Prelude to a kiss (2/2)
Halloween, 2007.
"Try this!"
Sehun shoved his pumpkin juice in front of his face, childishly smiling.They were in a themed cafe, surrounded by ghostly waiters and body parts that hung from the roof, which shone with a gentle red light.
Grinning back, Luhan grasped the cup and took a sip, as Sehun used the advantage to steal a bit from his own cup, a bloody liquid that was supposed to be watermelon.
Sehun and him were spending Halloween alone. Luhan hadn't had plans when the other guy asked to spend it with him, but it turned out to be a good idea. Even if they were dumping Suho and Chanyeol, Luhan needed a peaceful celebration for once, so he accepted.
He had been oblivious, though, at what this invitation meant. He didn't realize either after seeing how the most of the customers were couples, or when Sehun slipped his hand into his across the table. Sehun had been always a bit playful, touchy, and Luhan hadn't given it importance.
"You're always so good with Halloween costumes," complimented Sehun, intently inspecting the work Luhan had done. "You should make money off it or something."
Luhan laughed it off, because this was just a hobby. "I'd rather go to college, honestly."
He was barely conscious of how Sehun kept admiring his face. Maybe because within Luhan felt darker than ever, he had opted for something cuter this year: he was a stone angel, gray paint and clothes and, of course, locks of dyed hair that fell upon his forehead.
"Big dreams?" Sehun joked. His fingers pressed against Luhan's a bit sweetly, which at last caught Luhan's attention. "I thought you wouldn't come with me tonight."
Luhan stared at their intertwined hands for a second, and then at Sehun, who was expectantly gazing back. In that exact moment, his mind suspected what had been beyond suspicion.
"Sehun?" Luhan just asked, unable to control a little trembling in his voice.
Inhaling, the boy parted his lips, yet the words never came out. He was cut by the sound of the door, which was pushed open to let enter a pair of noisy teenagers. As if Luhan was able to catch his enemy's presence, he turned around right away, meeting Baekhyun's eyes as soon as he did.
However, Baekhyun ignored him the very next moment, thus Luhan directed his attention to his company. It wasn't Minseok. It was a guy so slender and tall that Baekhyun didn't reach his shoulders, and he would have passed as a friend of his if it weren't because they were holding hands.
An acid sensation traveled up Luhan's throat. Suddenly, he noticed he was doing exactly the same thing that Baekhyun: caressing the hands of a boy who wasn't Minseok. He withdrew, panicked, and decided to overlook Sehun’s hurtful expression.
His legs responded on their own, thus Luhan found himself in front of Baekhyun's table as soon as they sat down. "You're cheating on him?"
There was a fury in his voice he hadn't intended to show. It wasn't until he noted it that he realized how mad he was, how much he still hated Baekhyun although two years had passed since he had captured Minseok.
One of his eyebrows flew up, a blank stare that only indicated how little he cared.
"Technically, no," Baekhyun answered, stealing a glance from his new companion, who just gave Luhan a bored look. "I broke up with him this morning."
In other circumstances, Luhan would have felt ecstatic. However, he was aware of the dark side of this situation: not only had Minseok been dumped, but also his ex-boyfriend had replaced him in the blink of an eye.
Luhan was lucky. Sehun had followed him, so when he attempted to punch Baekhyun in the face, he stopped his fist midair, an arm encircling his waist so that he couldn't go further.
"What is your problem?" Baekhyun gaped at him, clearly shocked by the failed attack. He had tensed in his seat, not noticing how his friend seemed ready to jump onto Luhan too. "I'm always honest. I loved him, but I don't love him anymore, why would I lie to him?"
"You're a fucking asshole!" Luhan shouted at Baekhyun.
"Luhan, forget it," Sehun begged, although his grip didn't get softer.
Ignoring him, Luhan struggled to be released as Baekhyun got up to keep a safe distance from him. At that point, they had gathered the attention of every customer, as well as the ghostly waiters. That was the reason two seconds later a small woman walked up to them in a hurry, screaming.
"Out of my cafe!" she demanded, shaking Luhan by the shoulder. "You! Out!"
"He's sick."
The lie didn't take Luhan by surprise, since he was conscious he would have to deal with a sharp, defensive mother. She had always detested Luhan, just like his own mother had disliked Minseok and the questionable relationship they had.
Forbidding him to meet Minseok seemed reasonable, at least because Luhan hadn't appeared at their house in two whole years. Even if both families weren't very happy with their sexual orientation, Minseok's mother probably favored Baekhyun: he was charming and belonged to a higher class. Nothing that Luhan could compete against.
"I want to see him either way." Luhan made sure to not stare at the woman's eyes for too long. That would have meant a challenge for her, and even though that was exactly what Luhan needed to do now, she would have rejected him. "I don't mind getting sick."
The woman hesitated for several seconds, taken aback by the answer. If she thought Luhan was being absurd -specially because he was still a stone angel- she didn't give signals of it.
"Mom." A voice piped up from behind, soon followed by her older son who encircled her waist as to move her aside. "Let him in."
Jongdae sent him a sad smile as his mother finally consented, both of them leaving the path free for him. The guy patted the woman's back with affection, silently asking for some privacy, and Luhan took the chance to talk.
"Thanks," he mumbled, sighing almost in relief.
Jongdae just nodded slowly, accepting the gratitude. "Just... don't fuck it up. He's not okay."
Even with the warning, Luhan couldn't have imagined until what point the break-up had upset Minseok. He wasn't ready either to watch Minseok crying for another boy, like the last proof that he had indeed been in love with Baekhyun all this time.
However, as he opened the door of his bedroom and Minseok looked out of the sheets, he realized he couldn't think about himself right then. Not when the other boy was curled up on his bed, red, swollen eyes and chapped lips due to the salt of the tears.
Minseok let out a faint gasp, somehow half scared, half relieved by the guy standing at the door. "Luhan."
Under the vigilance of a sorrowful gaze, he climbed onto the bed, pulling Minseok into his embrace within a second. Though he wasn't sure the crying boy wanted him here, it only took Minseok two seconds to respond at the hug. And two more to start weeping in silence against Luhan's chest, out of both pain and regret: because even after he had been mean to Luhan, he was there to hold him at his worst moment.
He had forgotten how it was like. He had gotten used to Baekhyun's touches as a replacement for all the things Luhan had offered him in his early days, but the past came back to haunt him and he wasn't discontent with it. Luhan's capacity to forgive was anything but admirable, and it was all he needed for now. It didn't matter that the stronger Luhan's grip was around his body, the more likely he was to keep on crying.
