[backdated to early Christmas morning]
December 25th, very, very early morning. Just after midnight. All isn't quiet in Chicago, but then, when is it ever? There's people spilling out of bars and clubs, celebrating the coming of the day with a little too much alcohol and quite enough joy for the entire city. There are couples in Grant Park, taking a stroll to enjoy the freshly-
( Read more... )
Lucky Spencer.
He pauses, looking strangely at it. It's obvious what it is, but Sonny already gave him an extra guitar lying around the bar. He doesn't really need another one. Lucky picks up the present and takes it to a table, ripping open the package. The weight of it feels strangely familiar in his hands, and then he has the package open.
It's his guitar. It's the first guitar that he ever picked up and called his own, and he holds it between his hands for a moment, wondering at the impossibility of it all. His eyes burn, and he runs his fingers down the strings.
It takes Lucky a moment, but he sees that behind the strings... there's a picture. He pulls it out from the guitar, staring at it in wonder. He thought... he thought he'd never see them again. When he went to Ireland, he didn't allow himself the comfort of having a picture of them near, because he was undercover and he couldn't allow it. He fell through without a single picture of them when he normally keeps them in his wallet, and here it is.
He's with them. It's at a Christmas, and they look happy. He slips a hand over his face and takes in a deep breath. Lucky has no idea how it's possible, but... it is. God, it is. It's real, and he can show Lena what his sons look like, show everyone in the bar.
Reply
It could be hours that she sits there. She doesn't check. Her heart's heavier and lighter than it was only yesterday, and she doesn't know how both can be true, but they are. They are and they keep her rooted in her spot for longer than she can keep track of.
She wipes at her cheeks, picking up the memory box with the intention of carrying it back to her room.
It's when she finds him by the stairs, looking similarly to how she did when she found the memory box in the dresser.
"... Lucky, you okay?" she asks in an uncharacteristically small voice.
Reply
He glances at the memory box in her hand, noticing how strange her voice sounds.
"I am," he says, and he manages to smile though the air that he keeps breathing in seems thin or maybe he's simply incapable of taking in deep breaths at the moment. "I'm..." Lucky clears his throat. "Christmas present. An impossible Christmas present, but it's... it's a good one."
It's amazing.
"Are you... okay? I didn't... didn't realize anyone else was awake."
Reply
It made her sad but it also made her happy. Made her remember what love really is, and while she doesn't think her father would be proud of what she's done, he was at least proud of who she was.
Lena studies him skeptically, and not without a little concern.
"Let me guess," she says gently, finally reaching his side. She sits on the table across from him, feet dangling in the air, while she takes a peak at the note. "Santa?"
Reply
It is one of Chicago's few selling points.
He gets to his feet and walks over to her, holding the guitar out so she can see it.
"My... very first guitar," Lucky says, but that's not what makes the present so amazing to him. A guitar is a guitar. While it has memories attached to it and good meaning, in the end, it's wood and strings.
He holds the picture out to her, and there's emotion in his eyes, good emotion. Lucky gets to show her what his sons look like, gets to have this picture always. "This came with it. It's me with... my sons. That's Jake in the yellow, and Cameron is in the red. Last Christmas."
Reply
She flattens both hands on either side of the table, leaning forward to get a better look at the guitar. Lena can still remember the first time she heard him play one when she all but dragged him up on stage.
"You should test it out later," she suggests with some level of mischief. "See if it works as well as it used to."
She won't be surprised if it sounds perfectly and in-tune no matter what.
Lena tentatively reaches for the picture, being careful with it, as if it's glass that could break if she isn't. She looks down at it and smiles, the emotions lingering from before rushing right back. That's how fathers and their children should look like. It hurts, too. What happens to Wanderers is made all the more unfair when there are children involved.
"Lucky," she breathes out, before looking back up at him. "They're beautiful. I think have a frame to go with that."
Reply
But he'll take what he can get. The fact that a real Santa visits and leaves presents like this, impossible presents that mean more to him than a boat or anything that might be expensive.
"I think I will try it out later," he says and smiles at the mischief to the words. "It's my original guitar, and it deserves to be played again."
To write songs on it again. It's been much too long since he played, since he really played without anyone asking him to. But the guitar is bringing it all back again.
Her reaction makes him smile, mixes up a new set of emotions within him, and he has to clear his throat before he speaks again. "I would... I'd really like a frame. I want to keep them by my bed. I don't ever want to forget."
