wow its been forever..
i completely forgot about this thing.. livejournal is too good to just leave forgotten. I miss writting in here all the time. It's so much more personal, and stress relieving. I dont even write this much in my regular journal its just easier to type something then to write it. My brother is playing guitar hero II and i love this game, today was my first time playing it and i have to admit it is pretty tight lol. and i got a 94% on the easy level lol id say im doing pretty good, im addicted alright.. hm lol
Well as i read back on all my journal entries i really suprised myself. I have changed so much but things are still the same .. i dont know, being around the college scene is so tempting.. everything about it, it can be so easy just to let go and 'have fun' and i did for a little bit and it scared me.. i began to lose a sense of myself. I began to grow farther away from God and grew more and more distant from everything and everyone. I havent been able to trust anyone, or 'let myself go' with the people closes to me. Ive cahnged so much it got to the point where i wouldnt let anyone close, i would open up a little bit and then once it got to the point where i could be vulerable i completely cut off my feelings and closed up inside. This is my way of not getting hurt. The minute i found a guy like myself at Ferris i immediatley flocked to him (lol) and guess what he did.. the same thing i have been doing to everyone else.. ironic huh.. got what i deserved..a little bit lol. That is another thing, ive been so preoccupied on boys i dont find time for nething else.. why? i dont know. Prolly because i am so used to having someone there, i find comfort in having someone there. But that was the point of me and matts break up. I want to be independent right now, i need to be, i just starting going to college, i dont know where ill end up, or who i will be with, or anyone at that, i need to knwo that i can and will be ok on my own emotionally and financially. So many things have happend in these past months and ive changed so much in everyway. Some things i have changed for the better and some for the worst. Hopefully i can change those changes for the worse in good time. But no reason to sit here and worry about them because it is all in Gods hands and i know i will be ok.
Time for change.
It will be tough.
No one ever said it would be easy.
I will be writting on here more often.. i miss it..
Hope everyones Christmas was a good one :)
Well as i read back on all my journal entries i really suprised myself. I have changed so much but things are still the same .. i dont know, being around the college scene is so tempting.. everything about it, it can be so easy just to let go and 'have fun' and i did for a little bit and it scared me.. i began to lose a sense of myself. I began to grow farther away from God and grew more and more distant from everything and everyone. I havent been able to trust anyone, or 'let myself go' with the people closes to me. Ive cahnged so much it got to the point where i wouldnt let anyone close, i would open up a little bit and then once it got to the point where i could be vulerable i completely cut off my feelings and closed up inside. This is my way of not getting hurt. The minute i found a guy like myself at Ferris i immediatley flocked to him (lol) and guess what he did.. the same thing i have been doing to everyone else.. ironic huh.. got what i deserved..a little bit lol. That is another thing, ive been so preoccupied on boys i dont find time for nething else.. why? i dont know. Prolly because i am so used to having someone there, i find comfort in having someone there. But that was the point of me and matts break up. I want to be independent right now, i need to be, i just starting going to college, i dont know where ill end up, or who i will be with, or anyone at that, i need to knwo that i can and will be ok on my own emotionally and financially. So many things have happend in these past months and ive changed so much in everyway. Some things i have changed for the better and some for the worst. Hopefully i can change those changes for the worse in good time. But no reason to sit here and worry about them because it is all in Gods hands and i know i will be ok.
Time for change.
It will be tough.
No one ever said it would be easy.
I will be writting on here more often.. i miss it..
Hope everyones Christmas was a good one :)