"What is this?" mumbled Minseok, his voice muffled between the tears and the suffocating hug. However, he made an effort to detach himself from Luhan's chest so that he could stare up at him and his make-up. Even though it was hard to ignore Luhan's costume, he had been too grateful to process something else besides his arrival. He stroked the bridge of his nose with the index finger, staining himself with gray paint. "What are you?"
Luhan used the moment, Minseok's face unveiled, to wipe away the last tears that fell from his eyes. "An angel."
The other one sobbed hard, for the irony of the costume was too appropriate for Luhan’s current behavior. "Very funny."
"A stone one," the gray-haired boy explained. Deep inside, he could hear the inner thought of Minseok and his typical 'It's Halloween and you should be scary.’ Not a damn angel. "Do you want me to remove it?"
"Please."
Luhan didn't need to be told twice. He untangled himself from Minseok, who laid back again and closed his eyes, and left the room for the bathroom. He used the make-up remover, wondering if it belonged to Minseok's mother or to the boy himself, yet he couldn't do anything about the rest of the costume; the hair and the clothes had to stay put.
By the time he walked back to Minseok's bedroom, his friend was already fast asleep, so he naturally hesitated to step in or not. But then he realized that even if he should close the door and leave because he hadn't asked for permission, he didn't want to. There were a lot of things that Luhan owed to himself, and this was one of them.
He entered, kicking his shoes out, and occupied the empty spot on the bed. Minseok flinched in his sleep as Luhan got under the sheets, sighing, but he didn't have any doubts when he passed an arm over Minseok's waist. He was still tiny, but as he brought their bodies closer, Luhan thought he was also as warm as always.
It wasn't easy to recover the old trust they had in each other. Minseok was distant, a natural trait of his that Luhan had expected to find. It had been always like this for him: he had had to force him to open up with effort and patience, so he knew he could do it once more.
They bonded through small and, sometimes, big confessions. Minseok told him he had fooled around with some drugs due to Baekhyun. He has a lot of money but doesn't know how to spend it, he clarified before apologizing as though Luhan were going to scold him for his mistakes. In return, the blonde was honest about the topic that annoyed Minseok the most: Sehun. He had accepted that the guy had a crush on him, or maybe something else if he believed Minseok and his theory about how he had been captivated since the first day.
Though Minseok wasn't very pleased, he didn't cut the strings with Sehun because he was still his friend. Anyways, he started to pass more time with Minseok, even if the boy himself and his other friends warned he shouldn't. He understood Minseok’s reasons even if he didn’t voice them out, since he didn't want to depend on Luhan like he had done before. But Suho, Chanyeol and Sehun thought it was dangerous because he would end hurt again.
Much to his disgrace, they were right. But Luhan had learned to deal with pain, thus when he spotted Baekhyun in front of Minseok's house one day, he didn't comment on it. The day after, Minseok cried again while admitting he had slept with him, and even though Luhan didn't give signs of being angry, he was. At Minseok because the adoration he felt allowed Baekhyun to take advantage of him, and at the scumbag because he intended to use Minseok for sex now that they had broken up.
Baekhyun showed up days later again, and that time Minseok kicked him out. It didn't mean he had moved on.
At the end, it was worth it for Luhan. Baekhyun became an echoing memory for them both, his friend didn't look back and neither did he. He forgave and forgot, and soon Minseok was his again. Not in the way he longed for, but passing the days with him was enough, watching movies, tucked under blankets or touring the closer towns to find more haunted houses.
A week prior to the Halloween of 2008, Minseok appeared at his house with two costumes. They hadn't talked much about the festivity except to convince Minseok to go to Suho's party, hence Luhan couldn't have been more satisfied with the initiative of wearing couple costumes. The problem was what Minseok had picked.
"Pumpkins?" He laughed, letting himself fall on the kitchen chair. "Too old for that shit."
"Wow, rude. Don't call my ideas 'shit,’” chided Minseok as he extended the clothes over the counter top for exhibition. "This is a must. We're eighteen, so we can still be ridiculous. Especially if you're going to college next year."
There was no reproach in his tone, there never was. At the beginning of senior year, Luhan had decided he would be majoring in English. It didn't suit him, the kid who used to build machines and the teenager who was always fooling around with the technology (the last two phones could prove that), but he liked that new path too. On the other hand, Minseok wasn't interested in attending any university, and to be honest Luhan was worried about him, for he didn't seem to have plans for his future.
"You will be adorable in that," Luhan teased, choosing the exact word to get on Minseok’s nerves. It was an attempt to change the subject, which worked quite well. "Do you want to be adorable?"
The other guy rolled his eyes. "Of course, Luhan. That's what I was thinking about when I came up with this. Totally not thinking about how bad you'd look."
Minseok kissed him at midnight.
There were some reasons that could explain it rather than it being genuine desire. It was true, he had been more affectionate than usual, which Luhan had assumed to be his friends' fault. Chanyeol had slipped a glass into Minseok's hand as soon as they arrived, and the latter had politely drunk it, not minding what was inside.
But then the giggles had become frequent and the hands that stroked Luhan more needy, until the point Minseok dragged him into a corner through lame excuses. He had said it was because of an important secret he had to share, so Luhan complied even if it was to let the drunken Minseok have his fun. Actually, he wasn’t that sober himself, thus anything Minseok asked for sounded good.
Minseok pushed himself against the corner, arms around Luhan's neck. He drew him closer with a sly smirk, removing both of his orange hoodies in order to brush the back of Luhan's hair. Luhan smiled lovingly at him when he sunk his face into the crook of his neck, but the gesture was erased as Minseok breathed into his ear. "A virgin?"
The hot breath sent a shiver down his spine, yet that wasn't what prevented him from answering right away.
He was a virgin, of course. It was normal having into consideration that the only two gay males he knew were out of the question: Minseok had stopped being his friend for a while and Sehun had been infatuated with him. Even if Luhan had known about Sehun's feelings before, he wouldn't have slept with him anyways. He was handsome, but Luhan didn't feel anything deep and that would have given him false hope.
The realization that Minseok wasn't a virgin was heavier now, for it was the only thing in which he seemed to have overtaken Luhan. It was troubling, somehow, while Minseok's fingers ran through his hair and his tone suggested much more.
"Y-yes, why are you asking?" Luhan responded at the end, putting his hands on Minseok's hips to control his own trembling.
