Prelude to a kiss (1/2)
Title: Prelude to a kiss
Genre: romance, angst, slice of life.
Rating: PG-15
Length: 14,154 words
Warnings: mentions of sex and drug use.
Summary: From 1998 to 2012, Luhan and Minseok have a lot of time to fall in and out of love.
A/N: Again thanks to shinealightrose for beta'ing! (I know I'm tiresome lol)
The first time Luhan ever saw him was on Halloween, 1998.
Sitting on the grass of his front yard, he didn't understood why there were two boys in the house next door. It had been empty for years, and by living in a small town, everyone knew which houses were occupied and which weren't.
"Your costume is poor," an eight-year-old Luhan opined, grinning. "But that's okay, because it's dark and no one except me has noticed."
The observation was obnoxious, but Luhan was too. When he had approached the pair of boys standing in the yard, he hadn't been expecting what his eyes were going to fall on.
One of the boys was a slight taller, and was wearing a mask of Friday the 13th's Jason that made Luhan a bit uneasy, because even if he was a fan of horror, his hatred for that movie was beyond descriptions. However, the other boy's costume was the reason why he had talked to them in the first place. It was clearly a blanket with two holes for the eyes and that was all, yet it was enough to wake the perfectionist side of Luhan.
Right then, Luhan was utterly proud of having disguised himself as a ghost hunter. There hadn't been any victims during the day to attack, but the chance he had been waiting for was in front of him.
"One, who are you?" The boy with the mask spat at him in an aggressive tone. "Two, if you talk to my brother like that again, I'm going to kick your ass."
It wasn't everyday a big boy threatened him, so Luhan's instinct sent a warning for him to go away. He stepped back as quickly as he was able to, but by making the first step towards his shelter, he entangled himself with the ghost hunter machine -or to be precise, a small vacuum cleaner. The landing on the ground was hard and dramatic, and soon had him howling in pain.
The strangers stared at him throughout a long, distressing silence as Luhan glanced back, sprawled on the ground with his ghost hunter machine two meters away from him.
The ghost peeked from behind his brother's back, hands fisted in insecurity. His eyes traveled over Luhan's figure as though he hadn't examined him before, somehow with a troubling gaze. He had a fierce stare, only accentuated by the cat-like shape of his eyelids, and Luhan responded at the eye contact in awe.
"He isn't wearing a Halloween costume, hyung," the ghost sentenced at last in a thin, sweet voice.
Luhan gaped at him, offended. All of sudden, he forgot about the pain on his knees and elbows, for he got too angry at the insult -and maybe, also a bit dramatic.
"This is my costume!" He exclaimed, pointing at his own clothes.
The ghost scratched his head through the blanket that covered him, "Halloween costumes have to be scary."
Jason laughed mockingly, but Luhan frowned. Perhaps a normal person shouldn't have been afraid of Luhan The Ghosthunter, yet a ghost definitely should be. As Jason was still making fun of him with his loud laugh, he took his brother's hand and dragged him past Luhan, who simply gazed at them in misery.
But then the two strangers started gaining some distance from Luhan, and the boy felt the abrupt urge to follow them. He couldn't point out why, but he didn't want to end the conversation there -he had lost against two boys with lame costumes. Groaning, he got up and bounced after the pair in his now scratched uniform and with the machine ready in hand.
The other boys perceived his presence almost instantly, both of them turning around as if demanding an explanation. Again, it was Jason who spoke. "Why are you following us?"
Luhan halted his steps, alarmed, and blinked very slowly.
"I'm alone."
Although he couldn't see the ghost's face, he almost detected the annoyment perspiring through the thin white material.
Jason sighed, "Come then. I guess you match Minseok's costume well."
Luhan happily hopped towards them, unaware of how much that would change his life path.
He learned a lot about Minseok during that year. The kid was new in town, a child from a family that used to manage a huge fortune in the past. Luhan had heard his parents comment that Minseok's father had a problem with gambling, although he had no idea of what that meant. But, apparently, it was the reason Minseok's family had ended moving into the modest town. Luhan wondered if it was also the cause of the permanent trail of sorrow on Minseok's face.
Minseok didn't talk much, yet his older brother did for him. The masked Jason was a real boy, much to Luhan's surprise, whose name was Jongdae. Minseok was always by his side, acting like a second shadow, and Luhan joined them out of curiosity.
Luhan's mother disapproved it, and at some point Luhan realized she wasn’t the only one. She always said those kids looked down on him, but in his opinion, Minseok barely glanced at him anyways.
On Halloween, 1999, after hours of pleading with the other boy, Luhan dressed as a ghost and Minseok as a ghost hunter. Jongdae, traditional, put his Jason mask on and walked them around the town.
It took Luhan two years to realize Minseok's father didn't live with them. It happened, too, that Minseok didn't invite him over his house until two years later, so he hadn't had a way to know. It was the first time he shared time with Minseok alone, and he was dead nervous. The boy was so silent and his eyes were so fierce that Luhan felt disconcerted all the time, his heart thumping against his ribcage.
It was Halloween, 2000, and Minseok revealed that he loved stories about haunted houses. His ten-year-old voice sounded shy and weak, as if it was something he was embarrassed about.
"Do you want me to tell you one?" Luhan asked him, a wide smile on his face. "I know a lot of ghost stories."
Minseok nodded, and while his face didn't show any emotion, his insides twisted in anticipation.
Minseok let go of Jongdae a bit the next year, but the attempt of independence was a false alarm. Even though he tried to make some friends at school, he never succeeded. He could build a small conversation with any classmate, and then out of the blue he needed to crawl toward Luhan. He settled himself in silence next to him, and Luhan spared him a loving stare that calmed his anxiety down. Minseok didn't know those kids, but he knew Luhan.
Luhan was always excessively energetic, but the quiet Minseok didn't seem bothered by it. He talked all the time and Minseok listened, and that was the mechanic of their relationship.
On Halloween, 2001, Minseok smiled at Luhan for the first time.
Luhan realized his sack was a lot fuller of sweets than Minseok's, and he had scowled at it. Too theatrical. It wasn't everyday that something annoyed Luhan, so the gesture of his eyebrows united in a line was completely strange to Minseok. He would have described it as quite comical, which made him laugh within at his friend. His inner laugh transformed into a smile in the exterior, and when Luhan diverted his attention from the sacks, he saw it. He was shocked enough to gawk like a fool at the cute grin in front of him.
Minseok's teeth were very small, just another childish trait that made Minseok look delicate, and his defined lips curled unevenly. White teeth and pink lips were all Luhan could process at that moment. He lost a few seconds until he recovered from his amazement. But then he closed his mouth and leaned in, stealing a hasty kiss from Minseok.
It didn’t matter that his friend became serious again, because it was too late; he had already sealed that unique smile forever.
They were only eleven at the time, and too naive to realize that boys usually didn't kiss each other. However, there was an inner feeling of secrecy in both of them, for neither discussed the kiss anymore. They didn't talk about it either after Luhan repeated the action a couple of afternoons later, and Minseok didn't stop him. His lips were soft and nice, and when Luhan was kissing him, Minseok forgot about the hole in his soul.
It wasn't just his lips. It was the way Luhan smiled at him after kissing him, and sometimes it was the previous sweet stroke of Luhan's hand against his cheek.
As time passed, Minseok decided to tell Jongdae. His brother closed his eyes at the news, sighing, and then patted him on the back.
"Just don't tell mom," Jongdae just pleaded.
Anyway, Minseok wouldn't have. His brother's words were the confirmation that, whatever the reason they craved each other's affection was, it wasn't okay.
The next time Luhan attempted to taste his lips, Minseok put a hand on his chest in order to avoid it, muttering, "Not anymore."
Despite the rejection, they never grew apart. Even though Luhan was an extrovert and clicked well with everyone, he didn't ignore Minseok. Indeed, it depended on him to remain in regular contact with his friend; Minseok was always at home, too insecure to call him to hang out. He had the stupid idea that Luhan could be irritated at having to spend his precious time with him, and he never got rid of the doubts. It was exhausting for Luhan too, regardless of how much he cherished Minseok. Especially when Sehun, Suho and Chanyeol were always asking him to go out with them but Minseok didn't want to.
In the meantime, both Luhan and Minseok developed their obsession for dark themes. The silent boy was always on the hunt for haunted houses in the zone, reading myths about them and drawing maps to visit them during the night. On the other hand, Luhan created which he would call Ghost detectors, even if Minseok scoffed at his misery when they didn't work. He had his own theories about how a ghostly entity would behave in the material world, and no one could convince him to think any different.
The next two Halloweens were different, because they weren’t kids trick or treating around the town. Both of them sneaked into an abandoned house and returned when their parents started to pester them on the phone. They had fun, though, and Luhan would always remember those nights because at least one of his ghost detectors had jingled in the darkness.
Halloween, 2004.
