long overdue update
There's not much to say, but I suppose I've been feeling rather hollow. I will try to keep this as concise and to my own points as possible.
There seems to be a distraction in my life. I feel like I'm further from my goal, but when I try to think about what my goal is, I forget it. Vicious cycle is not the right term, but it is the first to come to mind.
My boss is vouching for me to be her assistant manager, Which I am amping myself up to be more and more. Its' not even been a week since she mentioned it but I've taken on more responsibility than she expected, and I think its paying off on both ends.
My old highschool friend are all going on a trip to the exploratorium. Out of everyone, I was not invited. I know why, but it doesn't make it hurt less. The fact that the guy who everyone forgot/got annoyed at AND the guy who lives in LA were the invited instead of me. The guy in LA declined for obvious reasons but it blew me away. Also, a girl I thought would be invited was actually not, for reasons beyond my knowing. Her parents threw every summer party and, while a little dense sometimes, she was still sincere in her friendship with what I remember to be a good group of friends.
What sucks the most is knowing all of them are good people. Even worse when you know they think less of you than you think of them. Because you remember the good times, and all they seem to remember is the bad.
This isn't to say they are without their bad qualities. One of which I considered my closest friend went to my mom shortly after I ran away 7 years ago and lied to my mom about pretty much anything near to me and told her everything wrong. While my mom and I have since patched things up, my mom has no problem thinking I was a terrible person for lies she heard from my old ex-best friend. This makes it hard to forgive, specially since she made it an effort to get in between my mom and I. And that is a weak spot even before I was friends with her.
Actually one of my other old best/good friends has turned a bit into a jerk. Self absorbed and unapologetic, this person has answered all my fears for I did wonder so many years ago if this person changed their physical appearance if it would change/expose their true nature.
It did. Without a doubt. And it sucks. They are not the empathetic person who I remember.
It's hard to make friends in the city, and even harder when you go to school with people who seem to all have a whole lot of issues and wish to disrupt their lives with drama and just want others to listen, not actually to fix it. I wouldn't mind it, but I keep what little drama I have to myself. Its useless to discuss, and if I wanted to go into clinical psych, I would have tried. I don't want to, so stop having such issues (cheating on BF/Break-ups/girl-or-boy issues) sorry, I'm glad you're dating, I'm sad you think you need to.
I don't know where my life is headed and it feels as though its taking me for a ride rather than myself directing it. I'm trying to spark something but I just don't understand my own motivation.
Needless to say I really need a hobby. Hopefully with yoga I will get into a better body shape and start cosplaying again. That sounds pretty fun, honestly.
Other than that, I've been practicing Yoga with some results, and also getting into casual gaming (seek/find point/click adventure games) and some PS3 games. My life is just chugging along, so I feel as though I need to pull something out of myself.
All my dedication goes into my work. If it doesn't pay me I don't seem to like to do it.
Folding clothing is something I loathe, it seems. I can't figure out why. I have 3 loads of clean laundry piled on my bed and I feel as though it will never get done. EVER.
I'm starting a new blog with my brother to explore the greater San Francisco area now that I live here. It's something of a hobby to explore, So i just need a good camera and some extra time (i'm sure I have some somewhere).
My boyfriends brother is married to a girl who I'm unsure about. Shes really interesting and from Brazil, but by god is she the textbook definition of a hipster. I feel like she goes out of the way to figure out how to go against the mainstream. Its fascinating and irritating at the same time. That and they are both... what, 21? i mean, I don't really mind young married couples but sometimes its really daunting when you feel like they are just not mature enough to really do everything they need to do.
But hey, I'm not even part of the family, I don't really matter in the process. Just a few things I thought about recently.
Speaking of which I've had some fantastic dreams. I can't tell if I'm dreaming deeper or if i'm just going on REM spurts for the past week but every vivid dream makes me feel alive when I wake up. from Zombies to aliens to survival to hunting, I still see places in my dreams as patched pieces of my past put together.
Andrew has been really meaningful lately. Sometimes he doesn't realize what he says can really impact more (or maybe he does and simply doesn't care) but he's been protective of me. I feel fragile and I think he knows it. Very well.
I know we've agreed we aren't the best couple, but at least we try to act like we are in the here and now. Its hauntingly romantic as we cuddle and make love but then the next day recognize where our differences distance us but still reach across them every morning and every evening to make room for "us" instead of "we."
In other news, The Newsroom is a great show, and I would love it if the melodrama would stop in the in between time.