Minseok detached from his neck to look up at him, in a perfect angle for Luhan to press his lips against his. Though he was serious, there was an odd shine in his eyes as he met Luhan's stare. "Will you fuck me tonight if I ask you to?"
It felt like a punch right in the guts, the blood spurting everywhere within him and the trails of thoughts collapsing onto a mountain of doubts. Luhan was blank as millions of options crossed his mind: it was a rhetorical question, not a proposition; Minseok was playing him, he had misheard or maybe he was dreaming. Did Minseok felt the same for him? Or did he only want sex?
He couldn't. Even if Minseok shared the kind of love he did, he wouldn't be able to have his first time under the effect of alcohol. Minseok was too important, too special, and the casual way of the question and the choice of crude words showed how little he knew about it. Baekhyun had never treated him the way he deserved, but Luhan wasn't him.
"Minseok... this isn't the right place, nor the right moment and-" He flinched when he spotted the imminent disappointment on his friend's face. "You're drunk, I j-just can't do it."
Much to his surprise, Minseok didn't release him. Instead, he pulled him closer, pressing their foreheads together, nose tips barely touching each other. Luhan hadn't noticed until then, but there was something different in the way Minseok acted; it had a trace of desperation, even fear. And maybe he wasn't the only one, because Minseok measured his words when he repeated the question.
"Will you make love to me tomorrow?" he whispered, begged. Unconsciously, Luhan held him tighter, finally encircling him without panic. "Just one day, once, Luhan. And then we'll pretend nothing happened and everything will be the same. And when you leave for college it won't be that bad for me."
It wasn't enough. Luhan wanted to refuse again, since it didn't sound as good as it should. Why just one day? Because Minseok couldn't bear with another situation: getting into a relationship and then to be separated because Luhan had to study? It was unimaginable. Still, Luhan wished Minseok into his life, completely and every day, not as a fling both of them would have to forget the next day.
"I will."
But it was the only way to love Minseok like he had always dreamt, and to be loved back by him. It didn't matter that it had an expiration date.
"Promise me."
Luhan forced himself to stare into Minseok's eyes until the pain was his too, in a way he couldn't have retracted the decision.
"I promise."
But months later, when Luhan left the town, he could only think about Minseok. About his white, soft thighs that fit so well around him, about the heat of Minseok's insides, comfort moans, hickeys and kisses, about those well shaped lips and the way Minseok looked at him when Luhan muttered his name. It hadn't happened just once; after the first one, it was impossible to forget.
Minseok regretted it as soon as he found himself alone in the town. Luhan was too far and too busy to meet him during the week, and though at first he went back to visit on the weekends, he eventually stopped. Once a month, if Minseok was lucky, he appeared on the doorstep with his usual smile. When the college season ended, Luhan didn't come back either. Summer passed and Minseok wasn't surprised to hear from Luhan's mother that he was dating a guy from his major. It didn't hurt Minseok, for he had realized through texts and calls that Luhan was hiding something from him. Luhan didn't know how to lie.
His father’s letter arrived in September, but Jongdae didn't show him the check until a month later. The money was from a dubious origin, probably illegal matters, and it might not have been right to use it. Jongdae made the decision for them both. The person who had had Minseok mourning him for years was sending it, and almost as a small vengeance toward their father, Jongdae thought he could grant Minseok some happiness. Their father hadn't done anything for them except ruining the family, and they deserved any kind of compensation he could give. It wasn't parenthood, but maybe it was a bit late for that.
Of course, Minseok spent the money to buy the haunted house from the town nearby. It was cheap because no family wanted to live terrified by horror stories, and it was perfect because Minseok knew how to build a business with it. He was an expert in turning the atmosphere dark, which attracted a certain type of tourism. Thus, the house became a home for the brothers, but also their job.
"Not a good idea," Jongdae stated on Halloween, 2012.
There were a ton of reasons why he disapproved of Minseok's plans for the night. One, he would be alone to deal with the fifty customers that had paid to stay the night at the haunted house. Second, Luhan had been pretty insensitive to invite Minseok to a college party. No, insensitive was a short term. Dumb was more appropriate.
"I don't see the problem."
Minseok didn't face him, but Jongdae figured he was rolling his eyes out of stubbornness. Of course, there was no trouble for him as long as Luhan was there. Jongdae needed to make him understand that this time, Luhan wouldn't be there, because showing too much care for Minseok could bother his current boyfriend.
"The problem is, you like him,” Jongdae reminded him, not measuring if he was being harsh or not. “He has a boyfriend now. His boyfriend will be there."
I love him, Minseok corrected in his mind, and that's why I'd like him to be happy. That had been his motto since he had received the call from Luhan, but he wasn't fully convinced yet.
"I'm not ten. I can deal with reality, okay?" Minseok lied, more bitter than he intended to sound.
In fact, he was just forcing himself to face the facts, tired of avoiding the topic. Luhan had moved on and that was nice. He was a twenty-two-year-old surrounded by a thousand guys his age, with his same interests and beliefs, and Minseok had nothing they could be jealous for.
"The second problem, that's not a Halloween costume," Jongdae continued, ignoring his justification. "It's slutty."
That was also true, but Minseok had studied thoroughly his options for that year. He didn't want to be scary, because it was hard to come up with an idea and it was exactly what people expected of him. When he had bought the kitty costume, he hadn't even thought it was that indecent. He didn't realize he looked quite sexy until Jongdae saw him and automatically dropped the pan he was holding.
His brother pouted when Minseok just raised a brow at him. "You behave this way, and then I have to deal with that boy you bring home, that... that..."
"Kyungsoo," Minseok finished, trying not to laugh at the elder's awkwardness.
"Yes, that one."
"I'm not going to bring anyone tonight," he sighed, turning around and putting the coat on. Jongdae followed him in defeat, since he was the one to drive Minseok to the party, for the other didn't have a driving license. "You know it and you know why."
Minseok understood why he had been invited as soon as he stepped into the house. It wasn't a regular college party, even though people still drank and acted dumb. There were only boys, some just dancing and some just drinking, but a good part of them were making out shamelessly.
He was shocked at first, until the realization and the comfort seeped through him. This wasn't a place to hide or worry about people getting offended, but unfortunately that meant that Luhan wasn't going to be shy about his relationship.
Luhan hadn't put a costume on, something that somehow didn't take Minseok by surprise. After all, most of the students hadn't dressed up as anything, and those who did were wearing simple, effortless costumes. Minseok was glad he didn't overdo his, since this way he didn't stand out from the rest.