Luhan was way more excited than usual. Minseok could tell because the now blonde boy had appeared in front of his house without calling beforehand. He hadn't accepted any excuse for him not to see whatever he had prepared, and five minutes later Minseok had been dragged to Luhan's room between complaints from himself and laughs from his friend.
What Luhan yearned for showing him was one of his machines. This time the object was a small box with a huge lens in the middle and an obsolete antenna on top. Minseok figured that the parts were, as usual, taken from trash bins. Luhan's family had no money to pay for their son's passion, so the boy had gotten used to save the belongings of other people.
"It's a ghost detector!" Luhan exclaimed, with a huge grin painting his face. "It's sensitive both to movement and temperature, and this antenna sometimes catches electromagnetic waves. It also has an integrated video camera, with x-rays and all that."
Minseok analyzed the object from afar, trying not to be influenced by Luhan's enthusiasm. If Luhan had cast his spell on him, he wouldn't have been able to give his true opinion.
"What do you think?" Luhan insisted, impatient.
His friend released a deep breath. "Honestly? Too cliche. It will probably shoot up with the movement of a fly. And I have told you a million times, you don't have proof that the drop of temperature is a sign of a ghost. Indeed, it doesn't make much sense. If a ghost is energy, it should emit heat."
No one in the world had the privilege of hearing so many words emerging from Minseok's mouth. It was the result of a lot of effort from Luhan, of a lot of days in which he had been the one talking for hours. Until Minseok began to talk back. However, he had realized that Minseok never lied, no matter what the situation was, and from time to time Luhan had to listen to things he didn't appreciate. Like this one.
"Minseok, it's supposed to be cold because the ghost uses the heat as energy," he clarified, plopping down on his bed.
Luhan was pouting at him, so the boy simply rolled his eyes at the stubbornness, "Yeah, that's why people are always frozen."
"Food is human's energy, stupid."
"Whatever," Minseok dismissed him, not in the mood to have another argument about physics and chemistry. He approached the Ghost detector, curious after all. "Are we going to use it tonight?"
"Uhm..."
"What?"
When he turned to Luhan, he was gulping, his stare wandering around the room in order not to make contact with Minseok's eyes.
"You know, Sehun has invited me to his party and..."
Minseok held all his feelings back. Sehun was a classmate of theirs and he got on well with Luhan, just like everyone else. Of course, Sehun was aware that Luhan and Minseok were inseparable. He hadn't invited Minseok on purpose, since neither him nor his friends valued him very much.
"You're going," Minseok announced.
It wasn't a question, thus Luhan didn't even confirm it. His eyes landed on the stoic Minseok, but he was unable to read his thoughts. His friend was gazing down at the machine, fingers brushing against the lens as if they weren't having this conversation.
"You can come with me, I don't think any of the guys mind..." Luhan trailed off, a hint of guilt slipping in his tone.
Minseok's response was solid and rather cold. "I don't have any intention of hanging off your arms like a leech."
"I want you to come, Minseok."
Both of them were conscious of the begging tone. Luhan always preferred to have Minseok by his side, so it wasn't surprising he was disposed to implore for him. However, it was much more of an effort for Minseok. He wasn't welcomed by the other guys, and the fact that Luhan had accepted the invitation without telling him first... All of sudden, he felt pushed away from Luhan's life.
Straight back, strained voice, Minseok spoke whilst evading Luhan's stare, "I think I should go home, my mother needs me to help her."
"Please, don't-"
Nonetheless, he didn't wait for Luhan to finish his plea, turning around and closing the door behind him. He wasn't ready to accept the offer, nor to share his friend. He didn't know those boys, but he knew Luhan.
Minseok celebrated nothing that year.
By the time Halloween 2005 arrived, Xiumin and Luhan had blossomed due to the puberty. Although Luhan had kept his blonde hair, he had changed almost everything else. He was a head taller than Minseok and much thinner, twinkling eyes and a permanent smile across his face. Meanwhile, Minseok had developed a stern attitude, frowning upon everything and everyone except Luhan's nonsense. They were like day and night, Luhan and Minseok; the talkative, handsome teenager and the shy boy who couldn't look people in the eye.
"This is my party, so you have to go," Luhan reasoned on that afternoon.
They were confined in Luhan's bedroom, Minseok sitting on the bed as he watched his friend's transformation. Until then, Luhan had only applied the base of the zombie make-up, but he already looked great. Great in terms of a horror freak like Minseok, of course.
"Parties are useless, stupid and a waste of time," he argued back, staring at Luhan's face through the mirror. The blonde sent him a skeptical glance before leaning in to put grey lipstick on. Minseok fixed his attention on his shoes. "Why can't we go back to the haunted house?"
"Because," Luhan began, turning around with a brief pissed grimace, "doing that at our age makes us weirdos."
There was a playful smile on his lips, a raised brow that suggested he was joking with Minseok. Still, the other scowled at the statement. Perhaps because Luhan had always fit everywhere, despite his dark likings, so he had been free of any judgement Minseok had had to go through.
"I'm a weirdo," Minseok reminded him, blank facade.
Dismissing the seriousness the boy talked with, Luhan laughed out loud at the reply. He went back to his make-up, picking up a bloody red pencil from the desk.
And although he wasn't facing Minseok anymore, the words were steady and clear, "You're perfect."
He and Luhan made the best zombies ever, except when Luhan would randomly take his hand if someone dared to speak to Minseok. Zombies didn't hold hands, but they didn't talk or laugh either, for that matter. Both of them were conscious of the reason behind the act: Luhan trying to calm Minseok's anxiety for being surrounded by people.
Sometimes, Minseok was amazed the boy could read him so well, so accurately. They had never discussed what was wrong with Minseok, if there was something, yet Luhan tended to pretend everything was fine.
However, it was hard to stick together all night, and at some point Minseok found himself standing alone, gaze centered on his drink trying not to make eye contact with anyone.
Sehun was the first guy who advanced towards him with a vampire costume that made him flinch at the closeness. He was a lot taller than him, intimidating eyes, broad shoulders and a permanent gesture of disdain on his lips. A disdain that only Minseok knew, because it emerged specially for him.
"How great, you've come to the party!" The sarcasm slipped from his mouth like venom, glass crashing against glass in a fake toast.
Automatically, Minseok searched for his friend, a savior that was oblivious at his current predicament. He was chatting with Chanyeol in a circle of guests, too distracted to notice Sehun cornering him, and what could Minseok do? Scream across a room full of people?
"Not answering?" Sehun spat at him, tilting his head to look at Minseok's orbs. The other stepped back, escaping from the hateful stare he was receiving. "You're ruining Luhan's fun, don't you realize? He's killing his night to stay next to you."
Minseok wasn't in the position to deny it. Somehow, he was afraid of ruining not only Luhan's night, but also his whole adolescence. Luhan deserved better -he was caring and sweet, and worried for him as if he was part of his family. Yet Minseok couldn't give anything in return, simply because he had nothing to offer. The only thing he was able to do was monopolize him, stealing moments he should experience in his teenage days, being selfish.
He decided to respond to Sehun, for the guy looked pissed at the silence. Though he tried to have a normal tone, he said in a weak, irregular voice, "It's not my fault you like him."
Right away, he knew it wasn't okay to tell Sehun that his crush was pretty noticeable. He didn't mean it to sound like that, but Sehun interpreted he was picking a fight.
Sehun's gaze tore him apart. "I don't get why, just why, he's wasting his time with someone like you."
Minseok stumbled back, not wanting to hear whatever Sehun was going to say. But within a second Sehun had trapped his wrist in a tight grip, and Minseok focused on not screaming. "Boring, ugly, fat. Are you even smart?"
"Shut up."
Sehun's hand was cold against his skin, eyes full of the deepest rancor Minseok had ever seen. His fingers didn't allow the blood to circulate through his wrist, so Minseok tried to shake them off. However, Sehun pulled him closer, making it impossible for him to avoid those black pupils.
"I like Luhan, but what about you? Just the thought makes me want to vomit." The smile on Sehun's lips wasn't sincere. It was full of bitterness, as if those words were borrowed from another person. "If he knew, he would leave you."
Sehun wasn't referring to the feelings he had for Luhan, Minseok noted. He was talking about Minseok's condition, and also his own condition: Sehun didn't even suspect that Luhan could like boys. In such a conservative town, how many possibilities were there? Perhaps it was obvious in Minseok's case, he wasn't sure, but nobody would accuse Luhan.
Sehun didn't know Luhan had kissed him when they were eleven. Sehun didn't know that Minseok had missed those lips since the last time.
"I'm n-not-" Minseok attempted, a lie that was cut inside his throat as soon as Sehun realized what he was going to say.
The boy released him, and for a moment, he felt safe again. But then Sehun shoved him, open palms against his chest, and the balance he had faded away. He lurched backwards, the room spinning around him, and crashed against the table that was behind him. The strength of the collision flipped the table, drinks and food flying out and being scattered around, and Minseok landed on his butt.
