Whenever there's a crowded night out in the bar and even when there's not one if he's in his office, Sonny monitors the emotions that are happening right outside the door. It is important. Even with his own people manning the bar and serving the drinks, he wants and needs to be aware of everything that goes down in the bar. This is one of those ways as much as they have discussed how dangerous it is to use their powers and as much as he should cut himself off.
It is why he is acutely aware of Lena as she's walking down the stairs, and it is impossible to say how he can recognize emotions well enough that in some instances, he knows who it is that's having them. None of them are hers but she feels them as though they are hers so he knows.
Lena has worried him for weeks on end. It is different this time. There isn't-- there are specific examples of why it is different this time, but there's something in him that knows that this is it. She will lose her mind, and it is like he has been waiting for it when he feels that... that demon
( ... )
It's like being enveloped in a thick, heady cloud, making it almost impossible to be aware of anything but the gold-spun fog. There's an overwhelming and overloading of the senses, heightened to the point it doesn't feel real. She keeps shutting her eyes and opening them moments later, as if that will dispel the haziness that keeps trapping her vision into something darker
( ... )
It's time. Sonny knew it on her way down, but he has never been more aware of it than he is in this moment with the way she's bumping up against things and sliding into them. There's that-- more than that, there's this overwhelming feeling that he's getting from her. It's not like any of their resets before.
It's so much further, and it makes sense because she's never used the abilities. Here they've been clawing away at the inside of her since she was sixteen screaming to be let out and used as it was 'meant' to be used. It's been building up for years, and it is a wonder that she lived this long never letting any of that pressure out.
It is like trying to bottle something that's too powerful to be encased behind glass. The glass is not just her body. It's her. Everything that makes Lena who she is and who he loves. It's her love of the Beatles, her quirky comments in an attempt to cheer others up, her way of telling stories to Max and anyone else who will listen, her ability to love with her whole heart giving all of herself, her
( ... )
The pressure keeps building inside her head. She's surprised it hasn't exploded with the weight as it adds itself on, the throbbing growing to an unbearable level. There's a roaring right behind her ears and it whooshes past her with the speed of a freight train. Her mind spins off its axis and she plummets along with it. It is unlike anything she has ever experienced, and she has never been more terrified and exhilirated in her life
( ... )
It is painful to see her this way. It tears him apart to see her like this, because she is not herself. Lena is still in there, but there's a time limit to saving the parts of her that are true and that are herself. The parts that are not demon, but he knows the two are melding together now. Eventually, the demon will swallow what was left of Lena whole.
It happens differently for every angel and demon when the insanity comes a calling in those final moments. Every experience is different, but it always ends with the angel or demon taking over what was left of the person until there is nothing left of the person that may have been loved and hurt and lived.
Sonny sees that happening with her. He has seen it happen slowly over the past few weeks. She had visions. She saw things that weren't there. She saw Gina, and John walked in on it, and she was-- she had thought that it was real. It's been a slow, painful descent, and he has had to watch it take over her and take her away one small piece at a time.
The past week, she has been surrounded by people, and she has never felt more alone. She has never felt lonelier trapped inside her mind, and it's no one's fault. It's no one's fault but hers, and what's inside her, and what won't let her be as long as it's there, breathing and stirring and wanting restlessly under her skin. She'd claw it out of her if she could but it's as much a part of her as any other vital limb she needs. She can dress it up and she can conceal it for long stretches of time, but sooner or later, it always ends up bringing itself to the surface
( ... )
"That is not what I did. I thought he loved me and it's not what you're. You wouldn't. You love me and I love you and you wouldn't."
But it's not that simple, is it?
Never has the line been blurred more than now.
"That's not what I did," she repeats, keeping her hand flattened against the dampened asphalt, fearing what she'd do if she doesn't keep her hands right where they are. She's terrified of what she wants, terrified of the slow unraveling inside her heart. There's no Beatles song. There's no love, either, not in the end. There's only this one specific need.
"Please, Sonny."
Don't make me do this, is what her voice conveys
( ... )
There's no escaping it for any of them. They can hold it off for a long time though those that have never used their powers have little chance of fending it off when it comes down to this. It will be impossible at some point, and the time will come to soon. If anyone should be near insanity, near death, it should be him. He has used his powers in the past more than anyone should be able to and still being sane from it
( ... )
Sonny follows her to the end of the alleyway, and he kneels down beside her where she's pressed up against the wall. Please, Sonny. There's some part of him that's crying. He should be... it should mean death to feel like this, to do this to someone that he loves so much.
God, he does. More than he ever imagined possible when he picked her up from that parlor, picked her away from Gina, and told her-- promised her that there was another way. A better way. Sonny had no idea how much she would give to him or how much he would love her. Like the daughter that he would have had if he hadn't driven her and her mother away too.
For different reasons. In a different time.
