epiphany.
I don't know why I'm even writing in here but oh well.
I wanted to share my...from cokehead to superman story, as well as the epiphany I had today. Oh, and today was my last "first day of school." I started my last semester in college, and I graduate in 116 days!!
So I went on a date with "Officer Brian" for the first time, back in December before I went to Philly. Then I was in Philly for 3 weeks and we spoke on the phone or texted every single day I was there. Then he sent me a dozen white roses for News Years! Then the Friday I came home (after midnight cause my original flight got cancelled) he came to see me, while he was on duty and e hung out for awhile. Then on Saturday he came to my roommate's suprise keg party, and he brought a bottle of tequila just because, and he bought me a nip of Crown Royal since I collect nips. Then he slept over, and we didn't do anything and he didn't even try, and he told me that his stepdad bought tickets to the Tampa Bucs Championship game (which was happening the next day) and he turned down the tickets since we already made plans to go to Busch Gardens. (the tickets were $1000 each and we def. could have gone to Busch Gardens ANY other day) And he said that he knows I don't believe in promises and that my last guy let me down time after time and he wasn't going to be that guy. WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? Then on Sunday we went to Busch Gardens and his friend got us in completely free and we had VIP parking. He bought me lunch and won me a prize. Then I drove him to get his car back from his friend's house and something in my hood exploded while I was parked waiting for him. I jumped out of my car and he came running, and there was smoke and fire coming out of the hood, but he opened it to figure out what was wrong, which he did. He waited with me for the towtruck, he followed the towtruck to his friend's autobody shop and then drove me all the way home, which is like 30 minutes from him. The auto shop didn't have a dropbox for the keys, and it was a Sunday night, so he woke up this morning on his day off and drove my keys there so they could work on my car. Then he PAID for my car to get fixed. Tomorrow I am going to try to get another restraining order on someone, and he is going to come with me and show his badge, so that shit gets done right!
This guy is pretty much amazing. He is like my hero, seriously. People say that corny shit all the time, but this is like for real!
And the things he says to me are so so so nice, I don't even know how to take them in or react to them.
I don't know what it's like to be with someone that genuinely cares about you, and looks our for you, and protects you and pays for you for everything! I mean Drew did that, but that was a long time ago, and all the negative shit I've been through is still so fresh and still healing, so for Brian to treat me this way is like unbelievable or something.
I feel like I owe him so much already. I just can't get over it. It's like it's too good to be true or something, so it makes me nervous that things can only get worse. But I'm not being negative anymore, things happen how they're supposed to and they happen for a reason, and for some reason he found me and I let him in.
I didn't even want to get serious with anyone anytime soon. I just want to be alone, and be Christine, and figure out where I'll be living in 7 months, and figure out where I'll be working, and how I'm going to tackle this book. I wanted to date along the way, date guyS-plural, and just see what it is to live. But I am a monogomous person, I like committment and I like relationships, and if I have something great in front of me, why should I push it away or just let it go? It doesn't make sense. He was put here for a reason, and I need to figure out that reason.
This time I just can't lose sight of me and myself, and my needs and my wants, because in the end, I'm just empty when that happens. I can figure out my living situation, working situation and book situation all the while having fun with him, I just can't let him get in the way this time, like they usually do.
I took the bus to class today, and it reminded me of Central. It was a nice nostalgia. While on he bus I realized that I am Happy. And to be honest, I don't remember the last time I was happy. I've been so boggled down with drama, threats, fear and a brokenheart lately, that I forgot to be happy. But when I was looking out of the window of that bus I realized how happy I am, and how much I'm going to fight to not lose that feeling again. I realized that I LOVE Florida, and as much as it hurts to say and to recognize, and as much as I miss home and my family, I am inlove with it here, and this is where I want to be. And I'm going to do what it takes to make it here. I'm going to get my beach house, and write my book, and have a loving marriage with some cute kids running around in bathing suits and boogie boards. Maybe I'll get a dog. But I'm going to make my dreams come true. And that's that.