His friend welcomed him with a suffocating hug, shining eyes and a blinding smile that made Minseok feel bad about himself. He had dyed his hair back to black, and much to his grief, he was more gorgeous than ever: he looked mature and had an imposing bearing that made Minseok's knees weak.
Releasing him, Luhan examined him from head to toe in shock, and a second later he looked away with a blush on his face. Minseok tried to disguise his laugh as a friendly smile for Yixing, who was leaning in to give a greeting kiss on his cheek.
Yixing was cute. Not the usual cute like Kyungsoo or Luhan himself, because he had that natural charm that it didn't matter what he was talking about, he still gave the same vibe. There was only so much that Minseok could put up with in a single night, so soon he isolated himself and left the couple behind.
Roaming around the house, at last he found where the alcohol was, but there was a guy serving it and forbidding some people to approach the kitchen. Something in the way he was shooing away certain drunkards made Minseok think that he was the owner of the house.
"What's with that face?" The fake bartender asked him when he halted in front of him. "Are kitties usually that grumpy?"
Minseok grinned automatically. The stranger was staring at him with a humorous glint in his eyes, a half-smile that suggested he could eat Minseok at any moment, grumpy or not. Drowned in misery, that was enough to lighten his mood.
"It's just... Halloween is worse every year that passes by," Minseok answered sincerely as the guy filled a cup and handed it to him without asking what he wanted.
The stranger licked his lips in hesitation when he accepted the drink. "You're Luhan's friend, Minseok, right?"
A bunch of questions went through his mind. First, who was this who knew and remembered his name? But the most important matter was about Luhan and him. Were they still friends? After everything?
"I guess so," Minseok decided to respond, softly burrowing his eyebrows.
"I'm Jongin," the guy introduced himself.
Minseok beamed up at him, content with the sympathy, but maybe he shouldn't have been. Before he realized, Jongin had planted two kisses on his cheeks, or to be exact on the corner of his lips, touching so much of them that it basically counted as a kiss. Minseok was left dumbfounded for a few seconds, staring at him with wide eyes.
For some reason, his reaction was hilarious to Jongin, who laughed at him unashamedly. "He told me you two had a complicated relationship."
So Luhan and him knew each other to the point Jongin could recognize Minseok without having met him before. Somehow, that troubled him, though it was hard to stay mad when Jongin was smiling down at him.
"For a Language Major, he’s sure short with explanations," Minseok commented, not concealing his mild annoyance.
The boy looked confused for a while, but then he smirked and whispered. "Witty. I didn't imagine you like this."
Minseok couldn't comprehend why it was so easy to talk with Jongin. Usually, he would have run away from any stranger, especially if he complimented him like this. However, running away then probably meant having to talk to Luhan and Yixing sooner or later, and that was way worse than chatting with Jongin.
"Why is that?" Minseok inquired, curious.
From that moment, as if Minseok's interest was a signal, Jongin stopped paying attention to the people who came near the kitchen. Instead, he centered on the shorter male.
"Luhan talks about you as if you were some spoiled brat," he confessed; and perhaps Minseok was paranoid, but he was sure Jongin wasn't supposed to reveal something like that. His tongue darted out to wet his lips in a way Minseok couldn't ignore, thus he found himself looking up from his lips to a mischievous gaze. "I have to differ."
Minseok didn't open his mouth to answer. Jongin was subtle, but the offer was there anyways. Being with Luhan and his boyfriend in the same house, he needed to think about it, even if it was just for a couple of minutes.
Jongin seemed to notice his doubts, because his alluring stare softened a little. "He doesn't love Yixing."
It was an understatement to say Minseok was stunned. Inwardly, he had been conversing with himself about whether Luhan was in love with the other boy or not. It was useless, because he wasn't anyone to judge: his eyes would see what he wished and his mind would interpret the reality in a way that could make him happier. Jongin's words changed it all.
"They seem perfect, they fit together, but neither of them love each other," Jongin added, conscious that it was important information for the other.
Minseok encouraged himself to follow the guy's talk. This was significant for him, regardless of what he would tell himself once this night ended. "How do you know that?"
"Sometimes I'm Luhan's best friend," Jongin shrugged nonchalantly. Sometimes, Minseok repeated within. He didn't understand that specification. "I know what you are to him. Yixing doesn't, and there's a reason for it."
He shook his head in denial, which surprisingly drew a laugh out of Jongin. Even though Minseok smiled a bit at the sound, he still dismissed the possibility. "It doesn't matter to him anymore, though."
"Do you think so?" Jongin quirked a brow at him, uninterested, as his hand grasped the tail of Minseok's costume. He pulled it, dragging Minseok along until they were close enough to smell each other. "I don't know, I've had Yixing crying a few times because Luhan isn't capable of getting emotionally involved. Not enough, at least."
"Anyways, they're dating."
Minseok suspected that Jongin might have been enjoying the hidden argument between the two. He said 'Yes, yes, yes, Luhan loves you' and Minseok responded 'No, no, no'.
"Yes," Jongin whispered, almost coherent with Minseok's stream of consciousness. His eyes seemed to ask if he didn't care at all, if he was disposed to play his game. Minseok responded silently, barely raising his chin as to consent. "And you're cute."
Minseok focused on not panicking. He had done this before, since he had been flirting with Kyungsoo for months. However, Jongin didn't resemble him, for he wasn't timid and he didn’t waste time beating around the bush. He was also handsome, probably younger than him, but still someone that Minseok could easily get intimatewith.
The taller guy passed a hand around his neck as Minseok asked. "Do you like kitties that much?"
It was instantaneous: Jongin smiled, leaned in and left a chaste kiss on his lips, which was clearly a trick for him to yearn for more. "Maybe."
Minseok searched for Luhan's face among the crowd to make sure he wasn't around. Even if his friend was in a relationship with Yixing, he didn't want to be caught getting it on with a stranger. For now, Luhan didn't know that part of him.
"Do you want to make a bet about it?" Jongin continued, serious.
There was a certain comfort in Jongin's arms when Minseok entangled his own around him. They were big and nothing like Luhan's, so he didn't remember him as Jongin trapped his lips with his. The boy kissed his jaw down his neck, slow and hard, and he tried not to whimper at the mere touch.
"What am I winning?" Minseok questioned him, torn between a nervous laugh and a grateful sigh.
"Anything you want."
Although Jongin probably meant it, it was impossible for it to be true. There were a lot of things Minseok needed and no one could give him, but it was okay. He thought it was enough when Jongin hauled him to his bedroom, and he was sure of it by the time Jongin took his clothes off.
