The past week, she has been surrounded by people, and she has never felt more alone. She has never felt lonelier trapped inside her mind, and it's no one's fault. It's no one's fault but hers, and what's inside her, and what won't let her be as long as it's there, breathing and stirring and wanting restlessly under her skin. She'd claw it out of her if she could but it's as much a part of her as any other vital limb she needs. She can dress it up and she can conceal it for long stretches of time, but sooner or later, it always ends up bringing itself to the surface.
And for a while, she has attempted to find some sort of resolution with it. She'd gotten sick of talking about it, of angsting about it, of being scared of it, and tried just accepting it instead. That never quite worked, either, and she saw it didn't work with anyone else, either.
She still tried. She got them all to spend more time together. She hugged them as much as she could, whenever she felt the desire to do so, never got tired of telling them how much she loves them. It's what's kept her sane and whole up until this moment. It's always knowing she could go to a place that was filled with trust and love and safety.
There's nothing but a steep cliff now, and she's at the very top on her own. If she'd been told the person she's always trusted with her life would be the one egging her on to the very bottom, she'd have never believed it. All that trust and all those years helping her hone into her defenses, to fight the Calling, and for what?
Her eyes flash with anger at the same time her wings finally slide out of their hiding place. The weakness in her bones is slowly being replaced by the strength it gives her, and the rage she feels at his words. If she wasn't clouded by everything else, if she wasn't fighting off that pressure building in her head--she'd know exactly what he was doing and why. But she's not in her right frame of mind and the words are a slap to the face, and she can't believe--for whatever reason--he'd use that experience against her, knowing how much it wounded.
"That is not what I did," Lena says to him miserably, and despite the words she knows better. At the time it hadn't felt like that. She'd loved him, beyond her own reason and judgment, and she'd trusted him against every possible sign that told her not to.
You just love being shown the hard way, don't you? he'd ask, moments before she'd be shoved up a wall, just like now, just like now.
Except Sonny is not Rick.
He is not Rick, and she attempts blindly to hold on to that, to hold onto the logic that would tell her otherwise. It's not there. It's nowhere to be found when she claws and fights to grasp at it and finds the hunger instead. It sinks past the cracks in her mind and she's only left reeling with the emotion the words bring. She is so hungry.
Her nails dig into his arms, the ones keeping her pinned against the wall, and with her newfound strength she shoves at him until she drops to the floor. She doesn't bother getting up again. In her eagerness to get away, she simply crawls from one end of the alleyway to another, while the parts of her that are demon slowly become unhinged. She's fighting a losing battle, and deep down she knows it. She knows regardless of what is said and what she does, she'll be using her powers before the night is over.
She'll be using them on one of the people she loves most, and how wrong is that?
And for a while, she has attempted to find some sort of resolution with it. She'd gotten sick of talking about it, of angsting about it, of being scared of it, and tried just accepting it instead. That never quite worked, either, and she saw it didn't work with anyone else, either.
She still tried. She got them all to spend more time together. She hugged them as much as she could, whenever she felt the desire to do so, never got tired of telling them how much she loves them. It's what's kept her sane and whole up until this moment. It's always knowing she could go to a place that was filled with trust and love and safety.
There's nothing but a steep cliff now, and she's at the very top on her own. If she'd been told the person she's always trusted with her life would be the one egging her on to the very bottom, she'd have never believed it. All that trust and all those years helping her hone into her defenses, to fight the Calling, and for what?
Her eyes flash with anger at the same time her wings finally slide out of their hiding place. The weakness in her bones is slowly being replaced by the strength it gives her, and the rage she feels at his words. If she wasn't clouded by everything else, if she wasn't fighting off that pressure building in her head--she'd know exactly what he was doing and why. But she's not in her right frame of mind and the words are a slap to the face, and she can't believe--for whatever reason--he'd use that experience against her, knowing how much it wounded.
"That is not what I did," Lena says to him miserably, and despite the words she knows better. At the time it hadn't felt like that. She'd loved him, beyond her own reason and judgment, and she'd trusted him against every possible sign that told her not to.
You just love being shown the hard way, don't you? he'd ask, moments before she'd be shoved up a wall, just like now, just like now.
Except Sonny is not Rick.
He is not Rick, and she attempts blindly to hold on to that, to hold onto the logic that would tell her otherwise. It's not there. It's nowhere to be found when she claws and fights to grasp at it and finds the hunger instead. It sinks past the cracks in her mind and she's only left reeling with the emotion the words bring. She is so hungry.
Her nails dig into his arms, the ones keeping her pinned against the wall, and with her newfound strength she shoves at him until she drops to the floor. She doesn't bother getting up again. In her eagerness to get away, she simply crawls from one end of the alleyway to another, while the parts of her that are demon slowly become unhinged. She's fighting a losing battle, and deep down she knows it. She knows regardless of what is said and what she does, she'll be using her powers before the night is over.
She'll be using them on one of the people she loves most, and how wrong is that?
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