Not that he thinks he could, but... he always wants them in his sights, before he sleeps and when he wakes up so he remembers that he was a father and still is despite not being there beside them.
Lucky sets the guitar aside for the moment and then looks at her. "What did Santa bring you? You don't... have to say if it's too personal but..."
But he cares about her and wants to know if she wants to share.
Reply
If they miss it.
She's still smiling down at the picture when he speaks, finger tip tracing those faces. Lucky had talked about them before, but she now has actual faces to put to names.
"It deserves a frame," she says seriously, lifting up the picture. It's impossible for her to not interrupt a sad moment with something ridiculous. "Those are two snazzy looking little guys. I'm sorry, Lucky, but they're totally showing you up in this photo. I'm barely looking at you as it is. Look at those suspenders."
Lena hands him the picture back, watching him set the guitar aside.
"I don't mind showing you," she says with a small laugh, even as she feels her throat constrict. It's surprising he'd ask, surprising anyone would, but Lena isn't really someone that'd refuse to answer. She places the memory box back on her lap and lifts up the lid.
"The original Velveteen Rabbit edition," she says, lifting up the book cover. It looks like it's seconds from falling apart, but that's how often she'd read it.
"A few cassettes of my dad in a recording studio along with his graduation ring. And... this is me with my own dad when I was four." Lena offers him the picture, which is basically a mop of red hair running around. "You laugh at the pigtails and I'm punching your face."
Reply
He is actually watching her face when she looks at the picture. There's something... beautiful about being able to show her the faces of his sons and see her reaction to them. He wants to show the picture to everyone at the Crowbar, but he wanted to show her first. He's glad she was here the whole time.
And then he laughs as he takes hold of the picture. "I know. People tell me that all the time, and I'm more proud than offended. It's okay. No apologies are necessary. They dress up nicely, don't they?" There's that pride in his voice despite the fact that neither of these kids share his DNA.
Lucky is quiet as she answers him. The sound of that small laugh makes his heart ache, and he doesn't know why. "It looks really well read," he comments, touching the cover gently but not lingering on it.
When she mentions what the box holds of her father's, he loses his breath for a moment. "Wow. Lena, that's..." He knows that her father means so much to her. She's told him before. "That's amazing. That's... the perfect gift for you."
He reaches over for the picture, unable to keep from smiling at the sight of four year old Lena. "You were adorable," Lucky says, and he is smiling but there's warmth to it, along with his amusement, and then because he knows that opening up this gift must not have been easy, he slides his arm around her shoulders, squeezing gently. "You both look... very happy. He loved you very much, I can see it in the way he's looking at you."
Lucky is so happy she had that with her father even if he's also sad that it was taken from her.
Reply
"They're lookers, the both of them," she says with fondness. She places her hands back on her knees and looks up at him. "Not that I didn't know this already, but you're a good dad. They look really happy to be there with you."
She shrugs a little sheepishly, placing the book back in the memory box.
It was a comfort to her when she and her father were on the road. Her room was a small bed in a van and the cities passing her by through the window. There weren't many things they could keep for good, but these were all some of them. "It is. I'd been--" she shakes her head, biting her lip. "I'd been thinking a lot about him recently. What he'd say if he could see me now, what he'd do if he was in my place. It was kind of like getting an answer."
Lena watches him similarly to how he watched her as he looks over the pictures and the rest of the trinkets. Oddly enough, it's not hard or strange to show any of it to Lucky. She'd have wanted to, whether he asked or not.
"I am still adorable, I'll have you know," Lena says, but she's smiling too, and it's clear she's teasing. And then he has to go and say that, which is kind of what she'd been needing to hear without knowing she needed to hear it. She leans into his arm and looks back down at the picture until it blurs in front of her. "Thank you. We were while it lasted. I never once... doubted it. That he loved me. It's perfect."
Lena swallows the lump in her throat and wipes at her cheeks. "Ugh, now I'll be horribly puffy all day."
Reply
It'll be framed and kept by his bed. The guitar will be rigged to go up on the wall. They are both reminders of the steps he's taken to get to where he is.
"Thanks," he says, because it's a compliment to be called a good dad and he's so glad that they look happy to someone else as well. There's no reason they can't still be happy without him, but he made them happy while he was around and he was able to spend a lot of time with them as their dad. They may never know what's happened to him, but at least, they can always know that he loved them very much. "I was really happy to be there with them too."