He was passionate and attentive, and made Minseok come just with a simple blowjob. But then Jongin hovered over him, still hungry for sex, and he realized he would have to pay back with something different than a blowjob.
It never happened, even though Jongin was hard and Minseok was naked and open-legged. A bang at the door startled both of them, freezing them in their spot, and they didn't move until a familiar voice called for them.
"Get the fuck out of there, Minseok!"
"Fuck!" Jongin cursed automatically, rolling over to free Minseok. He scrambled out of the bed first, so fast that he started to throw Minseok's clothes at him before he could even react. "Get dressed! We were doing nothing, okay? Shit, Luhan's going to end me."
Regardless of the shock, Minseok obeyed him, a slight trembling taking over him just from thinking Luhan was on the other side of the door.
"Then, why were you doing this?" He complained to Jongin as he stumbled to put his pants on.
Jongin was about to answer him when Luhan screamed again. "Minseok! I swear I'm going to break the lock if you don't-"
"Please, Luhan, you're making a scene."
His friend wasn't alone: Yixing was there too, and judging by the tone of his voice, he was crying. Minseok felt like puking the whole dinner and the alcohol, aware of how the situation was going to explode and stain everyone with the remainders. At the sound of Yixing's voice, real concern crossed Jongin's face.
Seconds later, Minseok found himself shoved out of the bedroom, yet he wasn't even brave enough to look up at Luhan and Yixing. The latter sobbed in desperation when Luhan grasped Minseok's wrist and, much to his surprise, started to walk downstairs. Luhan pushed the people away, leaving his boyfriend and Jongin behind, and Minseok was too confused to put a fight against him.
"Wait!" Minseok exclaimed. "Luhan, what-? Where are we going?"
"You're going home."
Luhan's car was only a few streets away from Jongin's house, but it felt like an eternity for both of them. Neither of them talked during the stroll, nor did they once they were inside the car. Luhan drove through the night while Minseok stared out the window, both uninterested and afraid of asking where Luhan was taking him. However, it became clear when Luhan parked the car in front of Minseok’s house, which was already in complete darkness.
The guy didn't move an inch as Minseok turned to look at him, expecting an explanation for his behavior. Unfortunately, Luhan simply gazed at his hands over the steering wheel in what was a clear invitation to abandon his car.
Just then, Minseok realized what his friend intended. He had dragged him out of the party in order to avoid him sleeping with Jongin, but that was all. Then he was going to go back to the house and continue his perfect life as if nothing had happened, leaving Minseok behind like always.
Deciding to confront Luhan about it, he tried to control his nerves as he muttered. "You can't hold me back this way."
He spotted the shaking of Luhan's hands, which gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles went white. Minseok waited, because he knew him enough well to anticipate a reaction. He just had to stay inside the car.
"That's what you do now?" His question resonated inside the car, and Minseok nearly jumped at the loud tone. Luhan's voice was sharper than he had ever heard. "You fuck the first guy you find on your way?"
Although it was subtle, Minseok caught perfectly the amount of rage in his voice. Even if Minseok didn't want Luhan to get mad, fear didn't make him docile. He had grudges against his friend too, and for that reason his accusation seemed unfair.
"You can't hold me like this!" Minseok repeated, provoking Luhan to finally meet his eyes. "Do you want to be living your life while I stay at home waiting for you? Just in case you have the guts to come back?"
It felt unreal for himself as he spat those words at Luhan. He hadn't planned it; he was determined to be smoother with the topic, but his lips moved on their own as soon as he found Luhan's eyes, emotional and watery.
"I'm letting you go!" Luhan blurted out. His eyes widened once he had screamed it, and despite the shock on Minseok's features, he went on with what he had wanted to confess for the last three years since he had left the town. "We are never going further, and it's stupid, and it's only making me hurt."
True terror took over Minseok, yet it wasn't that which pushed him to put a halt to all that nonsense. He couldn't let Luhan think that way, as though it was okay to force himself to forget someone so important in his life. Saying goodbye was a mistake, and Minseok wouldn't have consented to it.
"Don't let me go," Minseok pleaded with him, closing his eyes. Then, inhaling all the air he was able to, he detached Luhan's hands from the steering wheel to squeeze them in his. Luhan was bewildered, for he stared at the intertwined fingers in confusion, yet he would have never imagined what Minseok was going to say. "I love you."
The silence was more revealing than any response, and it took Luhan a long minute to utter a simple word. "What?"
Minseok wasn't nervous. He had been sure of his own feelings for so long that at this point they were encouraging him. However, he hadn't had that certainty about Luhan until Jongin's generosity had thrown them into this situation.
"I know you've waited a lot for me during all these years," Minseok said as he ignored the his friend’s state. "I can't do the same, because I don't want to be your friend and watch how you build a relationship with another guy. I would, but it doesn't feel like you'll come back to me anymore."
Luhan had never been the type to conceal his wishes, so when his look fell on Minseok's lips, he wasn't surprised. The other pressed his hands harder against his, even though he didn't seem aware of it.
"It has been three years," Luhan told him, considering it.
"Yes." Minseok stroked the outline of his jaw, a gesture that unconsciously attracted Luhan forward. It was too easy: he had closed his eyes and Minseok only had to kneel over the seat to reach his lips. He didn't think about why kissing him now was wrong, because it was trivial compared to how important this moment was to him. "Kiss me."
It wasn't the right thing to do, yet Luhan couldn't lie to himself like this; neither could he lie to the people he cared about. It didn't matter how long Luhan tried, Minseok was still the one he truly loved, the first one on the list, the one able to make him cheat on Yixing with two words. It had been this way since he had first met Minseok, when his cheeks were rounder but his eyes were still as sad as they were now. Luhan had dreamt about erasing that grief from him; he had needed to heal his broken heart and fill all those empty spaces of his interior.
He had always wanted Minseok to love him back, but it had almost been a fantasy. He had convinced himself of it once he had left the town, and finding Yixing at the campus during his first day of college had been determining for his sanity.
Luhan just needed Minseok, whether he was miles away or right next to him in the car. Minseok loved him; he wasn't sure when he had started or if it was true at all, but it was enough for him.
"If I kiss you now, I'll never let you go," he decided, grasping Minseok's jaw to pull him closer.
Minseok obeyed to his silent question in a way Luhan didn't predict. The guy graciously passed over the hand brake, slipping away from his seat and onto Luhan's legs. Though it was a bit embarrassing, Luhan felt himself choking when he realized he had Minseok on his lap, staring at him with a half-smile that was both lovely and seductive. From that distance, he could decipher even the deepest secret in his eyes.
