[party post of horrible]

[grenadeforya]

[OOC: the death of Rachel and Robin. Again, anyone is welcome into the actual party building. Currently, pre-explosion posting into the party can happen. :) Instead of worrying about the smalltalk beforehand? Might be easier to coordinate. It's only the conference room in a separate building that no one should be in unless they want to die with R

Comments

:<

[starryeyed_cass]

At the sudden end to the music, Cassie’s voice joins in on the murmurs in the crowd. She was with Spencer, searching for Daniel. She’d even been asking a few people on the way, just incase. She pushes her way through the crowds with confusion and notices the screen burst into life. Stopping, she looks up and there’s a pang of worry. The CLF. It’s naturally her first thought after the last video broadcast they did last summer. Is the man on the screen another Wanderer due to be part of another live execution?

But then, as she listens - she can’t seem to breathe. So many of the words make sense to her, sometimes they’ve been her own thoughts: of how Chicago can be a painful, horrible place. People offer her words of advice and encouragement and she tries so hard to be strong and to keep living. But it’s been the thoughts of her darker hours; in the thick of night when she can’t sleep, when she hurts. It’s been something she worries about... will the city turn her into a monster? Someone she never wants or is supposed to be?

And then she’s just confused. She doesn’t know what the Wanderer’s getting at. Two people? She frowns at the screen with dread. Bombs. No. No, that’s just... No, he couldn’t have possibly... he couldn’t. No. Cassie smacks her hands to her mouth, eyes wide in horror staring at the screen. There’s bombs in the building. And they can’t leave. They’re all going to die. ...No, they can’t. She’s not ready for this. There’s still so much to do. Oh God, not yet. Please not yet.

“No.. no. This can’t...” comes the muffled words behind her hands as she shakes her head. She looks around for Spencer briefly before going to the screen as the Wanderer talks once more. Someone has to make a choice. They die or the entire party dies. No... No.

She gasps at the sight of a familiar face and she feels sick, “Robin!”

[physics_magic]

Spencer tenses when he hears the TV and his eyes go wide as the Wanderer makes his speech. His stomach twists and turns and he feels dizzy and nauseated because yes,, yes, he's right and how could he make a rebuttal against it.

But this? Cornering them all and forcing them to die? That's not the answer. More death is never the answer. It can't be.

His hands are shaking and he looks around, looks for the exists even though he can't actually use them. He takes in deep shaking breath and then remembers.

Cassie.

He pushes through the crowd searching for her, finally spotting her in the midst of the chaos. One hand reaches out, clamping against her shoulder as he shoves his way through the crowd to get to her.

"Cassie," he says, but he's not really sure where to go from there. He would comfort her if he thought it was worth anything,, he would tell her that things would be all right if he thought it was true.

He knows the statistics in situations like this, where people are given power and it's their lives versus others, they often choose to save their own.

He swallows hard closes his eyes.

[starryeyed_cass]

She doesn't turn to look at him straight away. Her own head's too busy screaming and she can feel the nausea rising in her stomach. Robin and Rachel have to choose. No.. that's.. that's not fair. She doesn't want him to die. He's happy, everything is going so well for him. He's just gotten married.

She doesn't want to die. She doesn't want any of her friends to, either. She... she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to anyone to die. It can't be the end. It just can't.

Cassie takes in a breath, forcing air into her lungs. She finally looks at Spencer, her mouth open in shock. She doesn't know what to say either. She just stands there staring at him until she manages to find the words her mind's still screaming.

"I don't want to die," she squeaks, "Not yet, I... There's... I'm not ready yet,"

[physics_magic]

"I know," he says with a calm in his voice that he didn't know was there. "I know you don't but..." But they might not have a choice.

"I'll be with you," he says instead. "I'll stay right here and whatever happens we can...we can see through it together, okay? " He takes her hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'll be right here."'

God,, he doesn't want to die either. There's so much panic racing through his mind. He doens't want to die, he doesn't want to see all of these people die but it's not his decision to make.

[starryeyed_cass]

The calm voice does help somewhat, but she's still slowly losing it. She tries to keep breathing deeply, the last she wants to do is cause another blackout. Dying scared and in the dark because of her. She can't let that happen.

She nods her head, still trying to stay calm, "Okay... Okay," she turns her head briefly to look at the screen. Oh god, not Robin. Please not Robin. "Oh God, this is..." She's gripping onto his hand probably painfully tight. "I'm so glad... I ever met you,"

"This can't be it..." she utters with a shake of her head. She feels dizzy inside and it's not the alcohol. She still has so much to do, she still wants to go home. She wants to see her parents again. Kiss her mother and father and hug her little brothers as if it would be the last thing she'd ever do. And what about Iris and Saul? She won't get the chance to say goodbye. It's not fair

There's tears streaming down her face, "It's not supposed be like this, Spence. It's not supposed to end this way, this isn't right. It's.. there's still so many things to do,"

[physics_magic]

"Cassie," he says, moving to take her other hand and forcing her to look at him instead of the screen. "I need you to look at me, okay Don't look at the screen, look at me. I'm talking to you, remember?"

