The Truth of the Truths and Lies
Here, as promised, are my answers to the "Truths and Lies" guessing game, with bits of the stories that go with them.
1. I once had a short conversation with Natalie Portman while waiting for the T in Harvard Square. False. She was a Harvard undergrad for several years of the time I was at Harvard Divinity School, so I always hoped I'd run into her, but no such luck.
2. Photographs showing me in slightly compromising positions were once published in Jane magazine. True. During the summer of 1998, Jane did an article on polyamory and swinging, including interviews with several acquaintances of mine in the Boston goth/poly crowd. Jane then invited a bunch of us to come for a photo shoot for the article. The photo shoot was a blast, though amusing in that bratling was the only male who showed up, and he with long hair and eyeliner. And of course, the magazine ultimately chose the most suggestive pictures from the generally-tame shoot, to go with their highly sensationalized article. But there you go: my five minutes of fame.
3. I have never been arrested, but I was once questioned by a suspicious officer over some late-night fire swallowing in the back lot of a shopping mall. True. For my 19th birthday, I asked a friend of mine to teach me to swallow and breathe fire. A group of us went to a bare lot behind an old shopping mall, as it gave us a big open space with nothing flammable in reach, and was invisible from the main road. The officer happened to drive by on a tiny back road just as I was making my second attempt a fire-swallowing. To his credit, he handled the matter with good humor, despite his obvious suspicions over what he was seeing and whether this was, in fact, legal. But ultimately, he peered with his flashlight at me in my clownishly gaudy clothes, then at my friend's glittery silver box full of juggling clubs and colored scarves and torches, and decided that we really were doing what we said we were doing, however unlikely it seemed. He even let us go on practicing.
4. I once spent three hours crouched underneath a strange building in the dark in order to avoid being asked to cook for a group of people. False. Thankfully, this never actually happened, but it would be entirely in character for me. Cooking is a practice I've only recently begun to attempt, and I've been known to go to fairly absurd lengths to avoid intimidating social situations.
5. I once dated a millionaire, who gifted me with a beautiful opal he cut and polished himself. True, despite persistent guessing to the contrary. Very interesting fellow, with a passion for shaping semi-precious stones, especially opals. We got to know each other in part because I was actively interested in discussing the subtle characteristics of minerals and crystal structures. Unfortunately, he also turned out to be an alcoholic, and I bailed out of the relationship after only a month or so. One of these days, I'll make a proper setting for that opal.
6. I once carried a gong in a traditional Chinese wedding procession in rural China. True. I spent five weeks in China during the summer before my senior year of high school, traveling with a group of American students through an organization called World Learning. There happened to be a wedding in our homestay village, and the couple was so excited that we would be there that they invited us to take part in the procession. The boys even got to carry the bride's litter; the girls got gongs and lanterns. From what I gather, Americans are inherently prestigious in China. It was a very cool and very surreal experience.
7. I was once offered a chance to see the inside of a major Mormon temple (which non-Mormons are strictly forbidden to see), but I turned it down to go to a Peter Gabriel concert. False. The truth is, anyone willing to show me the inside of a Mormon temple would probably have no access to it themselves. They're remarkably strict about these things. But if I were offered such a chance, and it conflicted with a Peter Gabriel concert... well, that would be a very tough call.
8. I once had tea with the former dictator President of Zambia. True. But it's not as exciting as it sounds. I was part of someone else's entourage, and my main purpose there was, as my supervisor put it, "To show the ex-President that Dick knows people who know how to shine shoes." (This statement caused me to spend the rest of the meeting feeling self-conscious because I had not, in fact, shined my shoes.) Dick was a member of the congregation I was serving as intern minister; he was spearheading a very ambitious humanitarian project in Zambia, which had caught the ex-President's attention. The church's youth group had done substantial fund raising for the project, and I'd worked with the youth group; this was my tenuous excuse for being there. I nodded graciously when the ex-President expressed thanks toward the youth group, and thus my duty was discharged. Which was just as well, since the man had a very thick accent, and I could understand only a fraction of what he said.
9. At a David Copperfield performance, I was picked as a volunteer for a disappearance illusion, and now I know how he makes the audience members "disappear." False. But not for lack of wishing! I recently attended a David Copperfield show, and he picked some dozen people from the audience and made them disappear. I was not one of them. So I still don't know. Darn it.
10. In my high school senior year, I was voted "Most Serious" in the yearbook poll. At the same time, the class president (whom I barely knew) sought me out to be the one to pull the senior prank. True. I still get a kick out of that juxtaposition. I'm not sure who tipped off the class president that I was the one to talk to about a prank. No one would admit to it, but I suspect it was one of the school's trio of prankster-teachers, whose classrooms I occasionally invaded after hours to subtly rearrange things. For the senior prank, I ended up creating a parody of the graduation program, and ensuring that key people (like everyone on the dais) received that instead of the real program. Got them into quite a huff, I assure you. I took immense satisfaction from the knowledge that they would never think to suspect me. I was much too serious, after all.
