[EM] 23 - Tom McRae Lyrics
[locked, visible only to family and fellow hunters]
I been around the block more ‘n a few times...and honestly? In the twenty-odd years since I first got dumped on Ma’s doorstep? Ain’t a whole fucking hell of a lot that’s changed. About me, I mean. Before she died, I was doin’ the same shit I always did...I just wasn’t getting arrested for it. I didn’t have a *huge* problem, but back in the day I was an addict...did the shit I sold. And I still got no problem busting someone’s head if they piss me off.
It’s hard being angry all the time...but I don’t know how to stop.
I think that’s the only real saving grace my family ever provided...they knew. They fuckin’ *knew* all about it, the sores living down too deep for me to treat. They knew why I was such a bastard, and they learned to love me for it anyway...hell, they even love me *because* of it. And they learned because they wanted to.
Before Ma died, I was a doctor. Real American dream turnaround story bullshit...street thug gets clean, scared straight, makes his fortune. It was a crock, though...like I said, nothing changed. I got off the drugs...still knocked back a few whenever I could. Hell, I still do. Fighting? No qualms...and when Jules ‘n Kiki showed up, it just gave me a reason to fuck somebody up. Hell, half the crap on my record ain’t juvenile charges, though God knows I got a shitload. I got at least four counts of assault where the charges were dropped for self-defense, or ‘cause Ma pulled strings on account of I was taking care of my sibs.
I never changed...I just started fucking up for the right reasons. But then Ma died, and...I had an even bigger reason to be a prick. Hell of it was? I kinda had hope for a while. Jules and I moved out, Kiki was about to fucking graduate from the Academy. Hell, she was even making eyes at a fella she was studying with.
I mean...I would’ve fucking killed him if he touched my sister, but...the looking. It’s healthy and shit.
Anyway...I had a real life, and less of it included the pain. I was sleeping in a real bed instead of the floor. I’d stopped locking my bedroom door for years. I was used to knowing my neighbors and actually fucking talking to ‘em...chatting. Being a person. I had a world I could live in...that I *wanted* to live in.
But I should’ve known it was too good to fuckin’ be true, y’know? Something always comes along to make the old shit okay again.
I’m just lucky I already gave my soul to the Lord...otherwise I’d have lost that shit *years* ago.
[/locked]
Muse: Cain Callahan
Fandom: Supernatural (OC)
Words: 480
I been around the block more ‘n a few times...and honestly? In the twenty-odd years since I first got dumped on Ma’s doorstep? Ain’t a whole fucking hell of a lot that’s changed. About me, I mean. Before she died, I was doin’ the same shit I always did...I just wasn’t getting arrested for it. I didn’t have a *huge* problem, but back in the day I was an addict...did the shit I sold. And I still got no problem busting someone’s head if they piss me off.
It’s hard being angry all the time...but I don’t know how to stop.
I think that’s the only real saving grace my family ever provided...they knew. They fuckin’ *knew* all about it, the sores living down too deep for me to treat. They knew why I was such a bastard, and they learned to love me for it anyway...hell, they even love me *because* of it. And they learned because they wanted to.
Before Ma died, I was a doctor. Real American dream turnaround story bullshit...street thug gets clean, scared straight, makes his fortune. It was a crock, though...like I said, nothing changed. I got off the drugs...still knocked back a few whenever I could. Hell, I still do. Fighting? No qualms...and when Jules ‘n Kiki showed up, it just gave me a reason to fuck somebody up. Hell, half the crap on my record ain’t juvenile charges, though God knows I got a shitload. I got at least four counts of assault where the charges were dropped for self-defense, or ‘cause Ma pulled strings on account of I was taking care of my sibs.
I never changed...I just started fucking up for the right reasons. But then Ma died, and...I had an even bigger reason to be a prick. Hell of it was? I kinda had hope for a while. Jules and I moved out, Kiki was about to fucking graduate from the Academy. Hell, she was even making eyes at a fella she was studying with.
I mean...I would’ve fucking killed him if he touched my sister, but...the looking. It’s healthy and shit.
Anyway...I had a real life, and less of it included the pain. I was sleeping in a real bed instead of the floor. I’d stopped locking my bedroom door for years. I was used to knowing my neighbors and actually fucking talking to ‘em...chatting. Being a person. I had a world I could live in...that I *wanted* to live in.
But I should’ve known it was too good to fuckin’ be true, y’know? Something always comes along to make the old shit okay again.
I’m just lucky I already gave my soul to the Lord...otherwise I’d have lost that shit *years* ago.
[/locked]
Muse: Cain Callahan
Fandom: Supernatural (OC)
Words: 480