He takes in a deep breath. "I want you to do what I do. I want you to breath, count to five and breath out. You ahve to do that for me, Cassie. You have to breath."

He's saying this as much for himself as he is for her. His thoughts are racing, his heart pounding and his mind screaming that he doesn't want to die but panic won't help.

"Tell me about the festivals again." He says suddenly. "Tell me about what they're like. How much fun you had at them."

[starryeyed_cass]

She her eyes still try to look at the screen as her turns his face towards his. This can't be happening, this just can't. She finally looks at him as he talks and she just looks lost. There's a flicker, her body disappears and reappears in some kind of static motion.

"It's Robin," she says, her speech getting tangled and caught in her throat, "It's Robin and his wife. They.. I just.." the words are gone.

"I.. can't," she says at first. She tries to remember what Mio taught her to stop losing control. It's a struggle, she's too close to hyperventilating. Shaking, Cassie takes a deep breath and tries to hold it - closing her eyes as she counts and exhales. She still flickers, but with time - it manages to ease.

"Reading Festival. I-I went with my friends. And we're in a field and the music, all the bands and we just," She starts to ramble, some of the words don't even make sense, she even starts listing bands because she has to keep distracting herself.

"There was Radiohead and Bloc Party and Maximo Park and Glasvegas and they sounded so good and you don't care if you're a mess or hungover or still drunk and stuff," she says, finally opening her eyes to look at him. The tears are pouring from her eyes now. She's scared, it won't happen again. This is going to be it, surely. "And you dance and it's wonderful and the best time of your life, because you're happy with friends and you're so glad to be a-- Oh, god. I just, I can't.."

[physics_magic]

"It's okay," he assures, pulling her into a hug. "It's okay. You did well, all right? You did well."

Fuck lying to her, he didn't care anymore. The panic drive that away.

"We'll be okay," he murmurs against her. "We'll be okay, I just need you to keep calm. I need you to breath. It's really important that you don't start hyperventilating,, okay?"

He's doing a pretty good job at not doing it himself but that's because there's a small part of him,, a small quiet part that doesn't think he would mind if it went off. He's not suicidal, of course not, but if it did go off,,,,, it would solve a lot of his problems...

He shakes his head and holds onto Cassie a little tighter. "We'll be okay," he says again, stroking her hair. "We'll be okay...."

[starryeyed_cass]

"I'm sorry," She falls into the hug and stifles a sob, "I'm trying. I don't. I don't want to make it dark. Not in the dark, I can't let it happen," She's terrified of that happening, so she just keeps breathing.

Cassie could never think that. No matter how bad things have been for her. Not after Kaden hurting her, or nearly dying when Ianto strangled her. No matter how much she missed her family and no matter how unlikely it would be for her to go get back to them.

She wants to live, she wants to get through it and prove it all wrong. That Chicago can't destroy her, that she'll live in this god awful city and no matter how many problems - she'd get through it.

She clings onto him tightly and lets out an almighty sob, her shoulders shudder, "I still have to take you," she howls, "And we can dance silly and not care and I.. I don't want this to be it. Not yet," She shakes her head, "We need more time, I don't know when..."

[physics_magic]

"I know," he shushes gently. "I know. You won't make it dark, okay? That's something you and I can control, remember? We won't let it get dark. You just need to keep breathing."

Maybe if Spencer had come froma different point in his time he would feel the same but he thought he was going to die, he was in the middle of digging his own grave, he was sure that death was near. Instead he got another chance, another life in this strange city.

He was never sure if he was grateful for that or not.

"I know," he says again. "I know we do." And he continues to hold her because he doesn't know what else to say, what else to do. Their fates weren't in their hands. The most he could do is maybe try and shield her when the bombs exploded but depending on where they were in the building,, it probably wouldn't make a difference anyway.

[starryeyed_cass]

"Won't make it dark, no. I won't. I'm trying," Cassie stays like that for a while, just clinging onto him and breathing, trying to stay calm. Trying to stop another blackout. The people here are terrified enough as it is, she can't bear to let it get any worse.

But she doesn't know how long she can hold it off. Spencer's helping her keep it away, but she's just waiting. Waiting to die, waiting for the decision to be made. She knows that either way, some part of her will die tonight. It's either she dies, or - more likely - Robin pushes that button and her heart dies. She'll lose him instead.

