I Cried More Over "Killjoy" Than "Wolf."
I should really write the Reunion Rehash one of these days...
Anyway, 31 DAYS OF NIGHT rolls on. On a completely unrelated note, my virginity status does as well!
Day 2: Frogs. The 1970's saw a new level of environmental awareness, and a number of filmmakers dealt with their concerns in a thoughtful, passionte way...
They made horror movies about smog, pollution, litter, etc. turning nature against mankind. (Hey, it got the message across better than that advert with the Indian who cries after some cunts throw food at him from a car window.) Other eco-horror examples include Piranha, Day of the Animals and Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster.
Anyway, Frogs takes place on an island, where, after a boating mishap, an environmental photographer (Sam Neill) is invited to a luxurious estate led by the elderly, wheelchair-bound Ray Milland. Turns out Neill's just in time for a huge birthday/Fourth of July celebration that Milland's large family has every July, and NOTHING can ruin it. Except nature running amok of course.
See, Milland and Neill share differing views on enviromental control. Neill believes we should be at peace and harmony in nature (fucking hippy bastard). Milland believes man is the dominant species and has the right to the Earth (fucking heartless cunt), and chooses to excise this right by poisoning the loud, pesky frogs on his island. Still, as far as I know, Neill's storyline family was never attacked by spiders, frogs, alligators, snakes, etc., so I'd say he was probably the one who was right all along. I could be wrong, though.
The film is undeniably fun, but one has to wonder about the intelligence of the characters. For example, if you were in a greenhouse and you started to sense there were large clouds of poison rising in the air, wouldn't you hold your breath, block your nose, and run for the exit (located about 10-20 feet from you)?! Gary can't answer, as he wouldn't notice, due to the far worst smell of Kent blocking out the fumes. However, if he did, it'd be funny if he tripped on the way out, and the whole fucking greenhouse fell on top of him.
Neill's character also proves himself to be a man of steel, by not showing any emotion whatsoever after finding corpses strewn around.
Forgetting about all that, the film is slight, but fun and enjoyable enough. Interestingly enough, though, the frogs, despite being plentiful and croaking quite loud, don't really do much, leaving the killing to other creatures on the island.3/5
Day 3: Killjoy. I really wish I watched Leprechaun N Da Hood instead. Killjoy, a serious urban horror film about love, features a nerdy young man named Michael having the worst day of his life. Not only is he rejected by Jada, his dream girl and scorned by her friend Monique, but her "gangsta" boyfriend Lorenzo and his posse declare him with "busta" status (oh no! that's worst than being a terrorist!) and decide to ruffle his feathers a bit by holding an unloaded gun to his head.
Sadly, none of the guys ever heard what happened while they were shooting..err...filming The Crow.
So, yes, he's dead, but fortunately, before he died, he did what all kids with problems do. He held a self-seance and unleashed the spirit of Killjoy, a murderous clown who cracks jokes while honing his craft. This is because, ever since Freddy Krueger came down the pike and made New Line Cinema millions of dollars so that they could turn into a huge corporate entity and make the Lord of the Rings films just to piss off Gary, no horror movie can be made without a killer who cracks jokes while honing his craft. (And, yes, I know lots of horror movies have been made since the NOES series with killers who weren't very humorous.)
Anyway, Killjoy travels in a mystical ice cream truck. The ice cream truck is actually the door to some kind of netherworld, where Killjoy can do what he wants to his victims while his victims can't really do anything back to him. The ice cream truck must have been designed by the movie version of Hulk in his shit CGI fantasy world (located in Scotland), as the "special" effects sure are indeed "special."
I'd normally warn people about spoilers, but if you want to see this movie, then you probably deserve to know that he takes care of Lorenzo and pals very handily. It's up to Monique, Jada and Jada's new boyfriend to stop him! The film isn't very exciting from this point and then takes forever to end.
So, yes, it's a silly story, horrible special effects, about two likable characters (that I didn't really care for) and freestyle rapping. I was telling Gary about this film recently, and I could see the disdain in his response. I can see why. 1/5
There's a sequel too, but it has Trent Haaga in it, so it's automatically much better.
Day 4: Cry_Wolf. During promotion, Cry_Wolf looked like something Kevin Williamson would scrape off his shoe to fulfill a contractual obligation. A horror movie set in a posh boarding school, with the killer stalking one of his prey on AIM. (Fucking AIM...) In reality, however, the film is a very, very neat, Ten Little Indians-style thriller, in which you're never quite sure who's scamming who and what's really happening. Plus, Bon Jovi! Yay! Some of the characters were a bit annoying at times, which was a major drawback, but the film worked nicely as a whole. 3/5
I'm going to bed early tonight.
