thoughts
Some days I wake up and wonder where my Southern perky self has gone...I know it is all part of my 'adjustment' period and yada yada yada but Jesus, does it ever get easier? I am fine today, was fine yesterday...had a few blips over the weekend. I remember this time 3 years ago when I was in Japan-God, how I cried and yelled and hated the fact that I was staying another year-I just wanted to go home. Yet, I didn't. I could have very easily said that I was breaking my contract and leaving. Made any amount of excuses as to why I couldn't stay, what I needed to get done and I didn't. As I look back on it now there is almost something marytr-ish in the way I behaved. As if I wanted someone to pity me and think of me as a much better person for sticking it out. I had issues. I am immensly glad I stuck it out but that first year was absolute hell.
This year hasn't been like that at all...just more ups and downs than I thought. To be fair to myself I am getting used to not being in Japan, being in England where the weather isn't exactly agreeable, living with J again (not that that is a problem) and getting used to being married and not having the cushy job I am used to :) I suppose I will have to get used to the fact that a part of me will always want to go home. At least until my grandparents aren't here anymore. They are the reason I would live back home. Not that my other family isn't great-just not great enough for me to want to live back home haha New Orleans will always have a pull but it is getting weaker...
And throughout all my doubt and weirdness and moodiness and just down right shitiness, J has been amazing. I did marry an amazing man.
I need to not be so hard on myself, appreciate what I have and learn new things :)
All that said by the light of day...it is always much more different at night.
This year hasn't been like that at all...just more ups and downs than I thought. To be fair to myself I am getting used to not being in Japan, being in England where the weather isn't exactly agreeable, living with J again (not that that is a problem) and getting used to being married and not having the cushy job I am used to :) I suppose I will have to get used to the fact that a part of me will always want to go home. At least until my grandparents aren't here anymore. They are the reason I would live back home. Not that my other family isn't great-just not great enough for me to want to live back home haha New Orleans will always have a pull but it is getting weaker...
And throughout all my doubt and weirdness and moodiness and just down right shitiness, J has been amazing. I did marry an amazing man.
I need to not be so hard on myself, appreciate what I have and learn new things :)
All that said by the light of day...it is always much more different at night.