Please, SonnyHe's heard those two words too many times to count in his life. It's never stopped him before from doing what he thought was right. Sonny grabs her arm again, and it's never violent. It is intense and it is firm once more like someone older speaking to someone younger who is too afraid or in to much pain to do what needs to be done
( ... )
It hasn't been right for a long time, much as she's tried to conceal it, but it's very much not right now that they're at the end. She'd been warned about it before. She'd been told about how it would be. About how it could be, but she could've never even dreamed of what it'd really be like. It doesn't compare to the real thing. The experience is different for every angel and demon, so it would have never come close to the actual experience, but no one ever talks about how much you'll want it
( ... )
"Thank you," she says into his cheek, and what she's thanking him for is unclear, the venom inside her words making it impossible to know for certain. She clarifies only moments later, fingers gripping the edge of his neck tightly. "Thank you for opening my eyes and showing me what family really is."
Thank you, for showing me once and for all, who you really are.
Thank you, for letting me see myself as I really am.
Thank you, for setting it free.
And free it is.
It doesn't take long to unleash the ability. It's been right underneath the surface of things for a long time now. Even if the guilt inside him wasn't swirling powerfully along with everything else, she knows him well--she draws the guilt out before shoving it back in him, pushing it deeper and stronger until he's sick with it. She wants him sick with it. She wants him to choke on the feeling until there is nothing else, and she releases nearly a decade's worth of suppression to do it
( ... )
Impossible things. They're demons. They're demons and angels, and they are not allowed lives to themselves except in special miracle cases for those who find the perfect balance between the two which always-- always means sacrificing a part of yourself to do so
( ... )
It's that that bothers him most until guilt shoves itself through him whole, and he can't breathe because the strength of it overtakes him. There's plenty-- plenty of guilt within him for her to work with, and it's ten years of pent up ability that she's shoving on to him. It makes him kneel over, forces him to his knees. He can't breathe, and he is sick with it, sick with the screams in his head and the Please don't, Sonnys and the tears and the pain and the death that he's caused without a second thought.
He's sick with it, but he knows he can handle it too.
She may have ten years of suppression, but he's decades old demon that has been playing in the art of emotion for all that time and longer. It is nothing that he can't handle as much as it shoves its way through him, and he can't think, doesn't know where he is for thirty seconds after it's passed
( ... )
She's been telling herself that miracles can happen.
That if she loved enough or wanted it enough or prayed enough, that she would be able to make the choice. That she could self-create herself into something other than what she is. That she could overcome the demon inside of her. She's been deluding herself for years, and it's never been more clear to her than this moment, where she's out of control and she can't bring herself back to the forefront to stop this.
Nothing can stop it.
Not love. Not God himself. Not anything.
Her hands remain on his neck, but they aren't her hands. They are and they aren't.
It's like everything that is Lena is trapped somewhere inside and no matter how loud she screams and how hard she bangs against the cages she won't be let out.
There. Right there. That's it, the part of her that's demon thinks to herself with glee, eyes glittering once she sees it reach Sonny. He should feel guilt. For every death that's ever been by his hands, for every hurt he's ever caused and even
( ... )
If it wasn't for him, she'd have died on those streets or at the hands of Rick and Kay. If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have had so many years of health and she wouldn't have found the rest of those at the Crowbar. Even know, as sick as the thought makes her, she knows she wouldn't be alive, mind intact, if it wasn't for him.
If he hadn't been there and denied her the bullet to the head, she'd have done it herself in the state she'd been in.
He's been everything to her, and how did they end up here?
"You've broken the biggest promise you ever made to me. And I am now releasing myself of every promise I ever made to you." She's more like herself than she ever has been when she says it. She is less like herself than she ever has been when she says it. They're both in the same, and she doesn't know how that's possible, but there it is. I quit is the unspoken sentiment. She never thought there could be anything that'd ever make her want to leave. She never thought there'd be anything that could ever drive her away from what family
( ... )
It is why he is acutely aware of Lena as she's walking down the stairs, and it is impossible to say how he can recognize emotions well enough that in some instances, he knows who it is that's having them. None of them are hers but she feels them as though they are hers so he knows.
Lena has worried him for weeks on end. It is different this time. There isn't-- there are specific examples of why it is different this time, but there's something in him that knows that this is it. She will lose her mind, and it is like he has been waiting for it when he feels that... that demon ( ... )
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It's so much further, and it makes sense because she's never used the abilities. Here they've been clawing away at the inside of her since she was sixteen screaming to be let out and used as it was 'meant' to be used. It's been building up for years, and it is a wonder that she lived this long never letting any of that pressure out.
