Lady Adventure Calls to Me Again
Well, I'm still restless. I think it must be spring. I'm always ready for new adventures when the weather turns warmer.
The trouble with me is that I never really do anything about it. If you want the truth, life scares me. Maybe more so now than it ever did before, but I've always been scared of life on some level. I'm scared of taking a chance, scared of being rejected. I've always been afraid of making a fool of myself. I still cringe when I think about stupid things I've done in the past, and its bad because it often stops me from going out on a limb in the present too. I'm scared of letting people see what I'm all about. I keep telling people I'm not perfect, and then I do everything in my power to stop them from seeing all the things that make me so imperfect. I never express the things I want to express the most. I either make a joke or change the subject. So I end up with all of these regrets. I don't want regrets. I want to live a big life. I want to throw open the doors and run wild, let the wind carry me where it wills. I want to dance naked in the rain and make a fool of myself. I don't want to watch everyone else around me enjoy the things that I too could be enjoying. Lol. I'm sure this is all old news to everyone, I'm sure I've beat this subject to death already, but perhaps I'm stuck on it because I haven't learned my lesson yet.
Anyway, I've decided to do something about all of this. Its not something that can happen over night of course, but I'm going to do what I can as soon as I can. I've decided to take a trip. I'm not sure where quite yet, but I'm thinking Italy. I'm always talking about how much I want to travel, well why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I be young while I'm young? Maybe its a complete waste of time and money, but isn't life about making mistakes? Mistakes make life interesting, so much better than always playing it safe. So its decided, every paycheck I'm going to put aside a couple hundred in my savings account and by spring next year I'm sure I'll have enough to take my trip. Just in time for my next big bout of restlessness. And in the time before that, I'm going to do everything I can to have a fun filled life. I'll flirt and play and have a grand old time. Thats my new years resolution, its late, but who cares?
The trouble with me is that I never really do anything about it. If you want the truth, life scares me. Maybe more so now than it ever did before, but I've always been scared of life on some level. I'm scared of taking a chance, scared of being rejected. I've always been afraid of making a fool of myself. I still cringe when I think about stupid things I've done in the past, and its bad because it often stops me from going out on a limb in the present too. I'm scared of letting people see what I'm all about. I keep telling people I'm not perfect, and then I do everything in my power to stop them from seeing all the things that make me so imperfect. I never express the things I want to express the most. I either make a joke or change the subject. So I end up with all of these regrets. I don't want regrets. I want to live a big life. I want to throw open the doors and run wild, let the wind carry me where it wills. I want to dance naked in the rain and make a fool of myself. I don't want to watch everyone else around me enjoy the things that I too could be enjoying. Lol. I'm sure this is all old news to everyone, I'm sure I've beat this subject to death already, but perhaps I'm stuck on it because I haven't learned my lesson yet.
Anyway, I've decided to do something about all of this. Its not something that can happen over night of course, but I'm going to do what I can as soon as I can. I've decided to take a trip. I'm not sure where quite yet, but I'm thinking Italy. I'm always talking about how much I want to travel, well why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I be young while I'm young? Maybe its a complete waste of time and money, but isn't life about making mistakes? Mistakes make life interesting, so much better than always playing it safe. So its decided, every paycheck I'm going to put aside a couple hundred in my savings account and by spring next year I'm sure I'll have enough to take my trip. Just in time for my next big bout of restlessness. And in the time before that, I'm going to do everything I can to have a fun filled life. I'll flirt and play and have a grand old time. Thats my new years resolution, its late, but who cares?