The room was in a complete silence when Luhan approached them, wide eyes at the mess. A red liquid slipped from Minseok's forehead, the ruined Halloween themed cake on his hair.
"I think your friend has been drinking," Sehun hurried to explain. He had an amused glint on his face, and he pressed his index finger and thumb together. "A bit."
"Seriously?" Luhan laughed, his gaze falling on Minseok. He didn't seem angry at the events, but it might be thanks to the fact that Sehun was smiling at him, any tension disappeared. "I wasn't expecting this from you."
Luhan extended a hand to help him to get up, but he batted it away. The jeer in Luhan's voice was hurtful, yet it was worse that Sehun could lie so easily and Luhan didn't question him.
"I didn't!" He yelled, beyond mad. He didn't realize, at that moment, that it was the first time he had shouted in years. "He's lying."
Luhan had frozen in his position, his mouth open at the rejection from Minseok. His shock was the consequence of various things: the watery eyes, the itching of the slap he had received, the loud yell of his friend, and overall, how he could sense waves of rage through his pupils. Probably, it was unexpected for everyone to get a reaction from Minseok, and on top of that, one that was pure fury.
Sehun grimaced at the retort, shaking his head in denial as Luhan glanced at him.
"Why would you fall like a hippopotamus, then?"
Minseok felt like crying, choked words. "You pushed me!"
"What's your problem? Of course I didn’t."
The thought that it had been a mistake to bring Minseok crossed Luhan's mind. He shouldn't have. The guy wasn't used to interacting with others, nor to witnessing how Luhan did it. Maybe Minseok was a bit jealous, but Sehun didn't have to pay for that.
His intentions were noble, though Luhan didn't express himself in the best way. "Minseok, don't make up lies, it's not a big deal."
Once more, he was offering his hand, and again, Minseok pushed it out of his way, an incredulous gasp emerging between his lips. "No!"
Minseok couldn't believe his friend had stood on Sehun's side right away. He understood Sehun may hate him, because after all he and Luhan were attached to the hip. What he didn't comprehend was the cruelty, the need of humiliating him just because of that.
"Why are you like this?" Sehun complained, staring down at him. To the rest of the guests, he seemed to be troubled by Minseok's behaviour, but he knew better -a light twitch of his lips, retaining a smile, gave him away. "You're acting like a spoiled bitch."
"Sehun, dude..." Luhan began, a reproving tone.
However, he patted the guy on the back, as to say he should be more soft with Minseok. And that was the final hit the other zombie boy needed to act.
"Fuck you," Minseok spat at him, without thinking twice. He got up, hands and toes slipping because of the cake, and strolled towards the two standing boys. "Fuck you because you're just a coward."
Out of the corner of his eyes, he detected Luhan gawking at him. He had an unusual, powerful urge to confront Luhan about this as well, but his knees were trembling, his heart was beating against his ribcage and... he just didn't have the courage to stare at those big, surprised eyes.
Instead, he passed by the couple, wishing to get out of this party as soon as possible. The realization started to reach him when he stepped out of the house. He had insulted Sehun in front of a crowd -probably the first words they had heard from him-, he was covered in cake and there was an unknown sensation planted in his chest.
"Minseok!"
He didn't turn around. Luhan's voice was the only clear thing on the street, followed by his airy steps. He was running to Minseok, but the other one preferred to be alone by now. Not with someone who considered him a charity case, a doll to take care of, an attention whore who would sprawl cake all over his head to be noticed.
"Go away!" Minseok screeched when Luhan's hand settled on his shoulder. "This is not worth it."
He was conscious of the various meanings his words had, but didn't do anything to stop them. Whether Luhan had grasped the worst meaning of all of them or not, he halted on his way, letting Minseok continue forward.
"Nobody's enough for you, right, Minseok?" he exclaimed just when his friend had advanced a little. He froze in his tracks, too, realizing that yes -Luhan had thought he didn't find their friendship worth the effort. "Why would you befriend a bunch of guys if you were a rich kid before? Why would you lower your fucking high class level to be nice to some poor boys?"
Minseok's mouth dried. How long had Luhan held it back? How long had he considered Minseok such a jerk?
He had been too young when he first moved into this town. He really didn't remember how was his life before, only Jongdae did. He had grown without prejudices about money, except for some comments his mother made about Luhan and his family. It wasn't fair, in his opinion. His father had ruined the comfortable life he could have had, but now he was an equal to Luhan. They had the same type of house, they attended the same school, they had the same opportunities ahead.
Apparently, Luhan didn't agree with him.
"He was laughing at me!" Minseok growled back, the fury striking across his features.
Once he had turned around, Luhan didn't walk closer.
"That's how boys are, fuck! They joke with each other, they make fun of each other," he retorted. There was a huge load of resentment in his eyes, as if asking Minseok why he couldn't be normal, why he didn't make things a bit easier for both of them. "You're supposed to flow with it!"
"You don't joke with people whom you don't get on well with!" screamed Minseok back.
He didn't want this, he didn't want to argue with Luhan and shout at each other things they didn't actually think. But the box of reproach had been opened, and the damage was already done. Luhan had borne with his conduct because of reasons that Minseok was oblivious of, yet they were gone now.
Everything was gone now.
"You should go to the north of the town. Surely there will be someone decent for you there!"
It took several seconds for Luhan to take in the importance of his own words. He had lost the patience, maybe because he was desperate, a lack of skills to console Minseok at this moment.
It would have been so easy. He could have apologized, hugged Minseok and asked him to forget what had just happened. Right then, before Minseok cried or agreed with his idea, before he said something worse and there was no solution to the fight.
His pride didn't let him.
"You've changed so much," whispered Minseok, closing his eyes. It was better this way, since he didn't perceive the wrath on Luhan's eyes like a reflection of his own state. "I'm talking with a pathetic copy of Luhan."
The blonde teenager balled his hands, aware that perhaps Minseok was right. Another part of him doubted it, because he wasn't the abnormal one, he wasn't who had problems opening his heart to people. "I'm not the same just because I'm not a kid anymore? People grow up, and you should too, Minseok."
His friend became speechless at the reply. The two meters of distance suddenly felt like they weren't enough; he had to run away from Luhan, from his truths, from all the power he had over him. It was scary how the most insignificant sentence made him crumble.
He attempted to conceal his sobs by spinning around to walk home, but Luhan had already noticed it. The chase began and ended at the entrance of Minseok's house, where he finally had to face Luhan as he pushed the key into the lock.
"I'm sorry, Minseok," Luhan lamented.
And for the first time, he spotted the tears on Luhan's cheeks. However, he didn't have any intent to discuss this further, nor to listen to apologies.
Fingers brushed against Minseok's skin, a jolt of electricity shaking Luhan's body. He gazed at Minseok, at his tears, at the smeared make-up Luhan had put on him with all his adoration, and his heart clenched at the sight.
"It feels like you're flying, while I don't even have wings," murmured Minseok, his hand tracing the last inch of Luhan's before withdrawing.
Clenched jaw, he grasped the door and closed it violently in front of Luhan's face.
Much to Luhan's disgrace, Minseok met a guy from the north during Christmas holidays. Luhan's attack had turned into an augury, and a part of him thought it was just natural, since Minseok had always been a piece that seemed out of place in his puzzle. They were too different, they knew each other too well.
Luhan didn't quite understand how that sudden friendship was possible, though, but he couldn't ask Minseok since they weren't on speaking terms. The new boy was Baekhyun, a student from the other school of the town, known among the teenagers for being one of a kind. He was a sweet talker with a big circle of people disposed to give everything for him, yet he was also rare, as his humor usually turned to the darkest places. One could say he was bright in conversations, but sinister in action.
Thinking twice, Luhan did comprehend why Minseok would find him interesting, but it didn't mean he liked it. Baekhyun wasn't at fault of their fight, yet Luhan despised him. First, because he was a rich, inconsiderate brat who always got away with his shit; second, because he and his friends were extreme elitists; and third, because he could sense Baekhyun had put the spotlight on Minseok, who was easy to manipulate if he received the right affection beforehand.
For once, Luhan was the one to suppose Minseok didn't need him in his life anymore, so he witnessed the development of his relationship with Baekhyun from afar.
Baekhyun visited Minseok from time to time, always looking like he had been pulled out from a magazine. Luhan spied him through the window as he fixed his hair, checked himself on the phone and put lip balm before ringing Minseok's bell. His intentions were clear, and Luhan suspected Minseok was aware of them, for he smiled at Baekhyun everytime he appeared at his door. Minseok grinned at his new friend with a distinctive light on his eyes, shattering Luhan's heart in the process, but he couldn't stop watching.
He saw everything from his bedroom, even if it was a little extract of their relationship. The first meetings, the first kiss they shared at the doorway, the first time Baekhyun spent the night over, the first time Baekhyun succeeded in getting Minseok out of his house at night.