He looks at her as she speaks and not at the items in the box as those are for her, and he wouldn't want to look at anything that she didn't show him herself with her own hands. It's a very personal gift, and he is glad to be able to share it with her. He almost asks what answer did she end up finding in the memory box, but decides against it... that's almost too personal, and some things people have to keep for themselves.
"I'm glad you were able to find an answer. That's sometimes the most difficult thing... those questions that there's never any way you can know the answers to them."
Lucky laughs this time when she says she's adorable, and he nods in agreement. "You are. You'd be even more adorable if you brought back the pigtails," he says with an almost smile that quirks to the side in a small smirk. He looks sideways at her, smile falling into a more serious expression, because he can sense her emotion. "I'm glad you never doubted it, glad you had this... even if it wasn't for very long."
He smiles at her again, not almost smile but a real smile this time, sensing that she needs a little lightness in this moment. He's happy to give it to her. "That's okay. It's Christmas. I don't think anyone will point it out," Lucky says, and then he slides his arm away from her shoulders and hops up on his feet. "That reminds me. I bought you a gift."
Reply
"I don't know," she says with a thoughtful sigh. She's careful to put everything back into the memory box. The video tape is similar to the pictures, only come to life, and Lena doesn't want to waste his time with it. "I've always thought if there isn't an answer to be found no matter where or how hard you've tried looking, maybe you're just asking the wrong questions."
Just like how if things don't pan out, it's because there's something else waiting around the corner. She's always liked believing that's true, and it hasn't let her down so far. "Oh, ha," Lena says with a laugh. She almost, almost says her wearing pigtails now would have an entirely different connotation.
Until she remembers she's talking to Lucky. "I'll keep that in mind," is all she says, biting back a smile and focusing back on the picture.
Lena's still looking down at the picture when Lucky gets back on his feet, glancing up at him in surprise when he does. She didn't particularly need a little lightness, but she's not about to turn down an opportunity for it. Especially when usually the roles are reversed. She seems genuinely surprised and straightens up in place.
"You didn't have to get me anything," she says with a tentative smile.
"Though I guess saying that that makes me kind of hypocritical since I bought you a gift, too," she says, tucking a strand of hair over her ear before she plops down from the table. She lifts up her index finger high into the air.
"Before any gift exchanging occurs!" Lena walks over to the jukebox and puts on some music. The silence is just not conducive to holiday cheer.
Reply
He smiles at her reaction the Ha and the promise to keep it in mind. Oh, Lena, the narration is dying at what was almost said. Yes, the different connotation is one she needs to keep in mind before sporting those pigtails.
Lucky nods, unaware of why she's biting back a smile. "Good. You really should," he says. Yes, totally oblivious as is to be expected.
He smiles at the fact that she's surprised. It's more fun when he's able to give a gift that the other person is not expecting, which is specifically why he didn't mention it until this moment.
"I know I didn't. I would make you very hypocritical, because you didn't... have to buy me anything either," Lucky says with an almost smile, pulling on his face, and he is equally surprised that she got something for him.
He laughs when she runs and turns the music on. The holiday music is a nice touch, and it at least temporarily clears away those heavy emotions that he'd been feeling deep in his chest. The ache that reminds him that he'll never see his sons again in person. It clears away as Rockin Around the Christmas Tree starts to play.
"So we'll go gather our gifts and meet back here," Lucky says, and there's an almost mischievous smile on Mr. Spencer's face. "Race you."
And he is running up the stairs to fetch the present before she can get back down the stairs with hers. Of course, she's a demon so she's faster but... it's not who wins or loses but the race that counts.
When he returns, he will be out of breath but have his gift in hand. It is wrapped (badly) and oddly shaped and squishy, and there is also a box that is wrapped better. He probably got help from Zoe with the wrapping paper for that one.
Reply
Look, Lena can't help herself sometimes, okay. It's not her fault she takes frequent visits to the gutterland and Lucky seems to just be immune to it. She feels she should get bonus points for not making him a ball of awkward.
It's her true Christmas gift. "I really will," she says with a laugh.
"I know I didn't, but..." she shrugs. There's no argument there. "I wanted to so I will... not be a hypocrite."
