The Road To Okay...
I don’t see myself as perfect, obviously.
Since I’m not, should I strive to be?
I mean, isn’t that what most people so…strive to be perfect?
I don’t think I should. While I know I’m not perfect, I am me.
I wouldn’t have done the things I’ve done, or met and become friends with the people I have, or anything.
Sure, my life has been fucked up. So is everyone else’s life.
What I’m trying to say is…I’m happy with myself, I like who I am, and that is disconcerting to me. It’s something I’ve never really felt.
Now that I like who I am…I don’t know what to do…I mean, sure, I could critique things about myself, but I won’t. I’m not that unsure of myself that I need to do that anymore.
Of course, I’m not happy with this point I’ve come to in my life…how could I be?
I just moved clear across the country to be with the boyfriend that I was sure was the one person I was going to be with forever, and I knew he felt the same, because he told me, and because I thought I could feel it. I moved in with him, only to find out, a month later, that he had "fallen out of love" with me.
I have no car, no job, no money…I can’t afford college. I don’t want to go back into Job Corps.
It seems my lot in life is to always want for something. I know that I will live though. I always do.
I’ll find a way.
Like I said, there’s always a job I can get, no matter what it pays…I can save up and go to school and get a certification. Then, I’ll be all set. I’ll save up and get a car. I’ll be okay, I know it.
The road to Okay just sucks hardcore, though