Painfully and slowly for Luhan, the Halloween of 2006 came around, and the blonde decided to celebrate a party for the second year in a row. Halloween meant Minseok, but Luhan didn't have him anymore. It was a thought he couldn't bear with, an inward emptiness that drew him to a state of grief.
What he did that day was stupid, but he did it anyway: he approached Minseok during Math's break, sitting next to him in the last row. He perceived how his old friend tensed up, aware of his presence, yet he kept the silence.
It didn't feel too different, at first. Minseok smelled like the same fabric softener, or Luhan thought so as he observed his profile. It didn't matter that Minseok was deliberately ignoring him, nor that he was clearly troubled by the approach, because Luhan missed him. He missed him so much, so bad.
"I'm hosting a party tonight," Luhan breathed out, and to his surprise, his voice came out shaky. He wished the other hadn't noticed it. "I would like you to come."
It was that exact moment, those exact words which caught Minseok's interest. His gaze flicked from the table to Luhan's face, fast and steady, and the strength of the eye contact made Luhan shiver.
He noticed the slight change on Minseok's eyes right away. He hadn't seen it during the past year, probably because he hadn't been this close. There was something sharper, an aggressiveness that resembled an attempt at protection. Luhan wondered whether, now that Minseok didn't have him to defend him, he was using this as his shield. Did this mean Baekhyun wasn't his protector, that Minseok could take care of himself? That Minseok had chosen him willingly, regardless not needing a savior?
"I can't."
His lips moved, but Luhan pushed the meaning of his words away. Even then, he could read the hurtful truth in Minseok's tone: he could, it was just that he didn't want to.
Luhan swallowed, a huge lump stuck in his throat. Although he was seated, his body went completely weak, as though he was going to pass out right then. "You can bring your boyfriend."
"I can't, Luhan," repeated Minseok. He barely squinted at him, brief confusion going through his features, and his old friend understood what the reason was: Luhan's conduct was more than strange. Why would he invite him after months of ignoring him? He had his own friends, Sehun, Suho, Chanyeol... and Minseok belonged to other group. "We already have plans."
The teacher entered the classroom, and Luhan found himself overwhelmed by anxiety. The rejection was heavier with each second, because he had to go back to his seat and close the talk with Minseok. It had been a failure, and worse, the confirmation that they were nothing after all.
"Please, come," he begged, regretting how lame his behaviour was. There he was again, pleading to Minseok, with the difference that this one wasn't the sweet, shy Minseok he used to know; this one was rougher and wouldn't have had any problem breaking his heart. "At least for fifteen minutes, it's enough. Minseok, I..."
The teacher called his name, not allowing the habitual apology to come out. Minseok's eyes just became a bit more intense.
He's here.
That was the only thought that flooded Luhan's mind. It was already midnight and the party had started two hours ago, by which time he had lost any hope of Minseok appearing. Sehun had been the whole time by his side, so he noticed Luhan had his head in the clouds and of course, asked about it. Everything was explained when Sehun spotted the new guests, for Luhan seemed relieved out of the blue.
Maybe Minseok did attend his party, yet the situation wasn't that likeable. After him, Baekhyun and two strangers stepped in. For some reason, Luhan got mad at him. It was true he had told him he could bring Baekhyun along, but Minseok should have read the mood.
As the host, Luhan hurried to greet them. It felt like a little vengeance when, during the handshake, he pressed more than necessary the guy's slender fingers. Baekhyun responded to the challenge, although his mouth was smiling and his tongue spoke polite words. The small victory laid on the fact that Baekhyun knew about him already, thus at some point Minseok had worried enough about Luhan to share him with his boyfriend.
"Your costumes are great," Luhan complimented them, after the other two boys,Taehyung and Hoseok, had introduced themselves.
The blonde, in his skeleton disguise, didn't want to think about it too much, but Minseok looked, was different. It was obvious Baekhyun and him were displaying couple costumes: while Baekhyun was a rotting corpse, Minseok was his undertaker. The shovel, though, was in Baekhyun's hand.
"I thought this was a huge party," Baekhyun commented as he passed by Luhan's side. He took Minseok's wrist, softly pulling him. He was talking to his partner, but it was clear that he wanted Luhan to hear it. "Not a bunch of geeks without enough money to buy a proper Halloween decorations."
Luhan's blood shot through his body, the pulse of his heart blocking his ears. He searched for Minseok, for a sign of disapproval or disappointment on his boyfriend, but he didn't find it. Instead, Baekhyun sent him a malicious glimpse, as to call him to start a fight.
He pondered it; he had dreamt of smashing Baekhyun's face since the first day, out of envy and frustration, and suddenly he was there, tempting him as if he was aware of Luhan's inner wishes.
However, Minseok's eyes were on both of them. Though he may have not been the same oblivious boy, he still didn't have the skill to pick up with certain circumstances: he didn't catch the wicked intentions of Baekhyun, because Baekhyun was perfect to him.
Baekhyun and his company fused into the crowd of people, so Luhan breathed in again. A hand landed on his shoulder and he turned to see Sehun, who had his nose scrunched in distrust.
"I'll keep an eye on them," he muttered, sighing when Luhan gave him a questioning glance. "This is strange, because the rich boys usually have a crazy party for themselves."
As true as the statement was, Luhan didn't dig into it. It was his fault Baekhyun was at his party, because he had invited him without realizing that even if Minseok had attended it, Luhan wouldn't obtain what he really yearned for.
From that moment on, his attention was on Minseok, dark clothes and feisty eyes that magnetized Luhan. Which meant he also had to deal with the excessive affection from Baekhyun, an exhibition of intimacy between the couple. Although it pained him to admit it, Minseok seemed to be happy.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed when Baekhyun and Minseok finally split up, but it was the cause of his relief. Luhan didn't hesitate, just took the chance and went near Minseok, who merely spared him a cold glance.
"He's not a good person," he blurted out, supporting his hips against the table.
Unexpectedly, the other boy took offense.
"What would you know?" His voice was accusing and hostile, and when Luhan stared at him, he discovered Minseok's eyes were glued to Sehun's figure across the room. "Who are you to judge when your company is horrible?"
Although Luhan didn't plan to argue, he felt the obligation to stand up for Sehun. "There's nothing wrong with him."
At last, and after a whole night of avoiding his eyes, Minseok gazed up at him. He was still a bit shorter than him, so he did it through his eyelashes. Even like that, emotionless and rough, Luhan thought he was strikingly beautiful.
"We differ, Luhan," he murmured softly. There was a provocative insinuation in his look, a contrast that dissolved when the next words arose. "That's why we aren't friends anymore."
It shot him right in the guts. Minseok's honesty hadn't changed, yet that was the only thing that remained of him.
Luhan was mad, because Minseok was too different, too grown up, and he had no ideahow maintain his self-control. Minseok was all deep, sensual eyes, tempting pupils that dilated while staring, lips that stretched with an indecent hint. He ignited a carnal sense within Luhan, and Luhan hated it. He had never been so far from having Minseok, never so impatient for taking him.
"He has brainwashed you," Luhan said out of frustration, trying not to fall for Minseok's charms. He had to look away, though, and Minseok didn't miss it.
It was unpredicted: Minseok caressed the outer part of his arm, brushing the skeleton costume as though he was inspecting it. Luhan shivered at the contact. It was electric, blazing and it filled his lungs with smoke.
"I can understand why you would think that," granted Minseok, although the trail of tenderness was long gone. "It feels bad having lost your power, doesn't it? It feels bad when the other person is able to make his own decisions and doesn't need your support anymore, right?"
"This is not a competition."
"It's not." Minseok tilted his head to one side, half closing his eyelids. "But I love Baekhyun, and you can't change that."
His throat was dry. That was the final stroke he required to collapse, and it had come raw and clean. He would have preferred not to understand love, wondered what it was like, because that would have freed him from accepting Minseok's love towards Baekhyun. But Luhan knew love too well. He felt and lamented it and he was suffering because of it.
Luhan didn't intend to ask, but the words flew out from his mouth. "And you don't love me?"
The blonde barely flinched when the lights went off. There was a round of exclamations and then the music stopped, but his question was still in the air, and suddenly it had fallen into the darkness and the panic, hauling Luhan along.
A hand came to caress his cheek, firm fingers that cast a chill down his spine. They smelled like Minseok the child, but the scent was mixed with make-up and perfume.
"You're so selfish, Luhan," Minseok simply responded in a mutter. "I'm sorry. I tried to stop them. But I guess you actually deserve it."
Just seconds later, Luhan understood the meaning of his words. Minseok faded away while they were in the darkness, so when lights came back, Luhan only could focus on how stupid he had been.
During the conversation, Baekhyun had let a dozen other rich boys enter through the back door. They had just attended the party to crash it, almost as a warning for how out of place Luhan had been to invite Minseok: smashed pumpkins and broken glasses, permanent stains on the carpet, his text books had been stolen, firecrackers inside the house that left burns on the furniture and the floor.
Everything and everyone were determined to convince Luhan that Minseok didn't belong to him anymore.
