Why the heck not?
Well I barely post anymore, no time, but I suppose there is no time like the present. I don't really know what to say, what points to make in all the catching up since Christmas. This has always been more of a time keeper then a place for me to rant or anything like that...a record of the life I've had since high school, sometimes I think a new chapter of my life now has begun, since Oliver, so maybe I should find a new place for recording memories....we'll see.
He's one now. And he's grown up enough that he can show you he's one by holding up a finger (I doubt he understands but he can pretend he does). My views on life have changed a bit. My thoughts on the way people behave have only become clearer and I'm suddenly much more afraid of everything...and more affected. I guess the best way to describe motherhood is that it makes everything much more extreme. Your highs are so high....the love you feel every day. That warm feeling you get when you have a major crush, or even more so when you are just falling in love....you feel that constantly, but you also feel afraid, so afraid, which gives you a similar feeling that you have when you are in love, just queasier. And emotional, you feel very emotional, and times when you hear or see something bad involving someone's child, especially a baby....even if it's fiction....that just slays you. Worries about where your life is going aren't as important, but worries about what KIND of a person you are, they grow much much stronger. Will I be my mom someday? Everything in your life is about that other life. There is no separation. You are one.
His birthday went perfectly. Just about everybody came, and I think they had a good time despite how little was planned and how crowded our small living area was with so many loved ones around. Ollie is a pretty charming guy so everyone left smiling. Some didn't want to go.
I'm discovering everything all over again with him. Going to the park, going to the zoo, listening to a bouncy song, life. I can't wait to show him everything I love. I must make sure I don't give it all to him too soon. He's going to Canterbury Park for the first time in May for opening weekend/The Preakness. Derby day is quickly approaching and I'm very excited as usual. I have no idea yet who's going to win but think it's going to be a good race. My birthday came and went. Andrea, Haley, and I had fun at Titanic 3D and I'm glad we all enjoy that movie in the same way. I didn't really care that much about it being my birthday though... It just doesn't matter to me anymore, at least not this year.
He's one now. And he's grown up enough that he can show you he's one by holding up a finger (I doubt he understands but he can pretend he does). My views on life have changed a bit. My thoughts on the way people behave have only become clearer and I'm suddenly much more afraid of everything...and more affected. I guess the best way to describe motherhood is that it makes everything much more extreme. Your highs are so high....the love you feel every day. That warm feeling you get when you have a major crush, or even more so when you are just falling in love....you feel that constantly, but you also feel afraid, so afraid, which gives you a similar feeling that you have when you are in love, just queasier. And emotional, you feel very emotional, and times when you hear or see something bad involving someone's child, especially a baby....even if it's fiction....that just slays you. Worries about where your life is going aren't as important, but worries about what KIND of a person you are, they grow much much stronger. Will I be my mom someday? Everything in your life is about that other life. There is no separation. You are one.
His birthday went perfectly. Just about everybody came, and I think they had a good time despite how little was planned and how crowded our small living area was with so many loved ones around. Ollie is a pretty charming guy so everyone left smiling. Some didn't want to go.
I'm discovering everything all over again with him. Going to the park, going to the zoo, listening to a bouncy song, life. I can't wait to show him everything I love. I must make sure I don't give it all to him too soon. He's going to Canterbury Park for the first time in May for opening weekend/The Preakness. Derby day is quickly approaching and I'm very excited as usual. I have no idea yet who's going to win but think it's going to be a good race. My birthday came and went. Andrea, Haley, and I had fun at Titanic 3D and I'm glad we all enjoy that movie in the same way. I didn't really care that much about it being my birthday though... It just doesn't matter to me anymore, at least not this year.