1. I once had a short conversation with Natalie Portman while waiting for the T in Harvard Square. False. She was a Harvard undergrad for several years of the time I was at Harvard Divinity School, so I always hoped I'd run into her, but no such luck.
2. Photographs showing me in slightly compromising positions were once published in Jane magazine. True. During the summer of 1998, Jane did an article on polyamory and swinging, including interviews with several acquaintances of mine in the Boston goth/poly crowd. Jane then invited a bunch of us to come for a photo shoot for the article. The photo shoot was a blast, though amusing in that bratling was the only male who showed up, and he with long hair and eyeliner. And of course, the magazine ultimately chose the most suggestive pictures from the generally-tame shoot, to go with their highly sensationalized article. But there you go: my five minutes of fame.
3. I have never been arrested, but I was once questioned by a suspicious officer over some late-night fire swallowing in the back lot of a shopping mall. True. For my 19th birthday, I asked a friend of mine to teach me to swallow and breathe fire. A group of us went to a bare lot behind an old shopping mall, as it gave us a big open space with nothing flammable in reach, and was invisible from the main road. The officer happened to drive by on a tiny back road just as I was making my second attempt a fire-swallowing. To his credit, he handled the matter with good humor, despite his obvious suspicions over what he was seeing and whether this was, in fact, legal. But ultimately, he peered with his flashlight at me in my clownishly gaudy clothes, then at my friend's glittery silver box full of juggling clubs and colored scarves and torches, and decided that we really were doing what we said we were doing, however unlikely it seemed. He even let us go on practicing.
4. I once spent three hours crouched underneath a strange building in the dark in order to avoid being asked to cook for a group of people. False. Thankfully, this never actually happened, but it would be entirely in character for me. Cooking is a practice I've only recently begun to attempt, and I've been known to go to fairly absurd lengths to avoid intimidating social situations.
5. I once dated a millionaire, who gifted me with a beautiful opal he cut and polished himself. True, despite persistent guessing to the contrary. Very interesting fellow, with a passion for shaping semi-precious stones, especially opals. We got to know each other in part because I was actively interested in discussing the subtle characteristics of minerals and crystal structures. Unfortunately, he also turned out to be an alcoholic, and I bailed out of the relationship after only a month or so. One of these days, I'll make a proper setting for that opal.
6. I once carried a gong in a traditional Chinese wedding procession in rural China. True. I spent five weeks in China during the summer before my senior year of high school, traveling with a group of American students through an organization called World Learning. There happened to be a wedding in our homestay village, and the couple was so excited that we would be there that they invited us to take part in the procession. The boys even got to carry the bride's litter; the girls got gongs and lanterns. From what I gather, Americans are inherently prestigious in China. It was a very cool and very surreal experience.
7. I was once offered a chance to see the inside of a major Mormon temple (which non-Mormons are strictly forbidden to see), but I turned it down to go to a Peter Gabriel concert. False. The truth is, anyone willing to show me the inside of a Mormon temple would probably have no access to it themselves. They're remarkably strict about these things. But if I were offered such a chance, and it conflicted with a Peter Gabriel concert... well, that would be a very tough call.
8. I once had tea with the former dictator President of Zambia. True. But it's not as exciting as it sounds. I was part of someone else's entourage, and my main purpose there was, as my supervisor put it, "To show the ex-President that Dick knows people who know how to shine shoes." (This statement caused me to spend the rest of the meeting feeling self-conscious because I had not, in fact, shined my shoes.) Dick was a member of the congregation I was serving as intern minister; he was spearheading a very ambitious humanitarian project in Zambia, which had caught the ex-President's attention. The church's youth group had done substantial fund raising for the project, and I'd worked with the youth group; this was my tenuous excuse for being there. I nodded graciously when the ex-President expressed thanks toward the youth group, and thus my duty was discharged. Which was just as well, since the man had a very thick accent, and I could understand only a fraction of what he said.
9. At a David Copperfield performance, I was picked as a volunteer for a disappearance illusion, and now I know how he makes the audience members "disappear." False. But not for lack of wishing! I recently attended a David Copperfield show, and he picked some dozen people from the audience and made them disappear. I was not one of them. So I still don't know. Darn it.
10. In my high school senior year, I was voted "Most Serious" in the yearbook poll. At the same time, the class president (whom I barely knew) sought me out to be the one to pull the senior prank. True. I still get a kick out of that juxtaposition. I'm not sure who tipped off the class president that I was the one to talk to about a prank. No one would admit to it, but I suspect it was one of the school's trio of prankster-teachers, whose classrooms I occasionally invaded after hours to subtly rearrange things. For the senior prank, I ended up creating a parody of the graduation program, and ensuring that key people (like everyone on the dais) received that instead of the real program. Got them into quite a huff, I assure you. I took immense satisfaction from the knowledge that they would never think to suspect me. I was much too serious, after all.