Part 2
Genre: romance, angst, slice of life.
Rating: PG-15
Length: 14,154 words
Warnings: mentions of sex and drug use.
Summary: From 1998 to 2012, Luhan and Minseok have a lot of time to fall in and out of love.
A/N: Again thanks to shinealightrose for beta'ing! (I know I'm tiresome lol)
The first time Luhan ever saw him was on Halloween, 1998.
Sitting on the grass of his front yard, he didn't understood why there were two boys in the house next door. It had been empty for years, and by living in a small town, everyone knew which houses were occupied and which weren't.
"Your costume is poor," an eight-year-old Luhan opined, grinning. "But that's okay, because it's dark and no one except me has noticed."
The observation was obnoxious, but Luhan was too. When he had approached the pair of boys standing in the yard, he hadn't been expecting what his eyes were going to fall on.
One of the boys was a slight taller, and was wearing a mask of Friday the 13th's Jason that made Luhan a bit uneasy, because even if he was a fan of horror, his hatred for that movie was beyond descriptions. However, the other boy's costume was the reason why he had talked to them in the first place. It was clearly a blanket with two holes for the eyes and that was all, yet it was enough to wake the perfectionist side of Luhan.
Right then, Luhan was utterly proud of having disguised himself as a ghost hunter. There hadn't been any victims during the day to attack, but the chance he had been waiting for was in front of him.
"One, who are you?" The boy with the mask spat at him in an aggressive tone. "Two, if you talk to my brother like that again, I'm going to kick your ass."
It wasn't everyday a big boy threatened him, so Luhan's instinct sent a warning for him to go away. He stepped back as quickly as he was able to, but by making the first step towards his shelter, he entangled himself with the ghost hunter machine -or to be precise, a small vacuum cleaner. The landing on the ground was hard and dramatic, and soon had him howling in pain.
The strangers stared at him throughout a long, distressing silence as Luhan glanced back, sprawled on the ground with his ghost hunter machine two meters away from him.
The ghost peeked from behind his brother's back, hands fisted in insecurity. His eyes traveled over Luhan's figure as though he hadn't examined him before, somehow with a troubling gaze. He had a fierce stare, only accentuated by the cat-like shape of his eyelids, and Luhan responded at the eye contact in awe.
"He isn't wearing a Halloween costume, hyung," the ghost sentenced at last in a thin, sweet voice.
Luhan gaped at him, offended. All of sudden, he forgot about the pain on his knees and elbows, for he got too angry at the insult -and maybe, also a bit dramatic.
"This is my costume!" He exclaimed, pointing at his own clothes.
The ghost scratched his head through the blanket that covered him, "Halloween costumes have to be scary."
Jason laughed mockingly, but Luhan frowned. Perhaps a normal person shouldn't have been afraid of Luhan The Ghosthunter, yet a ghost definitely should be. As Jason was still making fun of him with his loud laugh, he took his brother's hand and dragged him past Luhan, who simply gazed at them in misery.
But then the two strangers started gaining some distance from Luhan, and the boy felt the abrupt urge to follow them. He couldn't point out why, but he didn't want to end the conversation there -he had lost against two boys with lame costumes. Groaning, he got up and bounced after the pair in his now scratched uniform and with the machine ready in hand.
The other boys perceived his presence almost instantly, both of them turning around as if demanding an explanation. Again, it was Jason who spoke. "Why are you following us?"
Luhan halted his steps, alarmed, and blinked very slowly.
"I'm alone."
Although he couldn't see the ghost's face, he almost detected the annoyment perspiring through the thin white material.
Jason sighed, "Come then. I guess you match Minseok's costume well."
Luhan happily hopped towards them, unaware of how much that would change his life path.
He learned a lot about Minseok during that year. The kid was new in town, a child from a family that used to manage a huge fortune in the past. Luhan had heard his parents comment that Minseok's father had a problem with gambling, although he had no idea of what that meant. But, apparently, it was the reason Minseok's family had ended moving into the modest town. Luhan wondered if it was also the cause of the permanent trail of sorrow on Minseok's face.
Minseok didn't talk much, yet his older brother did for him. The masked Jason was a real boy, much to Luhan's surprise, whose name was Jongdae. Minseok was always by his side, acting like a second shadow, and Luhan joined them out of curiosity.
Luhan's mother disapproved it, and at some point Luhan realized she wasn’t the only one. She always said those kids looked down on him, but in his opinion, Minseok barely glanced at him anyways.
On Halloween, 1999, after hours of pleading with the other boy, Luhan dressed as a ghost and Minseok as a ghost hunter. Jongdae, traditional, put his Jason mask on and walked them around the town.
It took Luhan two years to realize Minseok's father didn't live with them. It happened, too, that Minseok didn't invite him over his house until two years later, so he hadn't had a way to know. It was the first time he shared time with Minseok alone, and he was dead nervous. The boy was so silent and his eyes were so fierce that Luhan felt disconcerted all the time, his heart thumping against his ribcage.
It was Halloween, 2000, and Minseok revealed that he loved stories about haunted houses. His ten-year-old voice sounded shy and weak, as if it was something he was embarrassed about.
"Do you want me to tell you one?" Luhan asked him, a wide smile on his face. "I know a lot of ghost stories."
Minseok nodded, and while his face didn't show any emotion, his insides twisted in anticipation.
Minseok let go of Jongdae a bit the next year, but the attempt of independence was a false alarm. Even though he tried to make some friends at school, he never succeeded. He could build a small conversation with any classmate, and then out of the blue he needed to crawl toward Luhan. He settled himself in silence next to him, and Luhan spared him a loving stare that calmed his anxiety down. Minseok didn't know those kids, but he knew Luhan.
Luhan was always excessively energetic, but the quiet Minseok didn't seem bothered by it. He talked all the time and Minseok listened, and that was the mechanic of their relationship.
On Halloween, 2001, Minseok smiled at Luhan for the first time.
Luhan realized his sack was a lot fuller of sweets than Minseok's, and he had scowled at it. Too theatrical. It wasn't everyday that something annoyed Luhan, so the gesture of his eyebrows united in a line was completely strange to Minseok. He would have described it as quite comical, which made him laugh within at his friend. His inner laugh transformed into a smile in the exterior, and when Luhan diverted his attention from the sacks, he saw it. He was shocked enough to gawk like a fool at the cute grin in front of him.
Minseok's teeth were very small, just another childish trait that made Minseok look delicate, and his defined lips curled unevenly. White teeth and pink lips were all Luhan could process at that moment. He lost a few seconds until he recovered from his amazement. But then he closed his mouth and leaned in, stealing a hasty kiss from Minseok.
It didn’t matter that his friend became serious again, because it was too late; he had already sealed that unique smile forever.
They were only eleven at the time, and too naive to realize that boys usually didn't kiss each other. However, there was an inner feeling of secrecy in both of them, for neither discussed the kiss anymore. They didn't talk about it either after Luhan repeated the action a couple of afternoons later, and Minseok didn't stop him. His lips were soft and nice, and when Luhan was kissing him, Minseok forgot about the hole in his soul.
It wasn't just his lips. It was the way Luhan smiled at him after kissing him, and sometimes it was the previous sweet stroke of Luhan's hand against his cheek.
As time passed, Minseok decided to tell Jongdae. His brother closed his eyes at the news, sighing, and then patted him on the back.
"Just don't tell mom," Jongdae just pleaded.
Anyway, Minseok wouldn't have. His brother's words were the confirmation that, whatever the reason they craved each other's affection was, it wasn't okay.
The next time Luhan attempted to taste his lips, Minseok put a hand on his chest in order to avoid it, muttering, "Not anymore."
Despite the rejection, they never grew apart. Even though Luhan was an extrovert and clicked well with everyone, he didn't ignore Minseok. Indeed, it depended on him to remain in regular contact with his friend; Minseok was always at home, too insecure to call him to hang out. He had the stupid idea that Luhan could be irritated at having to spend his precious time with him, and he never got rid of the doubts. It was exhausting for Luhan too, regardless of how much he cherished Minseok. Especially when Sehun, Suho and Chanyeol were always asking him to go out with them but Minseok didn't want to.
In the meantime, both Luhan and Minseok developed their obsession for dark themes. The silent boy was always on the hunt for haunted houses in the zone, reading myths about them and drawing maps to visit them during the night. On the other hand, Luhan created which he would call Ghost detectors, even if Minseok scoffed at his misery when they didn't work. He had his own theories about how a ghostly entity would behave in the material world, and no one could convince him to think any different.
The next two Halloweens were different, because they weren’t kids trick or treating around the town. Both of them sneaked into an abandoned house and returned when their parents started to pester them on the phone. They had fun, though, and Luhan would always remember those nights because at least one of his ghost detectors had jingled in the darkness.
Halloween, 2004.
