Elena glances up at Martha's admission she needs it. It doesn't escape her notice Martha's been put through ringers of her own more than once, has been here in Chicago the longest. She admires everything the older woman does, everything the older woman has survived.
Values her opinion more than she can say, and she glances back down at her hands once she accepts the water bottle at the rest of what she says.
"I just wasn't expecting it," Elena says, and she doesn't know why it's so hard to talk about it. She often chooses not to when it relates to anything involving... all of that mess, but she respects Martha too much not to at least try.
The truth is she wasn't. Prepared. She'd let herself get far too comfortable with a life that did not involve the doppelganger angle, genuinely let herself believe it might not even catch up with her, and she was wrong.
Stefan being so wholly different from what she remembers is something else to add to the list of reasons why it's all so complicated and why it hurts, but what can she do? He doesn't want anything to do with her.
"Sometimes it helped. It was a method of getting frustrations out, and I don't think it helped in the long run but at the moment, it would help."
It would help to not let herself be overwhelmed with feelings. "I'd eventually have to deal with those feelings whether I wanted to or not... Or I never would have been found in all that... darkness."
She ended up in something very, very dark, something that was hard to see out of. Martha nearly did. She did, and she almost didn't come back from it. Several times, she almost never came from that very dark part of her heart, the anger and the pain and the desire to use it all and forget it all at the same time.
Martha nods at what she says, swallowing something back in her throat and shaking her head after a moment.
She can tell it's not easy for Elena to speak of, and she wants to make ti easier for her, wants to take away the feeling that she has to talk to her. Elena doesn't have to talk to her at all, but Martha knows from experience that it's necessary to deal with it all.
Or you lose sight of yourself, you lose sight of nearly everything.
"There's no way that you can expect it or prepare for... something like that. Even if you'd known it would happen, you wouldn't have been able to expect it. You'd finally started letting yourself have a life here, and then this happened and it's all... turned on its head."
She has to figure out how to stand again, and she has to reevaluate so much. It's not easy.
Elena falls into silence. The punching bag swivels back and forth, and her hands come up to hold it in place as she looks over at Martha. "What happened?" she asks quietly. There is always the understanding Martha does not have to answer, but she wonders. What happened, what did help in the long run.
How she found her way out of all that darkness, even if Elena is not at the point where she's worried she won't.
Somehow, she gets up day in and day out no matter what's been thrown at her. She finds things to keep her resolve strong, and Jeremy is here. As long as that's true, Elena will keep on because she is the only family he has left.
It's in her nature to want to fix things. It's in her nature to try and find a middle ground, but there's no middle ground to be found here. She's used to not talking about it and focusing on what she can work with instead of what just... hurts.
"I'm sorry," Elena says with an almost rueful smile turning her lips. "You're right, there was no way to prepare for any of this, and I know it changes so much, not just for me... but everybody that knows me."
Elena lets go of the punching bag and walks over to the table where she placed her things. She takes out a bracelet and hands it over to Martha. "It has vervain," she explains. "It's an herb vampires from my world are weakened by. If you wear it on you, or you ingest it--they can't compel or feed on you."
Martha breathes in at the question, shaking her head as she steps back against the wall. "I... was able to deal with it in other ways eventually, and you do have to deal with it or you spend months going on like you're fine then it sneaks up on you again," she says as she looks over at Elena, and there's a small, sad smile. "The darkness. The pain and the anger and all of it."
She rests back against the wall behind her. "Thankfully, I had Wes. If it weren't for him, I might... never have found my way out. He took me away from Chicago for a week so I could get my bearings, deal with everything that had happened. I've been at really dark periods of my life time and time again. It's dangerous how easy you could slip into being that other person.
Martha shakes her head pressing her lips together. There's only so much, so far that anyone can be pushed. Everyone has their limits. And those limits will be reached.
In Chicago, they will definitely be reached.
"That's alright," Martha says in response to the apology, and she knows what it is like to have irrational emotions, to feel that one should have been more prepared. But she won't let Elena say those things without responding because they aren't true. "It changes quite a bit, but it doesn't change what you've already made here. It doesn't... take that away. I know you're worried but Chicago is an entirely different playing field."
