it's time I was on my way.

[thehandsomeone]

[[Replies here might be kind of scattered, since I just moved & internet access is a bit scarce.]]

For as much as Dean loves his car, and for as grateful as he is that she managed to make it through the Rift with him, she doesn't make for the best sleeping arrangements. The backseat is cozy enough for other things, sure, but Dean's not exactly

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[wegotwork]

After his run-in with Faith at the diner, Sam's heading back to the hotel when he spots the Impala. It's not like it's difficult to miss - the front half of the thing is sticking out around a building, and where the Impala is, Dean's probably somewhere nearby.

And, well, he doesn't really want to talk to him, but Faith's mentioning something about a demon means he sort of has to get past whatever happened the other night and mention it.

Maybe killing something will help them take their minds off - well, everything.

[thehandsomeone]

Dean's just getting back from the shop around the corner, tucking the usual weeks supply of junk food into his coat pockets, when he sees Sam. It shouldn't surprise him, since he didn't go that far, but it's a little unnerving, seeing Sam.

He hates that.

He slows his pace a little, bites his lip. "Hey," he grunts, not really looking at Sam.

[wegotwork]

Sam's hands go into his pockets, too, if only for the reason that he doesn't have anything else to do with them.

"Hey," he says, hunching his shoulders forward.

There's a brief pause, and then:

"Word on the street is we've got ourselves a demon."

[thehandsomeone]

Dean can't help it. He grins a little; it's the best fucking news he's heard in weeks. Which probably doesn't say good things about him, but damn if he hasn't been itchin' for a hunt.

"Yeah?" he asks, almost meeting Sam's eyes. "Where'd you hear that?"

[wegotwork]

Sam's hands don't leave his pockets, and he attempts a smile, but it's a little weak.

"I, uh, ran into your friend Faith back in the diner," he replies. "She said she could use the help."

[thehandsomeone]

Dean squares his shoulders, and his smile tightens a bit. It might be funny, that Sam would run into her of all people, but - Dean's really not laughing.

"So," he says, moving so that he's leaning back against the Impala. "What are we dealing with, here?"

[wegotwork]

"Chaos Demon," Sam says, offering up that information. "Wasn't able to get a decent spec on it, but it's got antlers, apparently. And slime. Apparently, the answer for them is decapitation."

He pauses again, looking down at his boots.

"She tell you she met Dad?"

[thehandsomeone]

"Sounds pretty standard," Dean says. "I mean, except for the beheading."

Dean's pushing himself off the Impala in a second, stepping right up to Sam. "She - what?"

He still finds it really, really hard to think about his dad, and hearing something like that -

"Before he...?"

[wegotwork]

"Yeah." Sam almost chuckles. "But she didn't meet him back home, or anywhere else Dad traveled to.

"She met him here. He was here, Dean."

[thehandsomeone]

"Was? Does that mean..." Dean feels out of breath, like he's been chasing demons all day instead of wandering semi-aimlessly. He starts to reach his hand out to put it on Sam's shoulder, but he stops short. "Is he - is Dad still?"

Dean doesn't know what he'll do, if he finds out Dad was here, and he's gone again. Dead again.

[wegotwork]

"I don't know," Sam admits, shaking his head back and forth, over and over, until he can't feel anything much in lieu of his own thoughts.

"I don't know if he's here, now, or if he's... not."

Losing Dad once was bad enough. If Sam finds out he's gone again - God, he can't even think of what it'll do to Dean.

[thehandsomeone]

Dean raises his hand and wipes at his mouth, barely even feeling the scratch of day-old stubble. His eyes sting with the tears he still hasn't allowed himself to shed yet for Dad.

"I gotta know, Sam. We have to... we have to find out. Somehow."

Because nothing makes sense lately, not even in the "hunting demons for a living" kind of way, and it might start to, maybe, if Dad was here. And if he isn't - god. Dean doesn't even know.

[wegotwork]

One of his hands finally makes his way out of his pocket, moving through his hair, and when he starts speaking again, he realizes he's still shaking his head.

"I don't know, Dean. We - I know you don't remember this... I mean, it hadn't even happened yet, but we spent ages looking for Dad, and then it turned out he hadn't wanted to be found."

And who's to say their father - whichever version of him made it through - doesn't feel the same way?

[thehandsomeone]

"Sam," Dean says. "It's Dad. I mean, maybe he doesn't want to be, but - but maybe he does. I mean, you'd honestly just let him go, and risk that -"

Dean doesn't mean to raise his voice. He really doesn't.

"It's Dad," Dean says again. "I mean, if it was you I'd -" Dean shuts his eyes for a second. It's hard enough being without Dad. He doesn't even want to think about what he'd do if Sam was gone like that.

[wegotwork]

"No," Sam says, finally looking up to meet Dean's eyes for the first time since the conversation started.

"No, I'm not saying that. It's just - if he has been here, this whole time, and he doesn't want to be found... what if he knows we're here, Dean? What if he knows we're here and he's staying away for a reason?"

He's not about to pretend he knows the inner workings of John Winchester's mind, but he wouldn't put it past their father to think that avoidance is the best course.

[thehandsomeone]

Sam might have a better grip on their Dad's psyche, but this Dean is still full of blind loyalty. He can see why Dad might not want to be found if he thinks about it, but he isn't interested in being rational.

"I don't care, Sam. If he's here, I need to know. I need to know if he's okay."