"Kiss me," Minseok repeated, and this time Luhan didn't hesitate to grant his order.
"Try this!"
Sehun shoved his pumpkin juice in front of his face, childishly smiling.They were in a themed cafe, surrounded by ghostly waiters and body parts that hung from the roof, which shone with a gentle red light.
Grinning back, Luhan grasped the cup and took a sip, as Sehun used the advantage to steal a bit from his own cup, a bloody liquid that was supposed to be watermelon.
Sehun and him were spending Halloween alone. Luhan hadn't had plans when the other guy asked to spend it with him, but it turned out to be a good idea. Even if they were dumping Suho and Chanyeol, Luhan needed a peaceful celebration for once, so he accepted.
He had been oblivious, though, at what this invitation meant. He didn't realize either after seeing how the most of the customers were couples, or when Sehun slipped his hand into his across the table. Sehun had been always a bit playful, touchy, and Luhan hadn't given it importance.
"You're always so good with Halloween costumes," complimented Sehun, intently inspecting the work Luhan had done. "You should make money off it or something."
Luhan laughed it off, because this was just a hobby. "I'd rather go to college, honestly."
He was barely conscious of how Sehun kept admiring his face. Maybe because within Luhan felt darker than ever, he had opted for something cuter this year: he was a stone angel, gray paint and clothes and, of course, locks of dyed hair that fell upon his forehead.
"Big dreams?" Sehun joked. His fingers pressed against Luhan's a bit sweetly, which at last caught Luhan's attention. "I thought you wouldn't come with me tonight."
Luhan stared at their intertwined hands for a second, and then at Sehun, who was expectantly gazing back. In that exact moment, his mind suspected what had been beyond suspicion.
"Sehun?" Luhan just asked, unable to control a little trembling in his voice.
Inhaling, the boy parted his lips, yet the words never came out. He was cut by the sound of the door, which was pushed open to let enter a pair of noisy teenagers. As if Luhan was able to catch his enemy's presence, he turned around right away, meeting Baekhyun's eyes as soon as he did.
However, Baekhyun ignored him the very next moment, thus Luhan directed his attention to his company. It wasn't Minseok. It was a guy so slender and tall that Baekhyun didn't reach his shoulders, and he would have passed as a friend of his if it weren't because they were holding hands.
An acid sensation traveled up Luhan's throat. Suddenly, he noticed he was doing exactly the same thing that Baekhyun: caressing the hands of a boy who wasn't Minseok. He withdrew, panicked, and decided to overlook Sehun’s hurtful expression.
His legs responded on their own, thus Luhan found himself in front of Baekhyun's table as soon as they sat down. "You're cheating on him?"
There was a fury in his voice he hadn't intended to show. It wasn't until he noted it that he realized how mad he was, how much he still hated Baekhyun although two years had passed since he had captured Minseok.
One of his eyebrows flew up, a blank stare that only indicated how little he cared.
"Technically, no," Baekhyun answered, stealing a glance from his new companion, who just gave Luhan a bored look. "I broke up with him this morning."
In other circumstances, Luhan would have felt ecstatic. However, he was aware of the dark side of this situation: not only had Minseok been dumped, but also his ex-boyfriend had replaced him in the blink of an eye.
Luhan was lucky. Sehun had followed him, so when he attempted to punch Baekhyun in the face, he stopped his fist midair, an arm encircling his waist so that he couldn't go further.
"What is your problem?" Baekhyun gaped at him, clearly shocked by the failed attack. He had tensed in his seat, not noticing how his friend seemed ready to jump onto Luhan too. "I'm always honest. I loved him, but I don't love him anymore, why would I lie to him?"
"You're a fucking asshole!" Luhan shouted at Baekhyun.
"Luhan, forget it," Sehun begged, although his grip didn't get softer.
Ignoring him, Luhan struggled to be released as Baekhyun got up to keep a safe distance from him. At that point, they had gathered the attention of every customer, as well as the ghostly waiters. That was the reason two seconds later a small woman walked up to them in a hurry, screaming.
"Out of my cafe!" she demanded, shaking Luhan by the shoulder. "You! Out!"
"He's sick."
The lie didn't take Luhan by surprise, since he was conscious he would have to deal with a sharp, defensive mother. She had always detested Luhan, just like his own mother had disliked Minseok and the questionable relationship they had.
Forbidding him to meet Minseok seemed reasonable, at least because Luhan hadn't appeared at their house in two whole years. Even if both families weren't very happy with their sexual orientation, Minseok's mother probably favored Baekhyun: he was charming and belonged to a higher class. Nothing that Luhan could compete against.
"I want to see him either way." Luhan made sure to not stare at the woman's eyes for too long. That would have meant a challenge for her, and even though that was exactly what Luhan needed to do now, she would have rejected him. "I don't mind getting sick."
The woman hesitated for several seconds, taken aback by the answer. If she thought Luhan was being absurd -specially because he was still a stone angel- she didn't give signals of it.
"Mom." A voice piped up from behind, soon followed by her older son who encircled her waist as to move her aside. "Let him in."
Jongdae sent him a sad smile as his mother finally consented, both of them leaving the path free for him. The guy patted the woman's back with affection, silently asking for some privacy, and Luhan took the chance to talk.
"Thanks," he mumbled, sighing almost in relief.
Jongdae just nodded slowly, accepting the gratitude. "Just... don't fuck it up. He's not okay."
Even with the warning, Luhan couldn't have imagined until what point the break-up had upset Minseok. He wasn't ready either to watch Minseok crying for another boy, like the last proof that he had indeed been in love with Baekhyun all this time.
However, as he opened the door of his bedroom and Minseok looked out of the sheets, he realized he couldn't think about himself right then. Not when the other boy was curled up on his bed, red, swollen eyes and chapped lips due to the salt of the tears.
Minseok let out a faint gasp, somehow half scared, half relieved by the guy standing at the door. "Luhan."
Under the vigilance of a sorrowful gaze, he climbed onto the bed, pulling Minseok into his embrace within a second. Though he wasn't sure the crying boy wanted him here, it only took Minseok two seconds to respond at the hug. And two more to start weeping in silence against Luhan's chest, out of both pain and regret: because even after he had been mean to Luhan, he was there to hold him at his worst moment.
He had forgotten how it was like. He had gotten used to Baekhyun's touches as a replacement for all the things Luhan had offered him in his early days, but the past came back to haunt him and he wasn't discontent with it. Luhan's capacity to forgive was anything but admirable, and it was all he needed for now. It didn't matter that the stronger Luhan's grip was around his body, the more likely he was to keep on crying.
