"she fell funny" - french, the departed
i am SO out of it. my life is everywhere and nowhere. NOwhere. my cellphone didn't have signal ALL evening tonight. i bought this cool purple nailpolish that will be my nail color for the summer, saw "pirates 3" for the second time this afternoon with ben hechtazoid and teddy parker. saw kelly h. and grace b. at coldstone afterwards, but only by coincidence.
my fingers smell like lime. i'm going crazy. i sound calm, but internally, i'm hyperventilating in the tension that is my so-called "life"
i'm bored. i've been trying to watch one of my favorite movies of all time, but i haven't finished it yet, i'm just stuck in the middle. i'm trying to clean out my desk and i'm going through all the old school supplies i no longer need left over from this past academic year.
i'm ABOUT to start my impressionist version in my series of portraits of lidia-jean kott. i think i'll title the series "A Study of Lidia-Jean". maybe.
oh shit, it's alexa's birthday tomorrow. they're all at thea's farm now, having a blast, drinking, hearing the dice play beautiful musica, etc. less people are coming than hoped though, which is rather unfortunate but not really my problem. i didn't buy alexa a gift though. whatever. maybe i'll just text her at midnight. and a bunch of other people are out of town. like tavi's leaving, as is matt for the holiday weekend.
i need to go back to sean's sometime next week and just duke it out with anna m. on guitar hero. but i do have a lot of painting to do. i wanna finish the impressionism one AND the cubism one by the end of the week or at the latest by the weekend.
sorry, spilling my thoughts pointlessly. must be dreadfully NOT entertaining. whatever. like that's important to me right now. painting's important to me right now. everything else just seems so natural, so easy. almost TOO easy. easy in a bad way. easy as in accessible, no longer worth the effort, too easily won, etc, etc.
ugh, i just lugged over 30 pounds of AP calculus prep and text books off my desk and into a storage box. ridiculous.
no calls, no messages.
anxiety over...something. but seemingly nothing. i can't pinpoint any one single aspect of my situation about which i would be anxious. and yet i am anxious still. something has happened, but i suppose since i can't identify it, casting it away as nothing would be my natural tendency. still, i do not ignore the fact that i am anxious. something's rotten in denver. or denmark. or both. whatever.
relief will come. i'm painting hardcore tomorrow. just me and the impressionists. me and my canvas, and my brushes and my tubes of acrylic paint. and a little disposable cup of rinse water. and the sunlight. and possibly some music or a movie playing in the background.
nowadays, it is things like that i look forward to, not other things. things i used to look forward to, well, now, they just are to me. they exist. they come, they go, they come back again, it's nice. but the identities of my retreats are shifting.
"the world's not getting smaller;
the world's the same.
there's just less in it."
- captain jack sparrow
my fingers smell like lime. i'm going crazy. i sound calm, but internally, i'm hyperventilating in the tension that is my so-called "life"
i'm bored. i've been trying to watch one of my favorite movies of all time, but i haven't finished it yet, i'm just stuck in the middle. i'm trying to clean out my desk and i'm going through all the old school supplies i no longer need left over from this past academic year.
i'm ABOUT to start my impressionist version in my series of portraits of lidia-jean kott. i think i'll title the series "A Study of Lidia-Jean". maybe.
oh shit, it's alexa's birthday tomorrow. they're all at thea's farm now, having a blast, drinking, hearing the dice play beautiful musica, etc. less people are coming than hoped though, which is rather unfortunate but not really my problem. i didn't buy alexa a gift though. whatever. maybe i'll just text her at midnight. and a bunch of other people are out of town. like tavi's leaving, as is matt for the holiday weekend.
i need to go back to sean's sometime next week and just duke it out with anna m. on guitar hero. but i do have a lot of painting to do. i wanna finish the impressionism one AND the cubism one by the end of the week or at the latest by the weekend.
sorry, spilling my thoughts pointlessly. must be dreadfully NOT entertaining. whatever. like that's important to me right now. painting's important to me right now. everything else just seems so natural, so easy. almost TOO easy. easy in a bad way. easy as in accessible, no longer worth the effort, too easily won, etc, etc.
ugh, i just lugged over 30 pounds of AP calculus prep and text books off my desk and into a storage box. ridiculous.
no calls, no messages.
anxiety over...something. but seemingly nothing. i can't pinpoint any one single aspect of my situation about which i would be anxious. and yet i am anxious still. something has happened, but i suppose since i can't identify it, casting it away as nothing would be my natural tendency. still, i do not ignore the fact that i am anxious. something's rotten in denver. or denmark. or both. whatever.
relief will come. i'm painting hardcore tomorrow. just me and the impressionists. me and my canvas, and my brushes and my tubes of acrylic paint. and a little disposable cup of rinse water. and the sunlight. and possibly some music or a movie playing in the background.
nowadays, it is things like that i look forward to, not other things. things i used to look forward to, well, now, they just are to me. they exist. they come, they go, they come back again, it's nice. but the identities of my retreats are shifting.
"the world's not getting smaller;
the world's the same.
there's just less in it."
- captain jack sparrow