One month down, about a jillion to go ...
Ventured out for a bit today. Sommer and I had a very nice dinner (okay, at the Olive Garden, but it still counts!). After 3 days of either food posioning or some sort of barn animal flu that will be wiping out 1/3 of the population soon, I finally managed to keep some food down. And a bottle of wine, but thats neither here nor there.
Still, I felt better when I got back to Danas and could just lie down. Something as simple as dinner wiped me clean of all energy. This does not bear well for the next 11 months. Each day that passes I keep hoping that I will finally break out of this bi-polarish funk that Ive been sitting on for the last month, but each day proves to be quite a struggle. My emotions are all on red alert, so it seems like even the simplist thing (such as an imagined slight from a friend, or an email that isnt worded in just the right fashion) will send me into an emotional tailspin. On the outside I can see that my behavior is completely irrational, and actually sort of crazy, but on the inside I feel like a pot that is at a rolling boil with every single kind of emotion you can think of, and even a few that you cant.
Still, I can see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. I go back home to WA in a few days, and I think its exactly what I am going to need, aside from the plane ride (I HATE PLANES!). I have spent enough time outside of reality, hanging on the edges of other peoples lives. Its time to go back and face my own, even if that means that all the responsibility falls on my shoulders.
Because, I can do this. I feel like I allowed myself time to get adjusted, but now Im being a bit liberal with that time. Im a big girl, and Im ready to put on my big girl panties and start focusing on my goals for this next year.
Still, I felt better when I got back to Danas and could just lie down. Something as simple as dinner wiped me clean of all energy. This does not bear well for the next 11 months. Each day that passes I keep hoping that I will finally break out of this bi-polarish funk that Ive been sitting on for the last month, but each day proves to be quite a struggle. My emotions are all on red alert, so it seems like even the simplist thing (such as an imagined slight from a friend, or an email that isnt worded in just the right fashion) will send me into an emotional tailspin. On the outside I can see that my behavior is completely irrational, and actually sort of crazy, but on the inside I feel like a pot that is at a rolling boil with every single kind of emotion you can think of, and even a few that you cant.
Still, I can see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel. I go back home to WA in a few days, and I think its exactly what I am going to need, aside from the plane ride (I HATE PLANES!). I have spent enough time outside of reality, hanging on the edges of other peoples lives. Its time to go back and face my own, even if that means that all the responsibility falls on my shoulders.
Because, I can do this. I feel like I allowed myself time to get adjusted, but now Im being a bit liberal with that time. Im a big girl, and Im ready to put on my big girl panties and start focusing on my goals for this next year.