I wanted to share my...from cokehead to superman story, as well as the epiphany I had today. Oh, and today was my last "first day of school." I started my last semester in college, and I graduate in 116 days!!
So I went on a date with "Officer Brian" for the first time, back in December before I went to Philly. Then I was in Philly for 3 weeks and we spoke on the phone or texted every single day I was there. Then he sent me a dozen white roses for News Years! Then the Friday I came home (after midnight cause my original flight got cancelled) he came to see me, while he was on duty and e hung out for awhile. Then on Saturday he came to my roommate's suprise keg party, and he brought a bottle of tequila just because, and he bought me a nip of Crown Royal since I collect nips. Then he slept over, and we didn't do anything and he didn't even try, and he told me that his stepdad bought tickets to the Tampa Bucs Championship game (which was happening the next day) and he turned down the tickets since we already made plans to go to Busch Gardens. (the tickets were $1000 each and we def. could have gone to Busch Gardens ANY other day) And he said that he knows I don't believe in promises and that my last guy let me down time after time and he wasn't going to be that guy. WHO THINKS LIKE THIS? Then on Sunday we went to Busch Gardens and his friend got us in completely free and we had VIP parking. He bought me lunch and won me a prize. Then I drove him to get his car back from his friend's house and something in my hood exploded while I was parked waiting for him. I jumped out of my car and he came running, and there was smoke and fire coming out of the hood, but he opened it to figure out what was wrong, which he did. He waited with me for the towtruck, he followed the towtruck to his friend's autobody shop and then drove me all the way home, which is like 30 minutes from him. The auto shop didn't have a dropbox for the keys, and it was a Sunday night, so he woke up this morning on his day off and drove my keys there so they could work on my car. Then he PAID for my car to get fixed. Tomorrow I am going to try to get another restraining order on someone, and he is going to come with me and show his badge, so that shit gets done right!
This guy is pretty much amazing. He is like my hero, seriously. People say that corny shit all the time, but this is like for real!
And the things he says to me are so so so nice, I don't even know how to take them in or react to them.
I don't know what it's like to be with someone that genuinely cares about you, and looks our for you, and protects you and pays for you for everything! I mean Drew did that, but that was a long time ago, and all the negative shit I've been through is still so fresh and still healing, so for Brian to treat me this way is like unbelievable or something.
I feel like I owe him so much already. I just can't get over it. It's like it's too good to be true or something, so it makes me nervous that things can only get worse. But I'm not being negative anymore, things happen how they're supposed to and they happen for a reason, and for some reason he found me and I let him in.
I didn't even want to get serious with anyone anytime soon. I just want to be alone, and be Christine, and figure out where I'll be living in 7 months, and figure out where I'll be working, and how I'm going to tackle this book. I wanted to date along the way, date guyS-plural, and just see what it is to live. But I am a monogomous person, I like committment and I like relationships, and if I have something great in front of me, why should I push it away or just let it go? It doesn't make sense. He was put here for a reason, and I need to figure out that reason.
This time I just can't lose sight of me and myself, and my needs and my wants, because in the end, I'm just empty when that happens. I can figure out my living situation, working situation and book situation all the while having fun with him, I just can't let him get in the way this time, like they usually do.
I took the bus to class today, and it reminded me of Central. It was a nice nostalgia. While on he bus I realized that I am Happy. And to be honest, I don't remember the last time I was happy. I've been so boggled down with drama, threats, fear and a brokenheart lately, that I forgot to be happy. But when I was looking out of the window of that bus I realized how happy I am, and how much I'm going to fight to not lose that feeling again. I realized that I LOVE Florida, and as much as it hurts to say and to recognize, and as much as I miss home and my family, I am inlove with it here, and this is where I want to be. And I'm going to do what it takes to make it here. I'm going to get my beach house, and write my book, and have a loving marriage with some cute kids running around in bathing suits and boogie boards. Maybe I'll get a dog. But I'm going to make my dreams come true. And that's that.