wanting something that i will never have..
Aight people whats up. well most of my entrys have really bad language in it and everything and i am going to try to refrain from swearing at all..not sure if i can but i will try..ok. i have been holding my life back for sometime now because i was thinking that me and a good friend of mine will be playing pro ball together. but recently he has told me that instead of moving out here with me he plans to move out with someone there and get a job doing construction and you know work and live out there..well hearing this disturbed me to say the least, all this time i was thinking that we would play ball every weekend and try out for the same team and work for the same company and what not..and it seems to be just a dream. I did not move to Atl because i wanted to wait until my friend was out of school so WE could decide on what WE wanted to do. well it seems that it is only I that will be deciding on what i want to do. My sister has put forth a hand of welcome to Atl, she will help me with a job, let me live with her, and a number of other Great benifits..like free college..I think that i might just learn as much as i can from lance(to me it sounds like i am using him but i dont mean it like that in any way) and move on to better things...what do you guys think? by guys i mean Matt because he is the only person that reads my shit.
Ok you all know that i am not very good with the ladies..well there is this girl that i really like, i have liked her since i was like 15-16 years old and since i am 18 and grad it seems as if i MIGHT have a chance..i think that maybe i dont have the convidence that i should, but i feel that i am a(sorry for the swearing) Worthless fat piece of shit that will amount to nothing in my life and will always be alone because of what a fucking fat ugly mother fucker i am. it maybe mean but it is how i feel..but i dont want it to be that way, i want to have "someone" i am tired of being alone when everyone else has someone. It is lonly being me. Friends out here tell me that dude it is easy you are not fat and all of this bull crap..well it is alot harder being me then it is being you..you look good, are not fat, have a great car, have a great job, have tons of friends...I seem to be the oposite of what they say i am..idk..i feel that on my side of the spectrume it is really really lonly and always will be, it will just take time before i will get used to it i guess..oh fucking well..i dont want to go but i am just in a pissy mood right now..talk with ya later..
Ok you all know that i am not very good with the ladies..well there is this girl that i really like, i have liked her since i was like 15-16 years old and since i am 18 and grad it seems as if i MIGHT have a chance..i think that maybe i dont have the convidence that i should, but i feel that i am a(sorry for the swearing) Worthless fat piece of shit that will amount to nothing in my life and will always be alone because of what a fucking fat ugly mother fucker i am. it maybe mean but it is how i feel..but i dont want it to be that way, i want to have "someone" i am tired of being alone when everyone else has someone. It is lonly being me. Friends out here tell me that dude it is easy you are not fat and all of this bull crap..well it is alot harder being me then it is being you..you look good, are not fat, have a great car, have a great job, have tons of friends...I seem to be the oposite of what they say i am..idk..i feel that on my side of the spectrume it is really really lonly and always will be, it will just take time before i will get used to it i guess..oh fucking well..i dont want to go but i am just in a pissy mood right now..talk with ya later..