It is like trying to bottle something that's too powerful to be encased behind glass. The glass is not just her body. It's her. Everything that makes Lena who she is and who he loves. It's her love of the Beatles, her quirky comments in an attempt to cheer others up, her way of telling stories to Max and anyone else who will listen, her ability to love with her whole heart giving all of herself, her ( ... )
Reply
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It happens differently for every angel and demon when the insanity comes a calling in those final moments. Every experience is different, but it always ends with the angel or demon taking over what was left of the person until there is nothing left of the person that may have been loved and hurt and lived.
Sonny sees that happening with her. He has seen it happen slowly over the past few weeks. She had visions. She saw things that weren't there. She saw Gina, and John walked in on it, and she was-- she had thought that it was real. It's been a slow, painful descent, and he has had to watch it take over her and take her away one small piece at a time.
He has to ( ... )
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But it's not that simple, is it?
Never has the line been blurred more than now.
"That's not what I did," she repeats, keeping her hand flattened against the dampened asphalt, fearing what she'd do if she doesn't keep her hands right where they are. She's terrified of what she wants, terrified of the slow unraveling inside her heart. There's no Beatles song. There's no love, either, not in the end. There's only this one specific need.
"Please, Sonny."
Don't make me do this, is what her voice conveys ( ... )
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Sonny follows her to the end of the alleyway, and he kneels down beside her where she's pressed up against the wall. Please, Sonny. There's some part of him that's crying. He should be... it should mean death to feel like this, to do this to someone that he loves so much.
God, he does. More than he ever imagined possible when he picked her up from that parlor, picked her away from Gina, and told her-- promised her that there was another way. A better way. Sonny had no idea how much she would give to him or how much he would love her. Like the daughter that he would have had if he hadn't driven her and her mother away too.
For different reasons. In a different time.
Please, SonnyHe's heard those two words too many times to count in his life. It's never stopped him before from doing what he thought was right. Sonny grabs her arm again, and it's never violent. It is intense and it is firm once more like someone older speaking to someone younger who is too afraid or in to much pain to do what needs to be done ( ... )
Reply
It hasn't been right for a long time, much as she's tried to conceal it, but it's very much not right now that they're at the end. She'd been warned about it before. She'd been told about how it would be. About how it could be, but she could've never even dreamed of what it'd really be like. It doesn't compare to the real thing. The experience is different for every angel and demon, so it would have never come close to the actual experience, but no one ever talks about how much you'll want it ( ... )
Reply
Thank you, for showing me once and for all, who you really are.
Thank you, for letting me see myself as I really am.
Thank you, for setting it free.
And free it is.
It doesn't take long to unleash the ability. It's been right underneath the surface of things for a long time now. Even if the guilt inside him wasn't swirling powerfully along with everything else, she knows him well--she draws the guilt out before shoving it back in him, pushing it deeper and stronger until he's sick with it. She wants him sick with it. She wants him to choke on the feeling until there is nothing else, and she releases nearly a decade's worth of suppression to do it ( ... )
Reply
Reply
It's that that bothers him most until guilt shoves itself through him whole, and he can't breathe because the strength of it overtakes him. There's plenty-- plenty of guilt within him for her to work with, and it's ten years of pent up ability that she's shoving on to him. It makes him kneel over, forces him to his knees. He can't breathe, and he is sick with it, sick with the screams in his head and the Please don't, Sonnys and the tears and the pain and the death that he's caused without a second thought.
He's sick with it, but he knows he can handle it too.
She may have ten years of suppression, but he's decades old demon that has been playing in the art of emotion for all that time and longer. It is nothing that he can't handle as much as it shoves its way through him, and he can't think, doesn't know where he is for thirty seconds after it's passed ( ... )
Reply
She's been telling herself that miracles can happen.
That if she loved enough or wanted it enough or prayed enough, that she would be able to make the choice. That she could self-create herself into something other than what she is. That she could overcome the demon inside of her. She's been deluding herself for years, and it's never been more clear to her than this moment, where she's out of control and she can't bring herself back to the forefront to stop this.
Nothing can stop it.
Not love. Not God himself. Not anything.
Her hands remain on his neck, but they aren't her hands. They are and they aren't.
It's like everything that is Lena is trapped somewhere inside and no matter how loud she screams and how hard she bangs against the cages she won't be let out.
There. Right there. That's it, the part of her that's demon thinks to herself with glee, eyes glittering once she sees it reach Sonny. He should feel guilt. For every death that's ever been by his hands, for every hurt he's ever caused and even ( ... )
Reply
If he hadn't been there and denied her the bullet to the head, she'd have done it herself in the state she'd been in.
He's been everything to her, and how did they end up here?
"You've broken the biggest promise you ever made to me. And I am now releasing myself of every promise I ever made to you." She's more like herself than she ever has been when she says it. She is less like herself than she ever has been when she says it. They're both in the same, and she doesn't know how that's possible, but there it is. I quit is the unspoken sentiment. She never thought there could be anything that'd ever make her want to leave. She never thought there'd be anything that could ever drive her away from what family ( ... )
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