"What is this?" mumbled Minseok, his voice muffled between the tears and the suffocating hug. However, he made an effort to detach himself from Luhan's chest so that he could stare up at him and his make-up. Even though it was hard to ignore Luhan's costume, he had been too grateful to process something else besides his arrival. He stroked the bridge of his nose with the index finger, staining himself with gray paint. "What are you?"
Luhan used the moment, Minseok's face unveiled, to wipe away the last tears that fell from his eyes. "An angel."
The other one sobbed hard, for the irony of the costume was too appropriate for Luhan’s current behavior. "Very funny."
"A stone one," the gray-haired boy explained. Deep inside, he could hear the inner thought of Minseok and his typical 'It's Halloween and you should be scary.’ Not a damn angel. "Do you want me to remove it?"
"Please."
Luhan didn't need to be told twice. He untangled himself from Minseok, who laid back again and closed his eyes, and left the room for the bathroom. He used the make-up remover, wondering if it belonged to Minseok's mother or to the boy himself, yet he couldn't do anything about the rest of the costume; the hair and the clothes had to stay put.
By the time he walked back to Minseok's bedroom, his friend was already fast asleep, so he naturally hesitated to step in or not. But then he realized that even if he should close the door and leave because he hadn't asked for permission, he didn't want to. There were a lot of things that Luhan owed to himself, and this was one of them.
He entered, kicking his shoes out, and occupied the empty spot on the bed. Minseok flinched in his sleep as Luhan got under the sheets, sighing, but he didn't have any doubts when he passed an arm over Minseok's waist. He was still tiny, but as he brought their bodies closer, Luhan thought he was also as warm as always.
It wasn't easy to recover the old trust they had in each other. Minseok was distant, a natural trait of his that Luhan had expected to find. It had been always like this for him: he had had to force him to open up with effort and patience, so he knew he could do it once more.
They bonded through small and, sometimes, big confessions. Minseok told him he had fooled around with some drugs due to Baekhyun. He has a lot of money but doesn't know how to spend it, he clarified before apologizing as though Luhan were going to scold him for his mistakes. In return, the blonde was honest about the topic that annoyed Minseok the most: Sehun. He had accepted that the guy had a crush on him, or maybe something else if he believed Minseok and his theory about how he had been captivated since the first day.
Though Minseok wasn't very pleased, he didn't cut the strings with Sehun because he was still his friend. Anyways, he started to pass more time with Minseok, even if the boy himself and his other friends warned he shouldn't. He understood Minseok’s reasons even if he didn’t voice them out, since he didn't want to depend on Luhan like he had done before. But Suho, Chanyeol and Sehun thought it was dangerous because he would end hurt again.
Much to his disgrace, they were right. But Luhan had learned to deal with pain, thus when he spotted Baekhyun in front of Minseok's house one day, he didn't comment on it. The day after, Minseok cried again while admitting he had slept with him, and even though Luhan didn't give signs of being angry, he was. At Minseok because the adoration he felt allowed Baekhyun to take advantage of him, and at the scumbag because he intended to use Minseok for sex now that they had broken up.
Baekhyun showed up days later again, and that time Minseok kicked him out. It didn't mean he had moved on.
At the end, it was worth it for Luhan. Baekhyun became an echoing memory for them both, his friend didn't look back and neither did he. He forgave and forgot, and soon Minseok was his again. Not in the way he longed for, but passing the days with him was enough, watching movies, tucked under blankets or touring the closer towns to find more haunted houses.
A week prior to the Halloween of 2008, Minseok appeared at his house with two costumes. They hadn't talked much about the festivity except to convince Minseok to go to Suho's party, hence Luhan couldn't have been more satisfied with the initiative of wearing couple costumes. The problem was what Minseok had picked.
"Pumpkins?" He laughed, letting himself fall on the kitchen chair. "Too old for that shit."
"Wow, rude. Don't call my ideas 'shit,’” chided Minseok as he extended the clothes over the counter top for exhibition. "This is a must. We're eighteen, so we can still be ridiculous. Especially if you're going to college next year."
There was no reproach in his tone, there never was. At the beginning of senior year, Luhan had decided he would be majoring in English. It didn't suit him, the kid who used to build machines and the teenager who was always fooling around with the technology (the last two phones could prove that), but he liked that new path too. On the other hand, Minseok wasn't interested in attending any university, and to be honest Luhan was worried about him, for he didn't seem to have plans for his future.
"You will be adorable in that," Luhan teased, choosing the exact word to get on Minseok’s nerves. It was an attempt to change the subject, which worked quite well. "Do you want to be adorable?"
The other guy rolled his eyes. "Of course, Luhan. That's what I was thinking about when I came up with this. Totally not thinking about how bad you'd look."
Minseok kissed him at midnight.
There were some reasons that could explain it rather than it being genuine desire. It was true, he had been more affectionate than usual, which Luhan had assumed to be his friends' fault. Chanyeol had slipped a glass into Minseok's hand as soon as they arrived, and the latter had politely drunk it, not minding what was inside.
But then the giggles had become frequent and the hands that stroked Luhan more needy, until the point Minseok dragged him into a corner through lame excuses. He had said it was because of an important secret he had to share, so Luhan complied even if it was to let the drunken Minseok have his fun. Actually, he wasn’t that sober himself, thus anything Minseok asked for sounded good.
Minseok pushed himself against the corner, arms around Luhan's neck. He drew him closer with a sly smirk, removing both of his orange hoodies in order to brush the back of Luhan's hair. Luhan smiled lovingly at him when he sunk his face into the crook of his neck, but the gesture was erased as Minseok breathed into his ear. "A virgin?"
The hot breath sent a shiver down his spine, yet that wasn't what prevented him from answering right away.
He was a virgin, of course. It was normal having into consideration that the only two gay males he knew were out of the question: Minseok had stopped being his friend for a while and Sehun had been infatuated with him. Even if Luhan had known about Sehun's feelings before, he wouldn't have slept with him anyways. He was handsome, but Luhan didn't feel anything deep and that would have given him false hope.
The realization that Minseok wasn't a virgin was heavier now, for it was the only thing in which he seemed to have overtaken Luhan. It was troubling, somehow, while Minseok's fingers ran through his hair and his tone suggested much more.
"Y-yes, why are you asking?" Luhan responded at the end, putting his hands on Minseok's hips to control his own trembling.
