Miracle of Miracles
Sooooo for some reason my mom does have her job...for another year anyway, and she wouldn't talk with me about my options past that point, which is good anyway. i do have finals to take. I mean my options would be 1)go through hell and back trying to fill out forms to get money from the govt/other sources 2)find the same callibur public school in GA which is just UGA (and they don't have my major concentration so something shitter) 3) or get married to bryon.
This takes such a load off but I'm still sour for some reason. Things were not fluid over here at casa de bryon and corynne, and i'm still unsure about how i feel about everything. i know this is pretty ambiguous but for hints check option number 3.
Oh yea and I think it's funny, i think life is funny and absurd and demented all at the same time. For some reason, Jeff who probably for the most part doesn't understand me thinks I need to keep my feet on the ground. Well let me just publicly explain myself.
I in fact DONT have a problem with keeping my feet on the ground. My problem is finding people to surround myself with in life that have my good will and vice versa in consideration, or whatever. Too many times in my life have I though that I have made friends, solid friends that I care deeply for, and then as the friendship wears on I realize that I'm meerly an entity to them, some certain personality or I serve a specific purpose. I have never truly felt latched on to anyone (except for a few people now), perhaps because I've always felt disconnected from everyone anyway. So different in some fundamental way that nobody gets me.
I find myself frequently crying these days because...I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It's like I walk, and no one sees me. Once I was trapped in this corner trying to get out and no one saw me standing there. So I just stood there and waited for them to move. I have lately been having a severe case of I don't matter, I;m not cool enough, I'm not pretty enough. Not just to anyone or anything, but in the grand scheme of things. And it just seems like no matter how nice and polite I am to people, no matter how much I care, I always always get walked all over. And this act is usually done with my permission.
I frankly don't know what to do. When I think I've found my niche somewhere, I realize that I'm....replacable. Perhaps this is all self-centered and I'm sure Jeff will come back with some explanation that blames all of this on me. I just don't understand how such a vibrant, beautiful person became so weak and ugly and unbearable.
This takes such a load off but I'm still sour for some reason. Things were not fluid over here at casa de bryon and corynne, and i'm still unsure about how i feel about everything. i know this is pretty ambiguous but for hints check option number 3.
Oh yea and I think it's funny, i think life is funny and absurd and demented all at the same time. For some reason, Jeff who probably for the most part doesn't understand me thinks I need to keep my feet on the ground. Well let me just publicly explain myself.
I in fact DONT have a problem with keeping my feet on the ground. My problem is finding people to surround myself with in life that have my good will and vice versa in consideration, or whatever. Too many times in my life have I though that I have made friends, solid friends that I care deeply for, and then as the friendship wears on I realize that I'm meerly an entity to them, some certain personality or I serve a specific purpose. I have never truly felt latched on to anyone (except for a few people now), perhaps because I've always felt disconnected from everyone anyway. So different in some fundamental way that nobody gets me.
I find myself frequently crying these days because...I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It's like I walk, and no one sees me. Once I was trapped in this corner trying to get out and no one saw me standing there. So I just stood there and waited for them to move. I have lately been having a severe case of I don't matter, I;m not cool enough, I'm not pretty enough. Not just to anyone or anything, but in the grand scheme of things. And it just seems like no matter how nice and polite I am to people, no matter how much I care, I always always get walked all over. And this act is usually done with my permission.
I frankly don't know what to do. When I think I've found my niche somewhere, I realize that I'm....replacable. Perhaps this is all self-centered and I'm sure Jeff will come back with some explanation that blames all of this on me. I just don't understand how such a vibrant, beautiful person became so weak and ugly and unbearable.