open » do you know what's worth fighting for?
She’s cold. Her head hurts. She’s hungry. Really hungry.
But Vicki does her best to push those thoughts aside as she runs. The perks, as Damon called them, weren’t so bad. Maybe it would only get better, though she imagines it would be the latter. The brisk air of the night keeps her hair behind her as she does her best to navigate at such a speed ( Read more... )
But Vicki does her best to push those thoughts aside as she runs. The perks, as Damon called them, weren’t so bad. Maybe it would only get better, though she imagines it would be the latter. The brisk air of the night keeps her hair behind her as she does her best to navigate at such a speed ( Read more... )
Even when she runs at him, Jeremy remains exactly where he had been. He may flinch in surprise but he doesn't move and he doesn't look away from her face even when her familiar eyes because a color-- a look that he doesn't recognize at all.
His throat tightens, painfully, and he's thinking of how it should have been stopped way back then. Before she ever could have been turned at all. He hates Damon for a lot of reasons, that may top them all even the fact that Damon killed him once.
"I didn't forget about you. He made me forget what happened. I was there when you were killed. When he killed you. He made me forget that happened so I still remembered you. You were just missing as far as I knew," Jeremy says quietly, and he doesn't back down from her. He doesn't backpedal or try to explain himself or apologize, because he's changed.
He's not the kid that sold her drugs, that would have done anything just to have her look his way. Jeremy still cares about her, more than he can say, but he's not the same.
"That's why-- why I need you to talk to me. I know you don't want this. I hate that Damon did that to you, more than I can say," Jeremy says quietly, and he swallows looking down again. Because it's hard to face her when he will always feel like he failed her. "There's nowhere to go, Vicki. Where would you go?"
Jeremy knows she doesn't deal with her emotions well, and he knows it's important too if she wants any chance of defeating this, of not-- not losing control like she did before.
In their own universe.
It's why he's still here instead of giving her what she wants right now, to run.
It's hard to see those tears, and he-- the pieces of the memory of that night come back to him, how much it had hurt.
"Yeah," he says a little hoarsely, "I did."
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He was Jeremy.
And a part of her wants to be proud of that. That the person she knew growing up had taken on and dealt with so much, and let it change him for the better. That he might the right choices versus her who always seemed to take the wrong path. So she gives a bittersweet smile, not sure how to put into words how exactly she's feeling.
"...I don't want to be alone. That's what I'm feeling." She feels terrified and on edge and ready to lose her self-control at any given moment, but that was going to far into it.
In a quick manner, she wipes the tears from her cheeks and takes on the role he formerly had - she looks down. She wonders how it happened, what he saw and how he felt when she died. He's giving her words, but she wants to know.
Selfishly, she wants to know how much he hurt.
"You did." She repeats it absentmindedly, more to herself than anything, before speaking up so he can hear her. "But you don't anymore. That's why I don't get why you're here. You can't do anything, Jer. I don't even know what you feel."
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There is no part of him that is afraid of it happening again.
He doesn't want to die, but he knows what it's like at this point. Two times, it's just something that he's used to, and he has the ring on so he would come back if it was by her hands, but he knows she doesn't want to kill him.
She doesn't want to hurt him either even if she wants to run too.
It's always how she's handled her emotions, running from them in one way or another.
He knows she can't really control it right now, and he couldn't-- he could never be afraid of her. Jeremy knows her too well for that, and it's just impossible for him. He has seen her in all different states.
Jeremy swallows, folding his arms across his chest like it will somehow stop the way that he feels. Like something heavy is weighing against his heart, crushing it.
"I care about you. Whether I'm still in love with you or not, I still care. That doesn't change. It never could change that's why I'm still here," he says as he looks at her but then looks away again, swallowing past the feeling in his throat. It feels in some ways like he has been flung back to that moment that he was forced to forget and then the moment later on when he figured out the truth. "I barely know what I feel. You were... dead. I was lost and I was hurt and I got it. You were dead. I either died with you or I tried to move on, and there was a part of me that wanted to die too."
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But she still wants him here.
Physically. By her side to help her through it.
She doesn't have Matt to fall back on. She doesn't have Tyler who she's still convinced pretended to care. She doesn't have anyone.
Anyone but Jeremy and Damon from her knowledge. And she knows better than to trust the latter of the two.
She mimics his gesture with her arms and waits until he's finished. She wants to argue it somehow, to say there's still nothing he can do for her and that she still loves him, but she doesn't. His last sentence - she knows it's true. She knows him, or at the time she knew him. She knew how much he cared and would do anything for her, and maybe that part of him hasn't changed.
Instead she takes a hesitant step closer, presses her lips to his and pulls away. She's looking at him now, just not letting her eyes meet his.
"Fine. You can stay."
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One he almost did by choice too. That was after Vicki died, after Anna died too. He had vampire blood in him, and he tried to kill himself so he could be a vampire and shut off all of his emotions.
The times that he has died, he... didn't die for very long.
It was five minutes maybe the one time. The other time, it was more like twenty or thirty minutes, but it wasn't long enough for anyone to move on in either case.
He was brought back both times.
She isn't alone. Jeremy won't let her be alone. He is not going to fail her again whatever it means, whatever happens. Jeremy closes his eyes when her lips press against his for a moment.
He looks at her. There's concern on his face, and he feels something in his chest that he can't... place.
"Even if you'd kicked me out of your room, I'd probably be staying nearby," Jeremy admits with a small smile, glancing down at the floor. "Hey, Vick, maybe you should rest. I can answer any question about the future, but I don't-- I don't even know if vampires do rest. I guess Stefan would sleep sometimes."
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Her moods - they're weird. Everything's weird.
She frowns at his expression, but otherwise gives it no acknowledgement. She isn't sure she wants to; if he wants her to. She doesn't know what he wants or expects out of helping her, given he wants anything at all.
Maybe he'd help her and then leave. It'd certainly be better than figuring out if there was anything left between them, right?
"Yeah...you would. You're stupid like that." All said with a smile, ducking her head a little to force him to meet her eyes. "Rest with me?" Hesitantly, she laces her fingers with his. His warmth, it gives her some reassurance.
That he really wants to stay.
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He doesn't know what they are at all. There's a part of him that feels like he would be cheating on Bonnie. There's another part of him that feels like he doesn't want to be with anyone in that way. They all die. Even Bonnie died. She was-- just fortunate to come back.
He has to start feeling like the common factor in all his relationships is him. They are all three-- they have all been so different, but they all died and he is the one factor that links the three of them together. He doesn't want it to happen again, not to her, not to anyone else.
"Hey, thanks... a lot. But yeah, I am," Jeremy says, smiling at her and shaking his head. He hesitates for a moment at the question. "I don't know... what we are yet, Vick. But yeah, I'll rest with you."
Jeremy tugs her to the bed, lying down on it first and pulling her with him. "For as long as you want, okay?"
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Mostly how she's making him feel.
How much she's confusing him, how much she's pressuring him -- everything. But when she closes her eyes, she does her best to let it all subside. Yeah, he was stupid for ever loving her, even if it was only in the past. She wasn't worth the love or the problems that came with it.
But she was glad at least he thought so.
A faint smile graces her lips as he finishes his sentence. And without really thinking, she whispers:
"Forever."
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Though it sounds like sleep will be coming for her soon.
He has a lot to think about.
His chest hurts trying to grapple with it all.
So he tries to push it all away for the time being, focus on the fact that it is good-- it is really good to have her alive. Even if he doesn't know what that means yet.
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