There are differences in this city, and more people know and have trained to protect themselves. And Elena is not alone, not for a moment. She reaches for the bracelet. "Thank you. I'll always wear it. Do you think that will become an issue?" A vampire from her world wanting to compel Martha or another one of her friends.
It's worrying to think of how many of these Elena will need to hand out.
Elena glances up at Martha's admission she needs it. It doesn't escape her notice Martha's been put through ringers of her own more than once, has been here in Chicago the longest. She admires everything the older woman does, everything the older woman has survived.
Values her opinion more than she can say, and she glances back down at her hands once she accepts the water bottle at the rest of what she says.
"I just wasn't expecting it," Elena says, and she doesn't know why it's so hard to talk about it. She often chooses not to when it relates to anything involving... all of that mess, but she respects Martha too much not to at least try.
The truth is she wasn't. Prepared. She'd let herself get far too comfortable with a life that did not involve the doppelganger angle, genuinely let herself believe it might not even catch up with her, and she was wrong.
Stefan being so wholly different from what she remembers is something else to add to the list of reasons why it's all so complicated and why it hurts, but what can she do? He doesn't want anything to do with her.
Reply
It would help to not let herself be overwhelmed with feelings. "I'd eventually have to deal with those feelings whether I wanted to or not... Or I never would have been found in all that... darkness."
She ended up in something very, very dark, something that was hard to see out of. Martha nearly did. She did, and she almost didn't come back from it. Several times, she almost never came from that very dark part of her heart, the anger and the pain and the desire to use it all and forget it all at the same time.
Martha nods at what she says, swallowing something back in her throat and shaking her head after a moment.
She can tell it's not easy for Elena to speak of, and she wants to make ti easier for her, wants to take away the feeling that she has to talk to her. Elena doesn't have to talk to her at all, but Martha knows from experience that it's necessary to deal with it all.
Or you lose sight of yourself, you lose sight of nearly everything.
"There's no way that you can expect it or prepare for... something like that. Even if you'd known it would happen, you wouldn't have been able to expect it. You'd finally started letting yourself have a life here, and then this happened and it's all... turned on its head."
She has to figure out how to stand again, and she has to reevaluate so much. It's not easy.
It's so hard to do.
Reply
How she found her way out of all that darkness, even if Elena is not at the point where she's worried she won't.
Somehow, she gets up day in and day out no matter what's been thrown at her. She finds things to keep her resolve strong, and Jeremy is here. As long as that's true, Elena will keep on because she is the only family he has left.
It's in her nature to want to fix things. It's in her nature to try and find a middle ground, but there's no middle ground to be found here. She's used to not talking about it and focusing on what she can work with instead of what just... hurts.
"I'm sorry," Elena says with an almost rueful smile turning her lips. "You're right, there was no way to prepare for any of this, and I know it changes so much, not just for me... but everybody that knows me."
Elena lets go of the punching bag and walks over to the table where she placed her things. She takes out a bracelet and hands it over to Martha. "It has vervain," she explains. "It's an herb vampires from my world are weakened by. If you wear it on you, or you ingest it--they can't compel or feed on you."
Reply
She rests back against the wall behind her. "Thankfully, I had Wes. If it weren't for him, I might... never have found my way out. He took me away from Chicago for a week so I could get my bearings, deal with everything that had happened. I've been at really dark periods of my life time and time again. It's dangerous how easy you could slip into being that other person.
Martha shakes her head pressing her lips together. There's only so much, so far that anyone can be pushed. Everyone has their limits. And those limits will be reached.
In Chicago, they will definitely be reached.
"That's alright," Martha says in response to the apology, and she knows what it is like to have irrational emotions, to feel that one should have been more prepared. But she won't let Elena say those things without responding because they aren't true. "It changes quite a bit, but it doesn't change what you've already made here. It doesn't... take that away. I know you're worried but Chicago is an entirely different playing field."
There are differences in this city, and more people know and have trained to protect themselves. And Elena is not alone, not for a moment. She reaches for the bracelet. "Thank you. I'll always wear it. Do you think that will become an issue?" A vampire from her world wanting to compel Martha or another one of her friends.
It's worrying to think of how many of these Elena will need to hand out.
Reply
Leave a comment