Fuck this, I'm off to bed.
Anyway, 31 DAYS OF NIGHT rolls on. On a completely unrelated note, my virginity status does as well!
Day 2: Frogs. The 1970's saw a new level of environmental awareness, and a number of filmmakers dealt with their concerns in a thoughtful, passionte way...
They made horror movies about smog, pollution, litter, etc. turning nature against mankind. (Hey, it got the message across better than that advert with the Indian who cries after some cunts throw food at him from a car window.) Other eco-horror examples include Piranha, Day of the Animals and Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster.
Anyway, Frogs takes place on an island, where, after a boating mishap, an environmental photographer (Sam Neill) is invited to a luxurious estate led by the elderly, wheelchair-bound Ray Milland. Turns out Neill's just in time for a huge birthday/Fourth of July celebration that Milland's large family has every July, and NOTHING can ruin it. Except nature running amok of course.
See, Milland and Neill share differing views on enviromental control. Neill believes we should be at peace and harmony in nature (fucking hippy bastard). Milland believes man is the dominant species and has the right to the Earth (fucking heartless cunt), and chooses to excise this right by poisoning the loud, pesky frogs on his island. Still, as far as I know, Neill's storyline family was never attacked by spiders, frogs, alligators, snakes, etc., so I'd say he was probably the one who was right all along. I could be wrong, though.
The film is undeniably fun, but one has to wonder about the intelligence of the characters. For example, if you were in a greenhouse and you started to sense there were large clouds of poison rising in the air, wouldn't you hold your breath, block your nose, and run for the exit (located about 10-20 feet from you)?! Gary can't answer, as he wouldn't notice, due to the far worst smell of Kent blocking out the fumes. However, if he did, it'd be funny if he tripped on the way out, and the whole fucking greenhouse fell on top of him.
Neill's character also proves himself to be a man of steel, by not showing any emotion whatsoever after finding corpses strewn around.
Forgetting about all that, the film is slight, but fun and enjoyable enough. Interestingly enough, though, the frogs, despite being plentiful and croaking quite loud, don't really do much, leaving the killing to other creatures on the island.3/5
Day 3: Killjoy. I really wish I watched Leprechaun N Da Hood instead. Killjoy, a serious urban horror film about love, features a nerdy young man named Michael having the worst day of his life. Not only is he rejected by Jada, his dream girl and scorned by her friend Monique, but her "gangsta" boyfriend Lorenzo and his posse declare him with "busta" status (oh no! that's worst than being a terrorist!) and decide to ruffle his feathers a bit by holding an unloaded gun to his head.
Sadly, none of the guys ever heard what happened while they were shooting..err...filming The Crow.
So, yes, he's dead, but fortunately, before he died, he did what all kids with problems do. He held a self-seance and unleashed the spirit of Killjoy, a murderous clown who cracks jokes while honing his craft. This is because, ever since Freddy Krueger came down the pike and made New Line Cinema millions of dollars so that they could turn into a huge corporate entity and make the Lord of the Rings films just to piss off Gary, no horror movie can be made without a killer who cracks jokes while honing his craft. (And, yes, I know lots of horror movies have been made since the NOES series with killers who weren't very humorous.)
Anyway, Killjoy travels in a mystical ice cream truck. The ice cream truck is actually the door to some kind of netherworld, where Killjoy can do what he wants to his victims while his victims can't really do anything back to him. The ice cream truck must have been designed by the movie version of Hulk in his shit CGI fantasy world (located in Scotland), as the "special" effects sure are indeed "special."
I'd normally warn people about spoilers, but if you want to see this movie, then you probably deserve to know that he takes care of Lorenzo and pals very handily. It's up to Monique, Jada and Jada's new boyfriend to stop him! The film isn't very exciting from this point and then takes forever to end.
So, yes, it's a silly story, horrible special effects, about two likable characters (that I didn't really care for) and freestyle rapping. I was telling Gary about this film recently, and I could see the disdain in his response. I can see why. 1/5
There's a sequel too, but it has Trent Haaga in it, so it's automatically much better.
Day 4: Cry_Wolf. During promotion, Cry_Wolf looked like something Kevin Williamson would scrape off his shoe to fulfill a contractual obligation. A horror movie set in a posh boarding school, with the killer stalking one of his prey on AIM. (Fucking AIM...) In reality, however, the film is a very, very neat, Ten Little Indians-style thriller, in which you're never quite sure who's scamming who and what's really happening. Plus, Bon Jovi! Yay! Some of the characters were a bit annoying at times, which was a major drawback, but the film worked nicely as a whole. 3/5
I'm going to bed early tonight.
Fuck this, I'm off to bed.