Luhan was way more excited than usual. Minseok could tell because the now blonde boy had appeared in front of his house without calling beforehand. He hadn't accepted any excuse for him not to see whatever he had prepared, and five minutes later Minseok had been dragged to Luhan's room between complaints from himself and laughs from his friend.
What Luhan yearned for showing him was one of his machines. This time the object was a small box with a huge lens in the middle and an obsolete antenna on top. Minseok figured that the parts were, as usual, taken from trash bins. Luhan's family had no money to pay for their son's passion, so the boy had gotten used to save the belongings of other people.
"It's a ghost detector!" Luhan exclaimed, with a huge grin painting his face. "It's sensitive both to movement and temperature, and this antenna sometimes catches electromagnetic waves. It also has an integrated video camera, with x-rays and all that."
Minseok analyzed the object from afar, trying not to be influenced by Luhan's enthusiasm. If Luhan had cast his spell on him, he wouldn't have been able to give his true opinion.
"What do you think?" Luhan insisted, impatient.
His friend released a deep breath. "Honestly? Too cliche. It will probably shoot up with the movement of a fly. And I have told you a million times, you don't have proof that the drop of temperature is a sign of a ghost. Indeed, it doesn't make much sense. If a ghost is energy, it should emit heat."
No one in the world had the privilege of hearing so many words emerging from Minseok's mouth. It was the result of a lot of effort from Luhan, of a lot of days in which he had been the one talking for hours. Until Minseok began to talk back. However, he had realized that Minseok never lied, no matter what the situation was, and from time to time Luhan had to listen to things he didn't appreciate. Like this one.
"Minseok, it's supposed to be cold because the ghost uses the heat as energy," he clarified, plopping down on his bed.
Luhan was pouting at him, so the boy simply rolled his eyes at the stubbornness, "Yeah, that's why people are always frozen."
"Food is human's energy, stupid."
"Whatever," Minseok dismissed him, not in the mood to have another argument about physics and chemistry. He approached the Ghost detector, curious after all. "Are we going to use it tonight?"
"Uhm..."
"What?"
When he turned to Luhan, he was gulping, his stare wandering around the room in order not to make contact with Minseok's eyes.
"You know, Sehun has invited me to his party and..."
Minseok held all his feelings back. Sehun was a classmate of theirs and he got on well with Luhan, just like everyone else. Of course, Sehun was aware that Luhan and Minseok were inseparable. He hadn't invited Minseok on purpose, since neither him nor his friends valued him very much.
"You're going," Minseok announced.
It wasn't a question, thus Luhan didn't even confirm it. His eyes landed on the stoic Minseok, but he was unable to read his thoughts. His friend was gazing down at the machine, fingers brushing against the lens as if they weren't having this conversation.
"You can come with me, I don't think any of the guys mind..." Luhan trailed off, a hint of guilt slipping in his tone.
Minseok's response was solid and rather cold. "I don't have any intention of hanging off your arms like a leech."
"I want you to come, Minseok."
Both of them were conscious of the begging tone. Luhan always preferred to have Minseok by his side, so it wasn't surprising he was disposed to implore for him. However, it was much more of an effort for Minseok. He wasn't welcomed by the other guys, and the fact that Luhan had accepted the invitation without telling him first... All of sudden, he felt pushed away from Luhan's life.
Straight back, strained voice, Minseok spoke whilst evading Luhan's stare, "I think I should go home, my mother needs me to help her."
"Please, don't-"
Nonetheless, he didn't wait for Luhan to finish his plea, turning around and closing the door behind him. He wasn't ready to accept the offer, nor to share his friend. He didn't know those boys, but he knew Luhan.
Minseok celebrated nothing that year.
By the time Halloween 2005 arrived, Xiumin and Luhan had blossomed due to the puberty. Although Luhan had kept his blonde hair, he had changed almost everything else. He was a head taller than Minseok and much thinner, twinkling eyes and a permanent smile across his face. Meanwhile, Minseok had developed a stern attitude, frowning upon everything and everyone except Luhan's nonsense. They were like day and night, Luhan and Minseok; the talkative, handsome teenager and the shy boy who couldn't look people in the eye.
"This is my party, so you have to go," Luhan reasoned on that afternoon.
They were confined in Luhan's bedroom, Minseok sitting on the bed as he watched his friend's transformation. Until then, Luhan had only applied the base of the zombie make-up, but he already looked great. Great in terms of a horror freak like Minseok, of course.
"Parties are useless, stupid and a waste of time," he argued back, staring at Luhan's face through the mirror. The blonde sent him a skeptical glance before leaning in to put grey lipstick on. Minseok fixed his attention on his shoes. "Why can't we go back to the haunted house?"
"Because," Luhan began, turning around with a brief pissed grimace, "doing that at our age makes us weirdos."
There was a playful smile on his lips, a raised brow that suggested he was joking with Minseok. Still, the other scowled at the statement. Perhaps because Luhan had always fit everywhere, despite his dark likings, so he had been free of any judgement Minseok had had to go through.
"I'm a weirdo," Minseok reminded him, blank facade.
Dismissing the seriousness the boy talked with, Luhan laughed out loud at the reply. He went back to his make-up, picking up a bloody red pencil from the desk.
And although he wasn't facing Minseok anymore, the words were steady and clear, "You're perfect."
He and Luhan made the best zombies ever, except when Luhan would randomly take his hand if someone dared to speak to Minseok. Zombies didn't hold hands, but they didn't talk or laugh either, for that matter. Both of them were conscious of the reason behind the act: Luhan trying to calm Minseok's anxiety for being surrounded by people.
Sometimes, Minseok was amazed the boy could read him so well, so accurately. They had never discussed what was wrong with Minseok, if there was something, yet Luhan tended to pretend everything was fine.
However, it was hard to stick together all night, and at some point Minseok found himself standing alone, gaze centered on his drink trying not to make eye contact with anyone.
Sehun was the first guy who advanced towards him with a vampire costume that made him flinch at the closeness. He was a lot taller than him, intimidating eyes, broad shoulders and a permanent gesture of disdain on his lips. A disdain that only Minseok knew, because it emerged specially for him.
"How great, you've come to the party!" The sarcasm slipped from his mouth like venom, glass crashing against glass in a fake toast.
Automatically, Minseok searched for his friend, a savior that was oblivious at his current predicament. He was chatting with Chanyeol in a circle of guests, too distracted to notice Sehun cornering him, and what could Minseok do? Scream across a room full of people?
"Not answering?" Sehun spat at him, tilting his head to look at Minseok's orbs. The other stepped back, escaping from the hateful stare he was receiving. "You're ruining Luhan's fun, don't you realize? He's killing his night to stay next to you."
Minseok wasn't in the position to deny it. Somehow, he was afraid of ruining not only Luhan's night, but also his whole adolescence. Luhan deserved better -he was caring and sweet, and worried for him as if he was part of his family. Yet Minseok couldn't give anything in return, simply because he had nothing to offer. The only thing he was able to do was monopolize him, stealing moments he should experience in his teenage days, being selfish.
He decided to respond to Sehun, for the guy looked pissed at the silence. Though he tried to have a normal tone, he said in a weak, irregular voice, "It's not my fault you like him."
Right away, he knew it wasn't okay to tell Sehun that his crush was pretty noticeable. He didn't mean it to sound like that, but Sehun interpreted he was picking a fight.
Sehun's gaze tore him apart. "I don't get why, just why, he's wasting his time with someone like you."
Minseok stumbled back, not wanting to hear whatever Sehun was going to say. But within a second Sehun had trapped his wrist in a tight grip, and Minseok focused on not screaming. "Boring, ugly, fat. Are you even smart?"
"Shut up."
Sehun's hand was cold against his skin, eyes full of the deepest rancor Minseok had ever seen. His fingers didn't allow the blood to circulate through his wrist, so Minseok tried to shake them off. However, Sehun pulled him closer, making it impossible for him to avoid those black pupils.
"I like Luhan, but what about you? Just the thought makes me want to vomit." The smile on Sehun's lips wasn't sincere. It was full of bitterness, as if those words were borrowed from another person. "If he knew, he would leave you."
Sehun wasn't referring to the feelings he had for Luhan, Minseok noted. He was talking about Minseok's condition, and also his own condition: Sehun didn't even suspect that Luhan could like boys. In such a conservative town, how many possibilities were there? Perhaps it was obvious in Minseok's case, he wasn't sure, but nobody would accuse Luhan.
Sehun didn't know Luhan had kissed him when they were eleven. Sehun didn't know that Minseok had missed those lips since the last time.
"I'm n-not-" Minseok attempted, a lie that was cut inside his throat as soon as Sehun realized what he was going to say.
The boy released him, and for a moment, he felt safe again. But then Sehun shoved him, open palms against his chest, and the balance he had faded away. He lurched backwards, the room spinning around him, and crashed against the table that was behind him. The strength of the collision flipped the table, drinks and food flying out and being scattered around, and Minseok landed on his butt.
