Miserable.

[bigblackdude]

Im pretty fuckin miserable right now. I dont even know why. If someone were to ask me, "Jonathan, whats bothering you the most?" I would tell them, "I literally have no idea." I cant pinpoint what it is thats making me feel this way. Nothing horrible has really happened lately and to be honest, i really shouldnt be feeling this way for no reason...But i cant help it. Ive come home from work the last 2 days and just laid in my bed and staired at my walls. I feel lifeless... like im alive, but im dead at the same time. I feel like every day is the same as the last and the monotony is just totally bringing me down. Im still taking my medicine, im still going to counseling, but out of the blue, i just feel like shit again. What the hell is my problem? Ive thought about every possible solution to changing the way i feel and nothing seems like it would work. Ive considered moving away plenty of times and as of recently have even more highly considered it, but when i honestly think about it, i dont think it will do a thing. Its like i dont even WANT to move. But, i really dont want to be here either. I dont want to be anywhere. I dont wanna deal with people anymore. Im fuckin sick of people. Im sick of how self-absorbed people are. How wrapped up and consumed in their own lives they are to the point that they cant even stop and look around and consider the fact that there are actually other people out there and they actually have problems. But nobody cares about that. They care about me, myself and I. I hate feeling this way. I hate having to take medication for the way i feel. I feel like even when i am happy, im not really happy, im just on medication. Its like, thats not even the real me, thats the "Me on medicine." I wish i could be happy without it. Shit, i wish i could at least be happy WITH it. Nothing seems to help me and each day becomes more and more frusterating. I want everyone to know, that if they ever need someone to talk to or be there for em, im here.... I may not help, but ill try because i dont want to see anybody feel the way that im feeling right now because it fuckin sucks, plain and fuckin simple. Being depressed and absolutley miserable is like being stuck in the middle of a desert all by yourself without a damn thing in your possession. No map, no water, no food, no friends, no nothing. Everyday you wake up to the same thing, and no matter what you do or what you say, and no matter how far you walk... you cant escape it. You're stuck in the situation and cant do a damn thing about it. Thats how i feel and i cant do a damn thing about it.

MxPx- Young and Depressed

You’ve got so many problems
No one else thinks you can solve them
Where did the time go
Everybody wants to know
Life goes on day after day after day
Too much work and no play

When life seems like it cant get any harder
When you feel like a martyr
When you’ve lost all control
That's when you’ve let the whole world know

You’re young and depressed
With no future in this loneliness

I know that you’ve been hurting
So much has led up to this
Your eyes are burning
Hard times make the heart resist
That's all that you want is to follow your dreams
They all fall apart at the seams

Discontentment turns to anger turning sour every lonely hour
Yeah depression
Failed relations turn over a new leaf will it be a four leaf clover?
Yeah obsession yeah depression yeah