another day, another night alone.
How do you fill a void left in you, when the one person who means the world to you leaves? Forgive bad grammar and spelling, I have been drinking. If you read my post and are getting sick of reading my emotional struggles then read no further. But honestly how can I ever fill a void left by a person I love so dearly?
I ask myself this everyday, when I wake up and everything comes crashing down on me. I think about it at night when I toss and turn struggling to throw off the chains of depression, as I drift of into sleep. I fill myself with false hope and lies, only because it gets me by. Where do I turn to?
I remember the first time we met, his eyes, his arms around me when he hugged me goodbye. The feelings of love, of feeling complete. When we went to the park, his kiss on my neck. The feeling of pure joy running through my body. Waking in the morning and turning my head to see him sleeping next to me. I shift my body and he pulls me closer, I whisper "I love you" and he kisses my shoulder. I didn't have family, I didn't have money, I didn't have many friends, but I had him.
Does he realize that we only have one life to live? That we can never go back and change the past. At some point I will leave this earth and my chances of having a life with him will leave with me.
I don't want another "fish in the sea". I don't want to "get over him".
I try to bring comfort to myself by reminding myself, "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle". But if that were true then why do people kill themselves?
I sit here crying, my face covered in tears. He is in Indy right now, he went to the parade. He is probably at a club surrounded by boys who want to sleep with him. How did I get here? Who am I? Where will my life take me? I am struggling right now, everything inside of my wants to call him. To tell him how much I wish he was next to me. How much I want to be in his arms. My soul is so bent and broken. God give me the strength to go on another day.
I ask myself this everyday, when I wake up and everything comes crashing down on me. I think about it at night when I toss and turn struggling to throw off the chains of depression, as I drift of into sleep. I fill myself with false hope and lies, only because it gets me by. Where do I turn to?
I remember the first time we met, his eyes, his arms around me when he hugged me goodbye. The feelings of love, of feeling complete. When we went to the park, his kiss on my neck. The feeling of pure joy running through my body. Waking in the morning and turning my head to see him sleeping next to me. I shift my body and he pulls me closer, I whisper "I love you" and he kisses my shoulder. I didn't have family, I didn't have money, I didn't have many friends, but I had him.
Does he realize that we only have one life to live? That we can never go back and change the past. At some point I will leave this earth and my chances of having a life with him will leave with me.
I don't want another "fish in the sea". I don't want to "get over him".
I try to bring comfort to myself by reminding myself, "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle". But if that were true then why do people kill themselves?
I sit here crying, my face covered in tears. He is in Indy right now, he went to the parade. He is probably at a club surrounded by boys who want to sleep with him. How did I get here? Who am I? Where will my life take me? I am struggling right now, everything inside of my wants to call him. To tell him how much I wish he was next to me. How much I want to be in his arms. My soul is so bent and broken. God give me the strength to go on another day.