Phlushing Phobia
A burning question has been... Well, burning in the back of my mind for the past couple days now. It is a question fouler than the River Styx, smellier than the Pit of Eternal Stench from "Labyrinth", and located far in the realm of topics not suitable for the dinner table. And the question is, why do men not flush the toilet in Public Restrooms?
As sick as it might sound, most of the male population of this Earth will not flush the toilet in a public rest room. Nine out of ten times upon entering a restroom, the unpleasant bouquet of aroma that comprises the stench of human wastes fill my nostrils within mere milliseconds. But why do men do this?
I've seen it happen too. I'll just be at a urinal, doing my business, and I'll hear a stall door open, and out will come a man, followed by the stench of that he left behind. This person doesn't always have to be a dirty slob, in fact most of the time they'll walk over to the sink and wash their hands before walking out the door. So WHY can't they flush the toilet?
I've been asking around, trying to figure out an answer to this very difficult and highly repulsive question. And I think I have a few theories as to why many men will leave their floater behind:
1) Marking their territory
Men of any species have been proven to like marking their territory. As evident from the number of dog urinals, and "Joey wuz here" scrawlings on the bathroom walls, guys like other guys to know the've been in that particular location. And how better to leave a mark than by leaving a loaf? A word of advice to any guys who like to "leave their mark", I'd rather read really bad poetry written on the wall (Another study all together) than have to smell your anus' opus.
2) Humour
Guys think fart jokes are funny. Whereas most girls think fart jokes are funny too, ALL guys think they're hilarious. And hey, if farting's funny, what about crapping? It's brilliant!
"Hey guys, come smell what I just shat out!"
"Hehehe, it's sooo smelly"
Guys, it's not funny. Stop it.
3) Fear of flushing
This is the theory I personally believe in. Since the invention of the urinal, the toilet has become obsolete in guys' eyes. They're going to avoid it if at all possible. Why spend all that time sitting down, taking your pants down and everything, when you can just undo the top and let 'er fly while standing up? This has become the preferred method of relieving yourself in public restrooms for guys. So, let's say they have to Number 2, they don't want to lose stature with all their friends. So they'll sneak into the stall, pinch a quick one off, and get out as quickly as possible. Because if you didn't hear the flush, you didn't use the toilet.
Whatever the reason, not flushing the toilet has got to be one of the sickest aspects of today's culture. I mean, guys always flush it at home, so why leave it in a public toilet, for all unlucky men to smell? So next time you empty your colon as well as your bladder in a restroom, make sure you empty the toilet too.