The ache's always going to be there. It's never going to leave. People you love you love forever, and you'll miss them for just as long. But sometimes, you find new people. They never take the place of any you've cared about before, but it's a rebuilding of sorts.
"Oh, you don't want to race me, Lucky, you'll--"
And he's off before she can finish her sentence. "And you call me a cheater. Does this mean I get to play Officer this time?" she asks, running to catch up with him. She does, easily so, which probably isn't fair but it's also her not trying to slow down for him. He can take it.
Lena finds his gift in her room, in a small, simple white box with a red bow on it. She goes down the stairs a lot less fast than when she was climbing them up.
Once he opens it, he'll find it's a necklace. It's a very manly necklace, all right. She figures she should explain the reasoning behind it. "Remember when we were talking about protection amulets? They were supposed to send us some. And I didn't tell you, but I had this one sent so they could place the charm there. St. Christopher is the patron saint of Wanderers. So, he might help you with your luck from now on."
She smiles at him a little. It always feels kind of silly, to put so much thought into gifts, but it reminded her of him, especially after that talk they had about religion. "Merry Christmas, Lucky."
Reply
Eventually, he'll be more comfortable with the gutterland jokes, and he can make a few innuendos that are toward the exit of gutterland, but at the moment, it's nice to miss out on some of the awkward.
"I wanted to too," Lucky says with a small smile. They are both so pulling Rizzy and Ella's rn. "We'll not be hypocrites together. I like this plan."
It's a rebuilding that he's taken on here of new people in his life, but it's also a rebuilding of himself, finding himself again. The pieces of himself that he had been denying and shut out, it feels good and he's good at it. The adventures, the cons, the living in the moment. Being a Spencer. He never knew he'd miss it as much as he has.
"I think since I'm human, I get to have a lead," Lucky shouts back though he knows that she'll beat him anyway. He'll still try his hardest and not mind when he comes running down the stairs ten seconds after her (he did not slow down in his descent of those stairs). Like Lena said, he can take it and it was the racing that's fun.
Lucky sets her gifts on the table while he takes the box that she hands and opens it. He pauses, holding the chain of the necklace between his fingers and examining the charm. It is manly, and it could be used as protection too. "That's... very thoughtful of you to think about my luck. It could use a boost," he says, and there's a little smile there but that fades because he means what he's about to say. "I love it. It's a very thoughtful gift, Lena, and I'll keep it on. Every day. Thank you so much."
He pulls her to him into a tight hug, still holding the chain between his fingers while he does so, because he doesn't really want to set it down. It does have meaning for the religious reasons, for the Wanderers, because it was given to him by her for protection. "Merry Christmas."
And he still has to give her, her gifts. Lucky pulls back, handing her the first. Inside the awkwardly wrapped package, she will find the elephant stuffed animal that she'd been playing with when they went to the toy store. Yes, he braved a trip back, alone, to get that for her. "You're never too old for stuffed animals," he says. "And I know you loved it."
There's one gift left in a long, tall box.
Reply
"You're very welcome," she says with a small laugh, smiling into the hug and drawing back.
She takes a hold of the chain, her fingers working on the trigger clasp, and she steps forward until she's right in front of him. "It's just not right to be named Lucky and not have at least a little of it," she says firmly with a small smile. Lena briefly looks up at him as if asking for permission before she leans over, clasping it carefully at his nape.
It slips downward, dangling over the center of his chest and she pats it gently once with her hand. It's not enough to protect someone from the whole of Chicago, but it's nice to think so.
"There we go," she says quietly, staring at it for a moment before stepping back and letting her hand drop to her side. Lena sits back on the table, crossing her legs and straightening in place. She claps her hands when he hands her his, a little too impatient to be careful with the wrapping.
"Drum roll, please," she says, moments before the last scrap of the paper has been shed. The reactions are ones she doesn't think to conceal. Lena has a moment where she seems taken aback, and then she's grinning wide, looking both fond and moved at the same time. There's almost something childlike in her grin as she picks it up.
It's the exact elephant that they'd seen at the store. There was even a moment where she's pretty sure she admitted to bawling while watching Dumbo. She lifts up her gaze to meet his, still grinning.
"I did love it," she admits honestly, hand curling over one of its fluffy ears. "I do love it. I wouldn't have thought to get it for myself. It's ... it's perfect, Lucky. Thank you."
Reply
Leave a comment