Cassie doesn't want him to go, he taught her so many things. Things that she has to keep remembering. To stop saying sorry all the time, to be a stronger person. No never lose hope. Slowly, she turns her head toward the screens as she hears Robin speak. The first words she thinks is Oh, God. Rachel.... She never got the chance to meet her, to tell her how much she loved her speech, how inspiring it was. To hug her and let her know how glad she was that Robin had her. Because Robin was a good person, Cassie knew that. She respected him.

She never knew he was a vengeance angel. It doesn't really matter now, it never did in the first place - so why should it now? Robin is and always will be Robin. That's all that matters. Being an angel isn't important. He's just Robin.

But she listens to his words, takes them in and clings onto them. As much as she can agree with why the Wanderer felt that way, it would be disrespectful not to hold Robin's words with more worth. And she listens with tears running down her face and the smallest of smiles on her face. She made a pinky promise. They can't ever be broken. She's going to keep that promise.

But he presses the button and the smile slips, something snaps. Her face falls and she lets out a strangled shriek, "Robin!" and she's fighting against Spencer, the tears falling harder than before. "No!" Her knees buckle and she's on the floor with a howl of sadness. She's never watched anyone die before. Let alone some she knows and cares about.

Robin's gone. He's just... gone.

[physics_magic]

He listens to Robin and his hands start shaking. He's trying so hard to stay calm, to keep it together for Cassie but it's Robin's words that make him start falling apart. He can't hear this, can't hear what he's saying from the man who he knows holds their fates and....

And yet it doesn't matter becuase he knows what happens next.

Robin pushes the button and everything falls into slow motion. The explosion, Cassie falling to her knees, it all happens with this strange slowness to it.

he falls to his knees next to her, wrapping his arms around her again. He doesn't say anything,, just holds her tight and doesn't let her go. After this, after everything is said and done, he's going to go lock himself in his room for a while but for now, he's going to stya here, going to stay with Cassie and try and be what she needs. SHe deserves that, Robin deserves it. Rachel deserves it.

[starryeyed_cass]

The rumble from the explosion seems to linger and the sound deafens. She's never felt her world fall apart like this before. Cassie thought it was over when she realized she'd never be able to go home, when she'd had to start everything over again. But as dark as Chicago is, she'd never thought it'd be this cruel. Robin's gone. Here was there and now he's gone.

And she just can't face that.

Staying alive doesn't feel like a good thing in this moment. She can't appreciate that right now. All of this can't be real, it can't be. And she feels Spencer holding onto her, but her brain can't process it. She can't feel anything. "No," can be heard through her grief, she's never cried more fiercely in all her life. "No, no, no, no! It can't. I can't, what do I... No, this isn't fair. I can't,"

Cassie struggles against the tight hold, she doesn't mean to - she doesn't even know why. She doesn't know what she's doing. She's defiant, she doesn't want to accept that Robin's gone. She's never been through this before and she doesn't know how to deal, to process. "He can't be gone. He just can't,"

She finally looks up at him and shakes her head, "He can't be. I-I don't know what to do. What do I do?!"

[physics_magic]

Oh god, she's asking him<.'

Spencer hasn't known what to do sicne he arrived in Chicago. he's been sumbling in the dark and trying to get things right, failing and trying all over again. He can't just tell her that though, she needs something else, something better.

"We'll figure it out," he tries. "I don't know right now, Cassie but we'll figure it out together, okay? You're not going to go through this alone, I promise you. He's gone but...but I'm still here and right now I'm not going anywhere."

He knows he's not a replacement for the man she lst but he can try. he can attempt to be a friend and a comfort and whatever she needs until she can think again, until the world falls into a lighter focus and it's not crashing all around her.'

He hopes anyway.

[starryeyed_cass]

Cassie bites down on her lower lip to silence her sobs and just stares at him with a pleading look. She needs an answer, she has to know what to do. Because she doesn't know either. She hasn't got a clue.

"Okay," She's trying to get the words to register, but it's not working. She's numb. She tries a smile, but it feels like it's going to shatter her face and it slips. ".. I don't want you to go. I don't want to lose anyone else," she whispers and shakes her head. "I hate this city, I hate being here. But people like you, like him keep me here. I can't lose--"

And then some trickle of realization sinks in. She bows her head and says in a very calm and quiet voice, "He's gone,"

[physics_magic]

He nods solemnly. "He is," he says gently. "But you're still here. I'm still here. There are so many others that are here too." Cassie,, he's gone but it's not over."

He hugs her tightly keeping her close and not letting her go. He dones't know what else to say, what else to do. He just knows that he needs to be here for her and if that means standing here and holding her, then he can do that and if it means coming up with stupid things that he barely believes in, then he'll do that too.

He'll do it for her because she needs someone to do it and right now, he's taking it upon himself to be that person.