The room was in a complete silence when Luhan approached them, wide eyes at the mess. A red liquid slipped from Minseok's forehead, the ruined Halloween themed cake on his hair.
"I think your friend has been drinking," Sehun hurried to explain. He had an amused glint on his face, and he pressed his index finger and thumb together. "A bit."
"Seriously?" Luhan laughed, his gaze falling on Minseok. He didn't seem angry at the events, but it might be thanks to the fact that Sehun was smiling at him, any tension disappeared. "I wasn't expecting this from you."
Luhan extended a hand to help him to get up, but he batted it away. The jeer in Luhan's voice was hurtful, yet it was worse that Sehun could lie so easily and Luhan didn't question him.
"I didn't!" He yelled, beyond mad. He didn't realize, at that moment, that it was the first time he had shouted in years. "He's lying."
Luhan had frozen in his position, his mouth open at the rejection from Minseok. His shock was the consequence of various things: the watery eyes, the itching of the slap he had received, the loud yell of his friend, and overall, how he could sense waves of rage through his pupils. Probably, it was unexpected for everyone to get a reaction from Minseok, and on top of that, one that was pure fury.
Sehun grimaced at the retort, shaking his head in denial as Luhan glanced at him.
"Why would you fall like a hippopotamus, then?"
Minseok felt like crying, choked words. "You pushed me!"
"What's your problem? Of course I didn’t."
The thought that it had been a mistake to bring Minseok crossed Luhan's mind. He shouldn't have. The guy wasn't used to interacting with others, nor to witnessing how Luhan did it. Maybe Minseok was a bit jealous, but Sehun didn't have to pay for that.
His intentions were noble, though Luhan didn't express himself in the best way. "Minseok, don't make up lies, it's not a big deal."
Once more, he was offering his hand, and again, Minseok pushed it out of his way, an incredulous gasp emerging between his lips. "No!"
Minseok couldn't believe his friend had stood on Sehun's side right away. He understood Sehun may hate him, because after all he and Luhan were attached to the hip. What he didn't comprehend was the cruelty, the need of humiliating him just because of that.
"Why are you like this?" Sehun complained, staring down at him. To the rest of the guests, he seemed to be troubled by Minseok's behaviour, but he knew better -a light twitch of his lips, retaining a smile, gave him away. "You're acting like a spoiled bitch."
"Sehun, dude..." Luhan began, a reproving tone.
However, he patted the guy on the back, as to say he should be more soft with Minseok. And that was the final hit the other zombie boy needed to act.
"Fuck you," Minseok spat at him, without thinking twice. He got up, hands and toes slipping because of the cake, and strolled towards the two standing boys. "Fuck you because you're just a coward."
Out of the corner of his eyes, he detected Luhan gawking at him. He had an unusual, powerful urge to confront Luhan about this as well, but his knees were trembling, his heart was beating against his ribcage and... he just didn't have the courage to stare at those big, surprised eyes.
Instead, he passed by the couple, wishing to get out of this party as soon as possible. The realization started to reach him when he stepped out of the house. He had insulted Sehun in front of a crowd -probably the first words they had heard from him-, he was covered in cake and there was an unknown sensation planted in his chest.
"Minseok!"
He didn't turn around. Luhan's voice was the only clear thing on the street, followed by his airy steps. He was running to Minseok, but the other one preferred to be alone by now. Not with someone who considered him a charity case, a doll to take care of, an attention whore who would sprawl cake all over his head to be noticed.
"Go away!" Minseok screeched when Luhan's hand settled on his shoulder. "This is not worth it."
He was conscious of the various meanings his words had, but didn't do anything to stop them. Whether Luhan had grasped the worst meaning of all of them or not, he halted on his way, letting Minseok continue forward.
"Nobody's enough for you, right, Minseok?" he exclaimed just when his friend had advanced a little. He froze in his tracks, too, realizing that yes -Luhan had thought he didn't find their friendship worth the effort. "Why would you befriend a bunch of guys if you were a rich kid before? Why would you lower your fucking high class level to be nice to some poor boys?"
Minseok's mouth dried. How long had Luhan held it back? How long had he considered Minseok such a jerk?
He had been too young when he first moved into this town. He really didn't remember how was his life before, only Jongdae did. He had grown without prejudices about money, except for some comments his mother made about Luhan and his family. It wasn't fair, in his opinion. His father had ruined the comfortable life he could have had, but now he was an equal to Luhan. They had the same type of house, they attended the same school, they had the same opportunities ahead.
Apparently, Luhan didn't agree with him.
"He was laughing at me!" Minseok growled back, the fury striking across his features.
Once he had turned around, Luhan didn't walk closer.
"That's how boys are, fuck! They joke with each other, they make fun of each other," he retorted. There was a huge load of resentment in his eyes, as if asking Minseok why he couldn't be normal, why he didn't make things a bit easier for both of them. "You're supposed to flow with it!"
"You don't joke with people whom you don't get on well with!" screamed Minseok back.
He didn't want this, he didn't want to argue with Luhan and shout at each other things they didn't actually think. But the box of reproach had been opened, and the damage was already done. Luhan had borne with his conduct because of reasons that Minseok was oblivious of, yet they were gone now.
Everything was gone now.
"You should go to the north of the town. Surely there will be someone decent for you there!"
It took several seconds for Luhan to take in the importance of his own words. He had lost the patience, maybe because he was desperate, a lack of skills to console Minseok at this moment.
It would have been so easy. He could have apologized, hugged Minseok and asked him to forget what had just happened. Right then, before Minseok cried or agreed with his idea, before he said something worse and there was no solution to the fight.
His pride didn't let him.
"You've changed so much," whispered Minseok, closing his eyes. It was better this way, since he didn't perceive the wrath on Luhan's eyes like a reflection of his own state. "I'm talking with a pathetic copy of Luhan."
The blonde teenager balled his hands, aware that perhaps Minseok was right. Another part of him doubted it, because he wasn't the abnormal one, he wasn't who had problems opening his heart to people. "I'm not the same just because I'm not a kid anymore? People grow up, and you should too, Minseok."
His friend became speechless at the reply. The two meters of distance suddenly felt like they weren't enough; he had to run away from Luhan, from his truths, from all the power he had over him. It was scary how the most insignificant sentence made him crumble.
He attempted to conceal his sobs by spinning around to walk home, but Luhan had already noticed it. The chase began and ended at the entrance of Minseok's house, where he finally had to face Luhan as he pushed the key into the lock.
"I'm sorry, Minseok," Luhan lamented.
And for the first time, he spotted the tears on Luhan's cheeks. However, he didn't have any intent to discuss this further, nor to listen to apologies.
Fingers brushed against Minseok's skin, a jolt of electricity shaking Luhan's body. He gazed at Minseok, at his tears, at the smeared make-up Luhan had put on him with all his adoration, and his heart clenched at the sight.
"It feels like you're flying, while I don't even have wings," murmured Minseok, his hand tracing the last inch of Luhan's before withdrawing.
Clenched jaw, he grasped the door and closed it violently in front of Luhan's face.
Much to Luhan's disgrace, Minseok met a guy from the north during Christmas holidays. Luhan's attack had turned into an augury, and a part of him thought it was just natural, since Minseok had always been a piece that seemed out of place in his puzzle. They were too different, they knew each other too well.
Luhan didn't quite understand how that sudden friendship was possible, though, but he couldn't ask Minseok since they weren't on speaking terms. The new boy was Baekhyun, a student from the other school of the town, known among the teenagers for being one of a kind. He was a sweet talker with a big circle of people disposed to give everything for him, yet he was also rare, as his humor usually turned to the darkest places. One could say he was bright in conversations, but sinister in action.
Thinking twice, Luhan did comprehend why Minseok would find him interesting, but it didn't mean he liked it. Baekhyun wasn't at fault of their fight, yet Luhan despised him. First, because he was a rich, inconsiderate brat who always got away with his shit; second, because he and his friends were extreme elitists; and third, because he could sense Baekhyun had put the spotlight on Minseok, who was easy to manipulate if he received the right affection beforehand.
For once, Luhan was the one to suppose Minseok didn't need him in his life anymore, so he witnessed the development of his relationship with Baekhyun from afar.
Baekhyun visited Minseok from time to time, always looking like he had been pulled out from a magazine. Luhan spied him through the window as he fixed his hair, checked himself on the phone and put lip balm before ringing Minseok's bell. His intentions were clear, and Luhan suspected Minseok was aware of them, for he smiled at Baekhyun everytime he appeared at his door. Minseok grinned at his new friend with a distinctive light on his eyes, shattering Luhan's heart in the process, but he couldn't stop watching.
He saw everything from his bedroom, even if it was a little extract of their relationship. The first meetings, the first kiss they shared at the doorway, the first time Baekhyun spent the night over, the first time Baekhyun succeeded in getting Minseok out of his house at night.
Painfully and slowly for Luhan, the Halloween of 2006 came around, and the blonde decided to celebrate a party for the second year in a row. Halloween meant Minseok, but Luhan didn't have him anymore. It was a thought he couldn't bear with, an inward emptiness that drew him to a state of grief.
