DRABBLE : "I is for If", White Collar, Neal(/Peter)
see, sometimes i do drabble memes and i actually write the drabbles. :3 this one's for gypsy_sunday.
I is for If
Neal's not a philosophical guy, but he knows an important thing when it comes his way. He can see the moment, feel it, almost taste the second when things get critical and it's all or nothing, in or out. He's good at it, almost perfect; wouldn't have been any good at his last job and wouldn't be any good at his current one otherwise.
The secret is knowing what's at stake, for him and for the other person. It's the only way to guess what'll happen. It's a kind of balance, he figures. Like walking a tightrope; you have to know what's on either side of you, and how much you can stray to either side before you fall.
This all worked out great for Neal before he met Peter.
Well, that's not entirely accurate. Before he got close to Peter, is more like it. When they met-- when they were opponents in everything, not just most things-- the balance was easy to maintain. Since they started working together, which more often than not meant spending most of their waking hours together, things have gotten... dicey.
That's Neal's word. Mozzie would call it compromised, as in Neal's judgment isn't what it used to be where Peter's concerned. Neal can't really argue with that. But his judgment's never been unclouded when it comes to his friends, his chosen family. And like it or not (Mozzie, for the record, falls on the side of not) Peter's in that category now, and has been for a while.
The thing is, Mozzie's not wrong. About this being a bad idea, at least-- he's not wrong that this is going to mean trouble for Neal. He just has no idea how much trouble it's made for Neal already. It's not just about them being friends. They passed that milestone months ago, and now it's something else between them. Might be flirting, except Peter can't flirt if he's thinking about it, which either means he doesn't realize he's doing it or he's not doing it at all. Neal knows which choice he'd prefer, but he doesn't kid himself he actually has a prayer of being able to tell.
And he'd be happy to leave things as they are, except they're never consistent enough for him to manage. It's always up and down, one extreme to another. One day Neal's so on edge he could scream with how bad he wants to drag Peter into a broom closet and plaster himself on him; the next day they piss each other off so bad he thinks Peter might actually take a swing at him. It's not a status quo that can be maintained; something's going to break eventually, and it's going to be Neal's fault when it does.
He can see that critical moment coming up on him-- on them, and that's the problem really, in a nutshell. Peter's not a mark, he's not a job, he's not someone Neal can con or even someone he wants to con. So it's not just Neal making the choices here; it's Peter too. And that spells trouble because Neal knows exactly what he'll choose when the choice is laid before him, but Peter...
He has no idea what Peter's going to do. And that, frankly, scares the crap out of him.
All he can do for now is wait. Uncertainty isn't something he likes; he hates feeling like he's walking around with a question mark over his head, like that finely-honed sense of balance is lying to him. But that's just what Peter does-- puts him off his game, makes him stumble, forces him to choose one thing over another before he's had a chance to fully consider the difference between the two. He's as good at it as Neal is at conning; he sees the chinks in Neal's armor and picks at them until the whole thing falls apart and Neal's an open book waiting to be read.
It's only a matter of time, a question of when, not if. So for now, Neal's just spending some time every day grateful for his good luck, that Peter has yet to figure out that the biggest chink in Neal's armor is him.
I is for If
Neal's not a philosophical guy, but he knows an important thing when it comes his way. He can see the moment, feel it, almost taste the second when things get critical and it's all or nothing, in or out. He's good at it, almost perfect; wouldn't have been any good at his last job and wouldn't be any good at his current one otherwise.
The secret is knowing what's at stake, for him and for the other person. It's the only way to guess what'll happen. It's a kind of balance, he figures. Like walking a tightrope; you have to know what's on either side of you, and how much you can stray to either side before you fall.
This all worked out great for Neal before he met Peter.
Well, that's not entirely accurate. Before he got close to Peter, is more like it. When they met-- when they were opponents in everything, not just most things-- the balance was easy to maintain. Since they started working together, which more often than not meant spending most of their waking hours together, things have gotten... dicey.
That's Neal's word. Mozzie would call it compromised, as in Neal's judgment isn't what it used to be where Peter's concerned. Neal can't really argue with that. But his judgment's never been unclouded when it comes to his friends, his chosen family. And like it or not (Mozzie, for the record, falls on the side of not) Peter's in that category now, and has been for a while.
The thing is, Mozzie's not wrong. About this being a bad idea, at least-- he's not wrong that this is going to mean trouble for Neal. He just has no idea how much trouble it's made for Neal already. It's not just about them being friends. They passed that milestone months ago, and now it's something else between them. Might be flirting, except Peter can't flirt if he's thinking about it, which either means he doesn't realize he's doing it or he's not doing it at all. Neal knows which choice he'd prefer, but he doesn't kid himself he actually has a prayer of being able to tell.
And he'd be happy to leave things as they are, except they're never consistent enough for him to manage. It's always up and down, one extreme to another. One day Neal's so on edge he could scream with how bad he wants to drag Peter into a broom closet and plaster himself on him; the next day they piss each other off so bad he thinks Peter might actually take a swing at him. It's not a status quo that can be maintained; something's going to break eventually, and it's going to be Neal's fault when it does.
He can see that critical moment coming up on him-- on them, and that's the problem really, in a nutshell. Peter's not a mark, he's not a job, he's not someone Neal can con or even someone he wants to con. So it's not just Neal making the choices here; it's Peter too. And that spells trouble because Neal knows exactly what he'll choose when the choice is laid before him, but Peter...
He has no idea what Peter's going to do. And that, frankly, scares the crap out of him.
All he can do for now is wait. Uncertainty isn't something he likes; he hates feeling like he's walking around with a question mark over his head, like that finely-honed sense of balance is lying to him. But that's just what Peter does-- puts him off his game, makes him stumble, forces him to choose one thing over another before he's had a chance to fully consider the difference between the two. He's as good at it as Neal is at conning; he sees the chinks in Neal's armor and picks at them until the whole thing falls apart and Neal's an open book waiting to be read.
It's only a matter of time, a question of when, not if. So for now, Neal's just spending some time every day grateful for his good luck, that Peter has yet to figure out that the biggest chink in Neal's armor is him.