Redemption
Many years ago something devastating happened. The effects were so terrible that everytime I thought back on this occurrance it brought heartache and disappointment. This event was recorded on livejournal here (http://bfree.livejournal.com/19112.html.)
Yes it's true, I am ashamed to admit it. I failed that day long ago. This failure has been burrowing into my soul ever since... until last saturday. I went on a quest for redemption. I bought a brand new box of tissues, went back to the exact same cafe rio during the busiest time of day, and switched the tissue from my left nostril to my right. You can find an image under my pictures. I walked into the resteraunt behind an older couple, the man held the door open for his wife and then held the door open for me. I politely said "thank you," to which he responded "You're welcome." I was surpised that he didn't give a hint of oddity toward there being a tissue up my nose. I realized this was going to be harder than I thought. My heart started rushing and I began to get a little dizzy as I forced myself to hold a normal composure walking past a crowd.
I noticed a lot of people staring, but not much reaction after that. This really confused me. The line was all the way back to the door, so I'd be there for a long time. I noticed a couple of people across the room laughing and staring in my direction at first, but that was it. There were far more people sitting down eating their food looking at me with an intense serious face. The reaction of people imediately around my person changed for the first few moments, it was uncomfortably quiet. But after a minute or two they resumed their normal conversations and just ignored me and my tissue. After the first couple minutes I found myself intensely ignored. I wondered what would happen once I got to the front of the line and was forced to talk to people as I ordered.
I approached. Then came the question, "What can I get for you sir?" I expressed my desires and was astounded at the lack of reaction from those I was giving my order to. There wasn't a flinch or a hint of a smile at all. I just sat there with my tissue up my nose feeling like a comedian in front of a large crowd who just didn't care that someone was on stage. I took my food and left the resteraunt. I got in my car and smiled at the accomplished task and yelled a meaningless sound in excitement. It was interesting to find the reactions I got, they totally weren't what I was expecting. It wasn't an easy thing, but now I feel redeemed.
Yes it's true, I am ashamed to admit it. I failed that day long ago. This failure has been burrowing into my soul ever since... until last saturday. I went on a quest for redemption. I bought a brand new box of tissues, went back to the exact same cafe rio during the busiest time of day, and switched the tissue from my left nostril to my right. You can find an image under my pictures. I walked into the resteraunt behind an older couple, the man held the door open for his wife and then held the door open for me. I politely said "thank you," to which he responded "You're welcome." I was surpised that he didn't give a hint of oddity toward there being a tissue up my nose. I realized this was going to be harder than I thought. My heart started rushing and I began to get a little dizzy as I forced myself to hold a normal composure walking past a crowd.
I noticed a lot of people staring, but not much reaction after that. This really confused me. The line was all the way back to the door, so I'd be there for a long time. I noticed a couple of people across the room laughing and staring in my direction at first, but that was it. There were far more people sitting down eating their food looking at me with an intense serious face. The reaction of people imediately around my person changed for the first few moments, it was uncomfortably quiet. But after a minute or two they resumed their normal conversations and just ignored me and my tissue. After the first couple minutes I found myself intensely ignored. I wondered what would happen once I got to the front of the line and was forced to talk to people as I ordered.
I approached. Then came the question, "What can I get for you sir?" I expressed my desires and was astounded at the lack of reaction from those I was giving my order to. There wasn't a flinch or a hint of a smile at all. I just sat there with my tissue up my nose feeling like a comedian in front of a large crowd who just didn't care that someone was on stage. I took my food and left the resteraunt. I got in my car and smiled at the accomplished task and yelled a meaningless sound in excitement. It was interesting to find the reactions I got, they totally weren't what I was expecting. It wasn't an easy thing, but now I feel redeemed.