Another year arrives as the other departs

[bigforehead]

New Year's Resolutions don't really make sense if you think about them. What you did last year at this time probably does not make a difference as to what your life is like today, at this moment. For example, last year I was going through certain things in my life that are hard to recall, unless I come across something that makes me think of them i.e. a certain scent, a certain feeling, a saying. I have graduated from high school where as last year I was wondering if I would make it 6 more months. I couldn't stand the people I saw everyday. I couldn't find peace, I couldn't find that certain ease I needed. After I graduated, I kind of went into college shock. I would go months without hearing or seeing someone that I would see everyday. You don't look at people the same way you did in high school. Those people you thought liked you in all actuality did not. They do not care enough to keep in touch with you. You wonder if you died tomorrow, would they care? And although I wouldn't have admitted, let alone realized, that high school was a time in my life that was necessary. I would not have developed a lot of my values that I have right now. I would not have some of the essential people in my life. Since going to college, I have realized certain things about my life. I won't let people stand in my way. I don't need the things in my life that are just there for comfort's sake, I need the things that make me happy. I understand myself more since graduating from high school. I don't just BS, and smile beause I have to. I do it because I am actually happy. I kept people in my life in high school because it was convenient, and so it wouldn't be awkward when I would see them 3 months from then. I keep people in my life that are good for me, and me for them, and that I learn from and appreciate. Laughter is a top priority in my life to keep me happy and I don't feel I should keep people in my life that make me unhappy. I think everyone changed dramatically after high school-they aren't really the people they were in high school. Everyone's true colors really do show when they have to go out of their way. This New Year's Eve I am thinking about my good friend Pat. I was crying yesterday thinking about how I will not have him around anymore for 3 years. I am scared that I will not see him when he gets out. I am scared that he will not come back. I am also thinking on this New Year's Eve that I am a person that needs to get out there and inspire people. I need to get through school. I feed off of the entertainment industry and it's time I get out there and do my thing...whether it be acting, or photography, or finding new talent, or whatever. I need to keep these creative juices flowing and I won't let this passion go. I won't spend my life doing something I hate like typing at a desk in a cubicle in some big building. I want to experience things that I love, and that I strive for. I've kept the people in my life that mean the most to me. Ones that I talk to on a daily basis, Ones I need in my life for me to be happy at this point. I know a lot of these people will be in my life for as long as I may hopefully live. Who knows how long that will be, so if I die tomorrow, I want these people to know how much they mean to me and my existence.
So this year, I am not making any New Year's Resolutions-I am making a promise to myself and to those around me that I will continue to do my best at everything, and that I will be here whenever necessary, or unnecessary. I love you all.