What he did that day was stupid, but he did it anyway: he approached Minseok during Math's break, sitting next to him in the last row. He perceived how his old friend tensed up, aware of his presence, yet he kept the silence.
It didn't feel too different, at first. Minseok smelled like the same fabric softener, or Luhan thought so as he observed his profile. It didn't matter that Minseok was deliberately ignoring him, nor that he was clearly troubled by the approach, because Luhan missed him. He missed him so much, so bad.
"I'm hosting a party tonight," Luhan breathed out, and to his surprise, his voice came out shaky. He wished the other hadn't noticed it. "I would like you to come."
It was that exact moment, those exact words which caught Minseok's interest. His gaze flicked from the table to Luhan's face, fast and steady, and the strength of the eye contact made Luhan shiver.
He noticed the slight change on Minseok's eyes right away. He hadn't seen it during the past year, probably because he hadn't been this close. There was something sharper, an aggressiveness that resembled an attempt at protection. Luhan wondered whether, now that Minseok didn't have him to defend him, he was using this as his shield. Did this mean Baekhyun wasn't his protector, that Minseok could take care of himself? That Minseok had chosen him willingly, regardless not needing a savior?
"I can't."
His lips moved, but Luhan pushed the meaning of his words away. Even then, he could read the hurtful truth in Minseok's tone: he could, it was just that he didn't want to.
Luhan swallowed, a huge lump stuck in his throat. Although he was seated, his body went completely weak, as though he was going to pass out right then. "You can bring your boyfriend."
"I can't, Luhan," repeated Minseok. He barely squinted at him, brief confusion going through his features, and his old friend understood what the reason was: Luhan's conduct was more than strange. Why would he invite him after months of ignoring him? He had his own friends, Sehun, Suho, Chanyeol... and Minseok belonged to other group. "We already have plans."
The teacher entered the classroom, and Luhan found himself overwhelmed by anxiety. The rejection was heavier with each second, because he had to go back to his seat and close the talk with Minseok. It had been a failure, and worse, the confirmation that they were nothing after all.
"Please, come," he begged, regretting how lame his behaviour was. There he was again, pleading to Minseok, with the difference that this one wasn't the sweet, shy Minseok he used to know; this one was rougher and wouldn't have had any problem breaking his heart. "At least for fifteen minutes, it's enough. Minseok, I..."
The teacher called his name, not allowing the habitual apology to come out. Minseok's eyes just became a bit more intense.
He's here.
That was the only thought that flooded Luhan's mind. It was already midnight and the party had started two hours ago, by which time he had lost any hope of Minseok appearing. Sehun had been the whole time by his side, so he noticed Luhan had his head in the clouds and of course, asked about it. Everything was explained when Sehun spotted the new guests, for Luhan seemed relieved out of the blue.
Maybe Minseok did attend his party, yet the situation wasn't that likeable. After him, Baekhyun and two strangers stepped in. For some reason, Luhan got mad at him. It was true he had told him he could bring Baekhyun along, but Minseok should have read the mood.
As the host, Luhan hurried to greet them. It felt like a little vengeance when, during the handshake, he pressed more than necessary the guy's slender fingers. Baekhyun responded to the challenge, although his mouth was smiling and his tongue spoke polite words. The small victory laid on the fact that Baekhyun knew about him already, thus at some point Minseok had worried enough about Luhan to share him with his boyfriend.
"Your costumes are great," Luhan complimented them, after the other two boys,Taehyung and Hoseok, had introduced themselves.
The blonde, in his skeleton disguise, didn't want to think about it too much, but Minseok looked, was different. It was obvious Baekhyun and him were displaying couple costumes: while Baekhyun was a rotting corpse, Minseok was his undertaker. The shovel, though, was in Baekhyun's hand.
"I thought this was a huge party," Baekhyun commented as he passed by Luhan's side. He took Minseok's wrist, softly pulling him. He was talking to his partner, but it was clear that he wanted Luhan to hear it. "Not a bunch of geeks without enough money to buy a proper Halloween decorations."
Luhan's blood shot through his body, the pulse of his heart blocking his ears. He searched for Minseok, for a sign of disapproval or disappointment on his boyfriend, but he didn't find it. Instead, Baekhyun sent him a malicious glimpse, as to call him to start a fight.
He pondered it; he had dreamt of smashing Baekhyun's face since the first day, out of envy and frustration, and suddenly he was there, tempting him as if he was aware of Luhan's inner wishes.
However, Minseok's eyes were on both of them. Though he may have not been the same oblivious boy, he still didn't have the skill to pick up with certain circumstances: he didn't catch the wicked intentions of Baekhyun, because Baekhyun was perfect to him.
Baekhyun and his company fused into the crowd of people, so Luhan breathed in again. A hand landed on his shoulder and he turned to see Sehun, who had his nose scrunched in distrust.
"I'll keep an eye on them," he muttered, sighing when Luhan gave him a questioning glance. "This is strange, because the rich boys usually have a crazy party for themselves."
As true as the statement was, Luhan didn't dig into it. It was his fault Baekhyun was at his party, because he had invited him without realizing that even if Minseok had attended it, Luhan wouldn't obtain what he really yearned for.
From that moment on, his attention was on Minseok, dark clothes and feisty eyes that magnetized Luhan. Which meant he also had to deal with the excessive affection from Baekhyun, an exhibition of intimacy between the couple. Although it pained him to admit it, Minseok seemed to be happy.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed when Baekhyun and Minseok finally split up, but it was the cause of his relief. Luhan didn't hesitate, just took the chance and went near Minseok, who merely spared him a cold glance.
"He's not a good person," he blurted out, supporting his hips against the table.
Unexpectedly, the other boy took offense.
"What would you know?" His voice was accusing and hostile, and when Luhan stared at him, he discovered Minseok's eyes were glued to Sehun's figure across the room. "Who are you to judge when your company is horrible?"
Although Luhan didn't plan to argue, he felt the obligation to stand up for Sehun. "There's nothing wrong with him."
At last, and after a whole night of avoiding his eyes, Minseok gazed up at him. He was still a bit shorter than him, so he did it through his eyelashes. Even like that, emotionless and rough, Luhan thought he was strikingly beautiful.
"We differ, Luhan," he murmured softly. There was a provocative insinuation in his look, a contrast that dissolved when the next words arose. "That's why we aren't friends anymore."
It shot him right in the guts. Minseok's honesty hadn't changed, yet that was the only thing that remained of him.
Luhan was mad, because Minseok was too different, too grown up, and he had no ideahow maintain his self-control. Minseok was all deep, sensual eyes, tempting pupils that dilated while staring, lips that stretched with an indecent hint. He ignited a carnal sense within Luhan, and Luhan hated it. He had never been so far from having Minseok, never so impatient for taking him.
"He has brainwashed you," Luhan said out of frustration, trying not to fall for Minseok's charms. He had to look away, though, and Minseok didn't miss it.
It was unpredicted: Minseok caressed the outer part of his arm, brushing the skeleton costume as though he was inspecting it. Luhan shivered at the contact. It was electric, blazing and it filled his lungs with smoke.
"I can understand why you would think that," granted Minseok, although the trail of tenderness was long gone. "It feels bad having lost your power, doesn't it? It feels bad when the other person is able to make his own decisions and doesn't need your support anymore, right?"
"This is not a competition."
"It's not." Minseok tilted his head to one side, half closing his eyelids. "But I love Baekhyun, and you can't change that."
His throat was dry. That was the final stroke he required to collapse, and it had come raw and clean. He would have preferred not to understand love, wondered what it was like, because that would have freed him from accepting Minseok's love towards Baekhyun. But Luhan knew love too well. He felt and lamented it and he was suffering because of it.
Luhan didn't intend to ask, but the words flew out from his mouth. "And you don't love me?"
The blonde barely flinched when the lights went off. There was a round of exclamations and then the music stopped, but his question was still in the air, and suddenly it had fallen into the darkness and the panic, hauling Luhan along.
A hand came to caress his cheek, firm fingers that cast a chill down his spine. They smelled like Minseok the child, but the scent was mixed with make-up and perfume.
"You're so selfish, Luhan," Minseok simply responded in a mutter. "I'm sorry. I tried to stop them. But I guess you actually deserve it."
Just seconds later, Luhan understood the meaning of his words. Minseok faded away while they were in the darkness, so when lights came back, Luhan only could focus on how stupid he had been.
During the conversation, Baekhyun had let a dozen other rich boys enter through the back door. They had just attended the party to crash it, almost as a warning for how out of place Luhan had been to invite Minseok: smashed pumpkins and broken glasses, permanent stains on the carpet, his text books had been stolen, firecrackers inside the house that left burns on the furniture and the floor.
Everything and everyone were determined to convince Luhan that Minseok didn't belong to him anymore.
Part 2