(no subject)
I just don't understand, I guess. I can't comprehend people being so mean. I can't comprehend people hating me for so much that they don't even understand.
If it makes them happy, I hope they know how much things hurt. I hope that makes them sleep better at night, because that's the only thing that's getting me through. Laugh if you want to, but I just hope it makes you feel like a better person.
I'm tired. I am ridiculosly tired. I talked with Meghan today, and if she wants to go run and laugh, then she can. I'm tired of caring. But I'm losing Ryan because of it. And, honestly, I'm exhausted. And I don't care anymore. How horrible is that? I'm to the point that I know I don't deserve this shit that he has competely put me though and I know I can find better.
Like Derek, like Daniel, and like Matt. They fought for me. They wanted me. They didn't leave me for a fucking ex-girlfriend.
Sometimes I want to punch him. Because he doesn't do enough for me. All his friends think he's bending over backwards for me, but it's not enough. Not for what he put me through.
I lost myself. I lost everything. I gave everything I had to him. And when things started to get back together? He calls and says, I want you back.
I should have said FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. Maybe Beth Anne is smarter for letting him go. Honestly, I wish I had months ago. This is too much for me to handle. I've never had people be mean, I've never had people hate me, and I honestly do NOT know how to handle it.
Maybe that's immature of me. For what? For not being able to comprehend people hating me? Is that so horrible? But I can't take it. Not with fighting EVERYTHING for me. I fought everyone, my friends, Beth Anne, his parents, my parents (God, my father HATES him---he's never hated any one of my friends ever...) and now his friends. I don't have anything left. I really have nothing.
Please, someone give me a fucking break. I can't handle this anymore.
I just want to cry. For what I've done to Beth Anne. She doesn't deserve this. And she doesn't know any better than to make fun of me. Ignorant people do this. I wish she understood what kind of person I was. I wish she could be mature enough not to feel a satisfaction for making fun of me. I just don't understand people like that, and I hope I never will because that would make me as horrible as they are.
I can never be that person.
I know Beth Anne and I would have gotten along. I know Meghan is lying to me. I know that Ryan really thinks he loves me. But I don't know if it came down to it, if he would really stand up for me.
Fuck him for that.
If it makes them happy, I hope they know how much things hurt. I hope that makes them sleep better at night, because that's the only thing that's getting me through. Laugh if you want to, but I just hope it makes you feel like a better person.
I'm tired. I am ridiculosly tired. I talked with Meghan today, and if she wants to go run and laugh, then she can. I'm tired of caring. But I'm losing Ryan because of it. And, honestly, I'm exhausted. And I don't care anymore. How horrible is that? I'm to the point that I know I don't deserve this shit that he has competely put me though and I know I can find better.
Like Derek, like Daniel, and like Matt. They fought for me. They wanted me. They didn't leave me for a fucking ex-girlfriend.
Sometimes I want to punch him. Because he doesn't do enough for me. All his friends think he's bending over backwards for me, but it's not enough. Not for what he put me through.
I lost myself. I lost everything. I gave everything I had to him. And when things started to get back together? He calls and says, I want you back.
I should have said FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. Maybe Beth Anne is smarter for letting him go. Honestly, I wish I had months ago. This is too much for me to handle. I've never had people be mean, I've never had people hate me, and I honestly do NOT know how to handle it.
Maybe that's immature of me. For what? For not being able to comprehend people hating me? Is that so horrible? But I can't take it. Not with fighting EVERYTHING for me. I fought everyone, my friends, Beth Anne, his parents, my parents (God, my father HATES him---he's never hated any one of my friends ever...) and now his friends. I don't have anything left. I really have nothing.
Please, someone give me a fucking break. I can't handle this anymore.
I just want to cry. For what I've done to Beth Anne. She doesn't deserve this. And she doesn't know any better than to make fun of me. Ignorant people do this. I wish she understood what kind of person I was. I wish she could be mature enough not to feel a satisfaction for making fun of me. I just don't understand people like that, and I hope I never will because that would make me as horrible as they are.
I can never be that person.
I know Beth Anne and I would have gotten along. I know Meghan is lying to me. I know that Ryan really thinks he loves me. But I don't know if it came down to it, if he would really stand up for me.
Fuck him for that.