To fly or not to fly
Gallifrey One: I'm going. The issue is: how do I get there?
If you've paid attention to various posts I've made here, you'll notice that it's fairly obvious that I don't like to fly. I'll generally go to irritating lengths to avoid it, if it's feasible. And this time around, I sort of just don't want to deal. Part of me thinks, can't I just suck it up, deal with how it sucks and make it through? Problem is, I'm hugely phobic about it.
I won't lie; the level of my phobia is nowhere near where it was at one time. I had it click in randomly when I was 15 (literally, in between two flights in one day...first flight: fine, second flight: terrified mess). Not that it was that random; I know exactly why it cropped up (thanks, Mom). Unfortunately, that doesn't help it NOT exist. It's here now, and I deal with it.
And really, I DO fly. I don't enjoy it, but I do it. I'm generally OK if I go with my husband and medicate myself (thank you, tranquilizers). The problem is, to fly to Gally, I'd be going alone. And I've NEVER done that. I find it vaguely terrifying. And really, the fear isn't so much how I'll deal with the flight, but how I'll deal with the months leading up to the flight, knowing I'm going alone.
My other option is to take a train. Fortunately, there IS a train that goes directly from Chicago to LA. And I've taken it before. But ugh, it's about 40 hours each way, I'd have to take more time off of work, I'd be in LA for less time, and I'd be bored out of my mind stuck somewhere for FOREVER. It's enough to make me consider getting on a plane by myself.
I'm leaving for an appointment with my therapist in about 15 minutes...I need to discuss this with her and see if it is possible for me to do thing. Honestly, this is the first time I've really considered it, and I'm just ACHING for the freedom to be able to do it. I want to be independent, I really do, and I hate it when my fears and anxiety get in the way of that. This is something I want to be able to do.
And really, when I think about it, I think it won't be that bad. It's just that I occasionally get these moments of terror imagining how I'll feel going through security, etc. by myself, the feeling of taking off and being alone with strangers...just...not fun.
So, I don't know. We'll see.