i'm rambling.. my forte.
So I'll be making a new journal soon after I figure out what I want it to be called, for reasons already stated. In the meantime.. On my old laptop I was writing journal entries offline -- I'll have to see if I can recover some of them because at the time they were rather entertaining or morbidly funny, but to recap now after so long it would be moot.
I haven't had any major life lessons today. After running a 'crap cleaner' on a NEW computer it's finally decided to acknowledge the various drives it has in letter and names instead of "USB 001", "USB 002" so on and so forth, so now yes, I CAN actually open the CD rom/dvd/all god's power worth in one tiny unit drive... still not manually though -- no button. But oh well.
Having a couple beers because I have nothing better to do. I'm sure no one else experiences feelings like mine which lead to drinking or you would be hitting a six pack too. I'm sure a fair share of it has to do with this manic depressive thing that I've been labelled (and, for the most part am admitting I have).. but I hate waking up on a perfect morning and feeling incomplete, discouraged, frustrated.. like I'm not doing enough.. when all I have to do and is expected of the human race within the first half hour is to:
Brush teeth
Bathe
Eat breakfast - optional.
Maybe it will all clean up when I have the ability to drive (sober, that is, I will never drive under the influence of anything since I am under the influence of something quite regularly). So when I wake up I can fulfill the need to be hyperactive or at least in the process of moving around, watching society, etc... instead of sitting at home on my days off wondering if going to the store for only a couple bags of groceries is worth the 40 minute walk home.
I guess in the worst case, which happens every day for me, is that once I bust my ass at work doing 4 peoples' jobs (literally because we are that short staffed) I come home and all I want to do is play a video game. I remember in high school I could be lost to video games for months, weeks, years (slip a pancake under the door, I'll drink the condensation off my bedroom window) and be perfectly content. Now I come home for the video game, boot it up, I'm not even past the opening credits when -- it's still fine to play the video game but only if I'm teaching myself math, reading National Geographic, playing ALSO on my DS and knitting at the same time -- is it not a 'waste of time'.
I usually just give up and go to bed.
Self defeating behavior. But when were video games supposed to cause panic attacks and scream at you "Shithead! You're not doing enough!"
Not to mention by the time I'm clearly motivated to do something it's about 1 in the morning and I can't because I have work... This behavior never happens on a weekend though. I'm doing my laundry today. This is a miracle.
I'm done complaining. I am adapting to the life of a squirrel. I would like nuts now please, but not anything naughty. And I am bored again.
Speaking of which..
I did learn a life lesson today. The nerve capabilities in my defunct right arm. It's neat now but it won't be if it gets infected.
I was cooking a pizza and in the process of trying to get the extra large pizza out of the oven (shut up, I won't eat it in one sitting, it lasts me the entire week.. SSHHHH) I bumped my right arm against the upper rack and burned it because I felt mild heat and "oops, ow..."
Ran it under cold water and did the whole drill and everything was fine. About a half hour later I have this cold leaky sensation and I guess I burnt it kinda bad because I can see a definite .. uhm.. pothole? where I met the rack into my skin and it's oozing.
Antibiotics please.
Still doesn't feel too nasty except it feels like my arm has been in a freezer forever. Which is funny because I can tell temps fine with the finger.
Blah., the human body.
Bored now. Bye.
I haven't had any major life lessons today. After running a 'crap cleaner' on a NEW computer it's finally decided to acknowledge the various drives it has in letter and names instead of "USB 001", "USB 002" so on and so forth, so now yes, I CAN actually open the CD rom/dvd/all god's power worth in one tiny unit drive... still not manually though -- no button. But oh well.
Having a couple beers because I have nothing better to do. I'm sure no one else experiences feelings like mine which lead to drinking or you would be hitting a six pack too. I'm sure a fair share of it has to do with this manic depressive thing that I've been labelled (and, for the most part am admitting I have).. but I hate waking up on a perfect morning and feeling incomplete, discouraged, frustrated.. like I'm not doing enough.. when all I have to do and is expected of the human race within the first half hour is to:
Brush teeth
Bathe
Eat breakfast - optional.
Maybe it will all clean up when I have the ability to drive (sober, that is, I will never drive under the influence of anything since I am under the influence of something quite regularly). So when I wake up I can fulfill the need to be hyperactive or at least in the process of moving around, watching society, etc... instead of sitting at home on my days off wondering if going to the store for only a couple bags of groceries is worth the 40 minute walk home.
I guess in the worst case, which happens every day for me, is that once I bust my ass at work doing 4 peoples' jobs (literally because we are that short staffed) I come home and all I want to do is play a video game. I remember in high school I could be lost to video games for months, weeks, years (slip a pancake under the door, I'll drink the condensation off my bedroom window) and be perfectly content. Now I come home for the video game, boot it up, I'm not even past the opening credits when -- it's still fine to play the video game but only if I'm teaching myself math, reading National Geographic, playing ALSO on my DS and knitting at the same time -- is it not a 'waste of time'.
I usually just give up and go to bed.
Self defeating behavior. But when were video games supposed to cause panic attacks and scream at you "Shithead! You're not doing enough!"
Not to mention by the time I'm clearly motivated to do something it's about 1 in the morning and I can't because I have work... This behavior never happens on a weekend though. I'm doing my laundry today. This is a miracle.
I'm done complaining. I am adapting to the life of a squirrel. I would like nuts now please, but not anything naughty. And I am bored again.
Speaking of which..
I did learn a life lesson today. The nerve capabilities in my defunct right arm. It's neat now but it won't be if it gets infected.
I was cooking a pizza and in the process of trying to get the extra large pizza out of the oven (shut up, I won't eat it in one sitting, it lasts me the entire week.. SSHHHH) I bumped my right arm against the upper rack and burned it because I felt mild heat and "oops, ow..."
Ran it under cold water and did the whole drill and everything was fine. About a half hour later I have this cold leaky sensation and I guess I burnt it kinda bad because I can see a definite .. uhm.. pothole? where I met the rack into my skin and it's oozing.
Antibiotics please.
Still doesn't feel too nasty except it feels like my arm has been in a freezer forever. Which is funny because I can tell temps fine with the finger.
Blah., the human body.
Bored now. Bye.