eh.
I fought off the blah's for a few days there. Or at least covered them up. or something.
I woke up today sad. Bad dreams, little sleep. Worried about this move and Feather's switching shifts and what it may or may not do to us as a married couple :\
Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe I'm being a selfish bitch in wanting my husband around ;( For more then in goddamn passing or between bed. The only reason we have mornings right now is cause I manage to drag myself out of bed at 6am to try to talk to him. Friday nights we might be lucky to have some time.
I don't in any case blame our kiddo for this; though the adjustment comes from her, for her, I do not cast my bitter thoughts in her direction; nor do I think 'fuck, why did we have a kid, fuck this sucks'.
Just miss my husband :( It kinda hurt the other night when he said, half asleep/awake "I miss you". When we were laying next to each other. Daughter in my lap; but beside each other. It hurt in a sad achy way. Like this tension headache aches and throbs now. I miss him too, and perhaps I show it too much :/ He seems to be able to just 'accept' things for what they are and go on, and usually, I can do the same, but not lately.
I miss his touch. I don't always feel like a wife sometimes lately :/ I feel like a glorified milk cow that makes dinner and tries not to lose her shit when small things happen.
I don't relish seeing him mostly on weekends, and in moderate passing in between shifts. Night Crew may be the answer to this kid care dilemma (dilemma being : Child care is fuck all expensive.260-300 a week : | ) but it creates so many more troubles and worries, and it hasn't even started yet.
Dad worked nights for a long, long time. Mom didn't work. He slept during the day, as expected given he worked nights. They fought so much. I am horrified to end up in the situation. I never knew why mom didnt work; other then dad's income allowed for such. She didn't do a whole lot; once she used to be pretty involved in our school life and stuff,but that stopped. She got kind of lazy, and spent money. I _DONT_ want to be that person. I dont want to cause fights.
I don't want to shout. I fear things won't get done during the day; i mean, he has to sleep eventually. But stuff has to get paid, groceries need to be obtained.. house needs to be cleaned.
Augh ;(
I just miss my husband. My Feathers; please come home safely :\ I wish we could cuddle.
Guess ill go pass out on the couch for now; try to get an hour in while Miss Zoe is out for a bit. :(
I woke up today sad. Bad dreams, little sleep. Worried about this move and Feather's switching shifts and what it may or may not do to us as a married couple :\
Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe I'm being a selfish bitch in wanting my husband around ;( For more then in goddamn passing or between bed. The only reason we have mornings right now is cause I manage to drag myself out of bed at 6am to try to talk to him. Friday nights we might be lucky to have some time.
I don't in any case blame our kiddo for this; though the adjustment comes from her, for her, I do not cast my bitter thoughts in her direction; nor do I think 'fuck, why did we have a kid, fuck this sucks'.
Just miss my husband :( It kinda hurt the other night when he said, half asleep/awake "I miss you". When we were laying next to each other. Daughter in my lap; but beside each other. It hurt in a sad achy way. Like this tension headache aches and throbs now. I miss him too, and perhaps I show it too much :/ He seems to be able to just 'accept' things for what they are and go on, and usually, I can do the same, but not lately.
I miss his touch. I don't always feel like a wife sometimes lately :/ I feel like a glorified milk cow that makes dinner and tries not to lose her shit when small things happen.
I don't relish seeing him mostly on weekends, and in moderate passing in between shifts. Night Crew may be the answer to this kid care dilemma (dilemma being : Child care is fuck all expensive.260-300 a week : | ) but it creates so many more troubles and worries, and it hasn't even started yet.
Dad worked nights for a long, long time. Mom didn't work. He slept during the day, as expected given he worked nights. They fought so much. I am horrified to end up in the situation. I never knew why mom didnt work; other then dad's income allowed for such. She didn't do a whole lot; once she used to be pretty involved in our school life and stuff,but that stopped. She got kind of lazy, and spent money. I _DONT_ want to be that person. I dont want to cause fights.
I don't want to shout. I fear things won't get done during the day; i mean, he has to sleep eventually. But stuff has to get paid, groceries need to be obtained.. house needs to be cleaned.
Augh ;(
I just miss my husband. My Feathers; please come home safely :\ I wish we could cuddle.
Guess ill go pass out on the couch for now; try to get an hour in while Miss Zoe is out for a bit. :(