(no subject)
There is so much to talk about.
There is tons to say. And yet at the same time, NOTHING AT ALL.
Sometimes I want to just do some extreme drug for a while, crawl in a hole, and eventually overdose.
I got news last night that an old friend of mine almost OD'd on some horrible drug. AND this was one of the people that I vowed to myself that I would save.
I dont know what to do about my current love situation. I dont know how to judge it.
Ive realized all I am is a problem to everyone. I dont care what people think anymore. But who can help caring about how people treat you?
I hate the predicament I am in. My father is killing himself. Literally. And there is nothing I can do about it.
I have nobody I can talk to about it or anything else. Because I dont want to talk about it.
I dont want anybody to listen. SO why am I writing this?? I do not know. I had to put it down in front of me so I can make some SORT of sense of it.
I cannot wait until I get away from here so I can get away from all these backstabbing people. That is all they are. SNObs and spoiled brats who dont understand that other people exist and want to be happy too.
Im so tired of talking. Im so tried of thinking about all of this.
All I am is everybodys fucking problem. Even my own. And I am tired of it.
GOD I wish I had some fucking drugs. That would be it. I could keep to myself. I could quit everything. I would lock myself in my room for days at a time. I dont want people anymore. ALL they do is hurt me. ALL they do is stab me in the back. I dont know how to deal with this anymore.
Nobody understands and I dont think they ever will. I dont want them too though. But dont try. You will only get me all wrong and honestly I do not have time or patience for a "stop whining" "You are pathetic" speech. Just because your life is peachy doesnt mean shit to me. You handle things differently than me. GET OVER IT.
That is the worst thing you can do to someone is when they are hurting and telling you about it is to say "suck it up". FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL.
GOd I fucking hate people. I do not want pity, I want to be better.
I honestly dont think I am strong enough to handle life.
Maybe I should ALLOW myself to fall back into what happened to me before. I wont have to care anymore. And where has caring gotten me? Nowhere.
Have a great FUCKING day.
There is tons to say. And yet at the same time, NOTHING AT ALL.
Sometimes I want to just do some extreme drug for a while, crawl in a hole, and eventually overdose.
I got news last night that an old friend of mine almost OD'd on some horrible drug. AND this was one of the people that I vowed to myself that I would save.
I dont know what to do about my current love situation. I dont know how to judge it.
Ive realized all I am is a problem to everyone. I dont care what people think anymore. But who can help caring about how people treat you?
I hate the predicament I am in. My father is killing himself. Literally. And there is nothing I can do about it.
I have nobody I can talk to about it or anything else. Because I dont want to talk about it.
I dont want anybody to listen. SO why am I writing this?? I do not know. I had to put it down in front of me so I can make some SORT of sense of it.
I cannot wait until I get away from here so I can get away from all these backstabbing people. That is all they are. SNObs and spoiled brats who dont understand that other people exist and want to be happy too.
Im so tired of talking. Im so tried of thinking about all of this.
All I am is everybodys fucking problem. Even my own. And I am tired of it.
GOD I wish I had some fucking drugs. That would be it. I could keep to myself. I could quit everything. I would lock myself in my room for days at a time. I dont want people anymore. ALL they do is hurt me. ALL they do is stab me in the back. I dont know how to deal with this anymore.
Nobody understands and I dont think they ever will. I dont want them too though. But dont try. You will only get me all wrong and honestly I do not have time or patience for a "stop whining" "You are pathetic" speech. Just because your life is peachy doesnt mean shit to me. You handle things differently than me. GET OVER IT.
That is the worst thing you can do to someone is when they are hurting and telling you about it is to say "suck it up". FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL.
GOd I fucking hate people. I do not want pity, I want to be better.
I honestly dont think I am strong enough to handle life.
Maybe I should ALLOW myself to fall back into what happened to me before. I wont have to care anymore. And where has caring gotten me? Nowhere.
Have a great FUCKING day.