More changes to come
I've set into motion a Scheme to move to Lethbridge, AB from March or April through to maybe August of this year. It means I will have to miss the absolutely brilliant Vancouver summer, but I think it will be a smart career move. I will be working with a Blackfoot researcher there who has a Very Large Grant to put the current (MS Word-based) dictionary into a database structure, and then to add to it. She also teaches a class on Blackfoot that I can sit in on and meet people in, and I will be close enough to the reservation that I can visit speakers and do some fieldwork.
Why is it that all my life, I happily chase change, but that it remains so hard every time?
I really want to do my work, so I really want to go. But I really don't want to leave my people here.
I am still seeing an amazing woman. I love going to visit her and her partner. We eat sushi and watch cartoons and complain about his cat, who is a jerk. I never feel insecure in our relationship, which feels great. I am often there several times a week, and leaving her will be hard. I don't know how often I can visit. Maybe she can visit.
I am still seeing a really sweet boy. He is going to have a lot of changes at about the same time I am. He and a newer partner of his are looking for an apartment to move into together. They are hoping to move by March 1st, which means I can probably help before moving myself. I don't know what will happen with us if I am away for so long. I think I'd like to make it a clear break when I leave, so that if I come back we can see how we feel with no pressure. But I think I will also be sad about it, because I am really fond of him and love hanging out.
Things with us have been in flux and changing for a while now, which I know. I think we have both felt like the other was losing interest or wanting less at times: him due to my work, and me because he didn't communicate very well how strong his feelings were for New Partner, and because he seems a little pre-occupied right now (probably due to apartment searching, etc.) I assume this move will bring them even closer together, and I don't know if he will communicate clearly to me where I should fit in. I think it would be better to come back in the fall and see.
(I adore New Partner, by the way. She is fantastic, and an amazing artist, and I love hanging out with her or all three of us together too.)
I've only hung out with my traveling friend one-on-one once since he returned, which I initiated, and which was great. Other than that, I've certainly hung out with him at other parties and at dance, but it's not the same as spending time alone. I've been hanging back because I am at this place where I really need him to initiate hanging out if he wants to, whether that's as friends or anything else. In general, he doesn't. People ask him for his time and he says yes. He has trouble saying no, which I can't deal with. I need a friend to be able to tell me no, so I don't want to ask him to hang out, because I know I'd be taking away his "no" (because he'd say yes. if that makes sense.)
He also is not the best communicator of boundaries* so there were a few weeks of some slight drama because two women were visiting him. Well, one was visiting, but one had moved here, and things were not going the way she had been led to expect it. So that's wouldn't have been a great time to ask for his time anyway.
BUT THEN he initiated and we will hang out later this week, so I am excited to see how that goes. I think we are platonic friends who are fond of each other now? That kind of relationship would make me feel good. I still get the warm fuzzies around him, and I would like to hang out sometimes.
And I've sort of been seeing someone new? I am not sure what is going to happen with that, since I am leaving soonish. But I've been enjoying hanging out.
The roommate and I are basically platonic domestic partners. Friends joke about us being married. (We are not married.) We do married-people-living-together things like coordinating grocery trips and sending each other mopey messages if we haven't seen each other in a day or two. We are pretty committed right now to living together, so I'm just looking to find a subletter and then I'll move back after Lethbridge. That's assuming she finds a job here and does not have to move back home, of course.
*Seriously, though, it's always guys. Guys, get your shit together. Learn to communicate pro-actively.
Why is it that all my life, I happily chase change, but that it remains so hard every time?
I really want to do my work, so I really want to go. But I really don't want to leave my people here.
I am still seeing an amazing woman. I love going to visit her and her partner. We eat sushi and watch cartoons and complain about his cat, who is a jerk. I never feel insecure in our relationship, which feels great. I am often there several times a week, and leaving her will be hard. I don't know how often I can visit. Maybe she can visit.
I am still seeing a really sweet boy. He is going to have a lot of changes at about the same time I am. He and a newer partner of his are looking for an apartment to move into together. They are hoping to move by March 1st, which means I can probably help before moving myself. I don't know what will happen with us if I am away for so long. I think I'd like to make it a clear break when I leave, so that if I come back we can see how we feel with no pressure. But I think I will also be sad about it, because I am really fond of him and love hanging out.
Things with us have been in flux and changing for a while now, which I know. I think we have both felt like the other was losing interest or wanting less at times: him due to my work, and me because he didn't communicate very well how strong his feelings were for New Partner, and because he seems a little pre-occupied right now (probably due to apartment searching, etc.) I assume this move will bring them even closer together, and I don't know if he will communicate clearly to me where I should fit in. I think it would be better to come back in the fall and see.
(I adore New Partner, by the way. She is fantastic, and an amazing artist, and I love hanging out with her or all three of us together too.)
I've only hung out with my traveling friend one-on-one once since he returned, which I initiated, and which was great. Other than that, I've certainly hung out with him at other parties and at dance, but it's not the same as spending time alone. I've been hanging back because I am at this place where I really need him to initiate hanging out if he wants to, whether that's as friends or anything else. In general, he doesn't. People ask him for his time and he says yes. He has trouble saying no, which I can't deal with. I need a friend to be able to tell me no, so I don't want to ask him to hang out, because I know I'd be taking away his "no" (because he'd say yes. if that makes sense.)
He also is not the best communicator of boundaries* so there were a few weeks of some slight drama because two women were visiting him. Well, one was visiting, but one had moved here, and things were not going the way she had been led to expect it. So that's wouldn't have been a great time to ask for his time anyway.
BUT THEN he initiated and we will hang out later this week, so I am excited to see how that goes. I think we are platonic friends who are fond of each other now? That kind of relationship would make me feel good. I still get the warm fuzzies around him, and I would like to hang out sometimes.
And I've sort of been seeing someone new? I am not sure what is going to happen with that, since I am leaving soonish. But I've been enjoying hanging out.
The roommate and I are basically platonic domestic partners. Friends joke about us being married. (We are not married.) We do married-people-living-together things like coordinating grocery trips and sending each other mopey messages if we haven't seen each other in a day or two. We are pretty committed right now to living together, so I'm just looking to find a subletter and then I'll move back after Lethbridge. That's assuming she finds a job here and does not have to move back home, of course.
*Seriously, though, it's always guys. Guys, get your shit together. Learn to communicate pro-actively.