Man, I really want a sundae right now...
There seems to be a distraction in my life. I feel like I'm further from my goal, but when I try to think about what my goal is, I forget it. Vicious cycle is not the right term, but it is the first to come to mind.
My boss is vouching for me to be her assistant manager, Which I am amping myself up to be more and more. Its' not even been a week since she mentioned it but I've taken on more responsibility than she expected, and I think its paying off on both ends.
My old highschool friend are all going on a trip to the exploratorium. Out of everyone, I was not invited. I know why, but it doesn't make it hurt less. The fact that the guy who everyone forgot/got annoyed at AND the guy who lives in LA were the invited instead of me. The guy in LA declined for obvious reasons but it blew me away. Also, a girl I thought would be invited was actually not, for reasons beyond my knowing. Her parents threw every summer party and, while a little dense sometimes, she was still sincere in her friendship with what I remember to be a good group of friends.
What sucks the most is knowing all of them are good people. Even worse when you know they think less of you than you think of them. Because you remember the good times, and all they seem to remember is the bad.
This isn't to say they are without their bad qualities. One of which I considered my closest friend went to my mom shortly after I ran away 7 years ago and lied to my mom about pretty much anything near to me and told her everything wrong. While my mom and I have since patched things up, my mom has no problem thinking I was a terrible person for lies she heard from my old ex-best friend. This makes it hard to forgive, specially since she made it an effort to get in between my mom and I. And that is a weak spot even before I was friends with her.
Actually one of my other old best/good friends has turned a bit into a jerk. Self absorbed and unapologetic, this person has answered all my fears for I did wonder so many years ago if this person changed their physical appearance if it would change/expose their true nature.
It did. Without a doubt. And it sucks. They are not the empathetic person who I remember.
It's hard to make friends in the city, and even harder when you go to school with people who seem to all have a whole lot of issues and wish to disrupt their lives with drama and just want others to listen, not actually to fix it. I wouldn't mind it, but I keep what little drama I have to myself. Its useless to discuss, and if I wanted to go into clinical psych, I would have tried. I don't want to, so stop having such issues (cheating on BF/Break-ups/girl-or-boy issues) sorry, I'm glad you're dating, I'm sad you think you need to.
I don't know where my life is headed and it feels as though its taking me for a ride rather than myself directing it. I'm trying to spark something but I just don't understand my own motivation.
Needless to say I really need a hobby. Hopefully with yoga I will get into a better body shape and start cosplaying again. That sounds pretty fun, honestly.
Other than that, I've been practicing Yoga with some results, and also getting into casual gaming (seek/find point/click adventure games) and some PS3 games. My life is just chugging along, so I feel as though I need to pull something out of myself.
All my dedication goes into my work. If it doesn't pay me I don't seem to like to do it.
Folding clothing is something I loathe, it seems. I can't figure out why. I have 3 loads of clean laundry piled on my bed and I feel as though it will never get done. EVER.
I'm starting a new blog with my brother to explore the greater San Francisco area now that I live here. It's something of a hobby to explore, So i just need a good camera and some extra time (i'm sure I have some somewhere).
My boyfriends brother is married to a girl who I'm unsure about. Shes really interesting and from Brazil, but by god is she the textbook definition of a hipster. I feel like she goes out of the way to figure out how to go against the mainstream. Its fascinating and irritating at the same time. That and they are both... what, 21? i mean, I don't really mind young married couples but sometimes its really daunting when you feel like they are just not mature enough to really do everything they need to do.
But hey, I'm not even part of the family, I don't really matter in the process. Just a few things I thought about recently.
Speaking of which I've had some fantastic dreams. I can't tell if I'm dreaming deeper or if i'm just going on REM spurts for the past week but every vivid dream makes me feel alive when I wake up. from Zombies to aliens to survival to hunting, I still see places in my dreams as patched pieces of my past put together.
Andrew has been really meaningful lately. Sometimes he doesn't realize what he says can really impact more (or maybe he does and simply doesn't care) but he's been protective of me. I feel fragile and I think he knows it. Very well.
I know we've agreed we aren't the best couple, but at least we try to act like we are in the here and now. Its hauntingly romantic as we cuddle and make love but then the next day recognize where our differences distance us but still reach across them every morning and every evening to make room for "us" instead of "we."
In other news, The Newsroom is a great show, and I would love it if the melodrama would stop in the in between time.
Man, I really want a sundae right now...