Minseok detached from his neck to look up at him, in a perfect angle for Luhan to press his lips against his. Though he was serious, there was an odd shine in his eyes as he met Luhan's stare. "Will you fuck me tonight if I ask you to?"
It felt like a punch right in the guts, the blood spurting everywhere within him and the trails of thoughts collapsing onto a mountain of doubts. Luhan was blank as millions of options crossed his mind: it was a rhetorical question, not a proposition; Minseok was playing him, he had misheard or maybe he was dreaming. Did Minseok felt the same for him? Or did he only want sex?
He couldn't. Even if Minseok shared the kind of love he did, he wouldn't be able to have his first time under the effect of alcohol. Minseok was too important, too special, and the casual way of the question and the choice of crude words showed how little he knew about it. Baekhyun had never treated him the way he deserved, but Luhan wasn't him.
"Minseok... this isn't the right place, nor the right moment and-" He flinched when he spotted the imminent disappointment on his friend's face. "You're drunk, I j-just can't do it."
Much to his surprise, Minseok didn't release him. Instead, he pulled him closer, pressing their foreheads together, nose tips barely touching each other. Luhan hadn't noticed until then, but there was something different in the way Minseok acted; it had a trace of desperation, even fear. And maybe he wasn't the only one, because Minseok measured his words when he repeated the question.
"Will you make love to me tomorrow?" he whispered, begged. Unconsciously, Luhan held him tighter, finally encircling him without panic. "Just one day, once, Luhan. And then we'll pretend nothing happened and everything will be the same. And when you leave for college it won't be that bad for me."
It wasn't enough. Luhan wanted to refuse again, since it didn't sound as good as it should. Why just one day? Because Minseok couldn't bear with another situation: getting into a relationship and then to be separated because Luhan had to study? It was unimaginable. Still, Luhan wished Minseok into his life, completely and every day, not as a fling both of them would have to forget the next day.
"I will."
But it was the only way to love Minseok like he had always dreamt, and to be loved back by him. It didn't matter that it had an expiration date.
"Promise me."
Luhan forced himself to stare into Minseok's eyes until the pain was his too, in a way he couldn't have retracted the decision.
"I promise."
But months later, when Luhan left the town, he could only think about Minseok. About his white, soft thighs that fit so well around him, about the heat of Minseok's insides, comfort moans, hickeys and kisses, about those well shaped lips and the way Minseok looked at him when Luhan muttered his name. It hadn't happened just once; after the first one, it was impossible to forget.
Minseok regretted it as soon as he found himself alone in the town. Luhan was too far and too busy to meet him during the week, and though at first he went back to visit on the weekends, he eventually stopped. Once a month, if Minseok was lucky, he appeared on the doorstep with his usual smile. When the college season ended, Luhan didn't come back either. Summer passed and Minseok wasn't surprised to hear from Luhan's mother that he was dating a guy from his major. It didn't hurt Minseok, for he had realized through texts and calls that Luhan was hiding something from him. Luhan didn't know how to lie.
His father’s letter arrived in September, but Jongdae didn't show him the check until a month later. The money was from a dubious origin, probably illegal matters, and it might not have been right to use it. Jongdae made the decision for them both. The person who had had Minseok mourning him for years was sending it, and almost as a small vengeance toward their father, Jongdae thought he could grant Minseok some happiness. Their father hadn't done anything for them except ruining the family, and they deserved any kind of compensation he could give. It wasn't parenthood, but maybe it was a bit late for that.
Of course, Minseok spent the money to buy the haunted house from the town nearby. It was cheap because no family wanted to live terrified by horror stories, and it was perfect because Minseok knew how to build a business with it. He was an expert in turning the atmosphere dark, which attracted a certain type of tourism. Thus, the house became a home for the brothers, but also their job.
"Not a good idea," Jongdae stated on Halloween, 2012.
There were a ton of reasons why he disapproved of Minseok's plans for the night. One, he would be alone to deal with the fifty customers that had paid to stay the night at the haunted house. Second, Luhan had been pretty insensitive to invite Minseok to a college party. No, insensitive was a short term. Dumb was more appropriate.
"I don't see the problem."
Minseok didn't face him, but Jongdae figured he was rolling his eyes out of stubbornness. Of course, there was no trouble for him as long as Luhan was there. Jongdae needed to make him understand that this time, Luhan wouldn't be there, because showing too much care for Minseok could bother his current boyfriend.
"The problem is, you like him,” Jongdae reminded him, not measuring if he was being harsh or not. “He has a boyfriend now. His boyfriend will be there."
I love him, Minseok corrected in his mind, and that's why I'd like him to be happy. That had been his motto since he had received the call from Luhan, but he wasn't fully convinced yet.
"I'm not ten. I can deal with reality, okay?" Minseok lied, more bitter than he intended to sound.
In fact, he was just forcing himself to face the facts, tired of avoiding the topic. Luhan had moved on and that was nice. He was a twenty-two-year-old surrounded by a thousand guys his age, with his same interests and beliefs, and Minseok had nothing they could be jealous for.
"The second problem, that's not a Halloween costume," Jongdae continued, ignoring his justification. "It's slutty."
That was also true, but Minseok had studied thoroughly his options for that year. He didn't want to be scary, because it was hard to come up with an idea and it was exactly what people expected of him. When he had bought the kitty costume, he hadn't even thought it was that indecent. He didn't realize he looked quite sexy until Jongdae saw him and automatically dropped the pan he was holding.
His brother pouted when Minseok just raised a brow at him. "You behave this way, and then I have to deal with that boy you bring home, that... that..."
"Kyungsoo," Minseok finished, trying not to laugh at the elder's awkwardness.
"Yes, that one."
"I'm not going to bring anyone tonight," he sighed, turning around and putting the coat on. Jongdae followed him in defeat, since he was the one to drive Minseok to the party, for the other didn't have a driving license. "You know it and you know why."
Minseok understood why he had been invited as soon as he stepped into the house. It wasn't a regular college party, even though people still drank and acted dumb. There were only boys, some just dancing and some just drinking, but a good part of them were making out shamelessly.
He was shocked at first, until the realization and the comfort seeped through him. This wasn't a place to hide or worry about people getting offended, but unfortunately that meant that Luhan wasn't going to be shy about his relationship.
Luhan hadn't put a costume on, something that somehow didn't take Minseok by surprise. After all, most of the students hadn't dressed up as anything, and those who did were wearing simple, effortless costumes. Minseok was glad he didn't overdo his, since this way he didn't stand out from the rest.
His friend welcomed him with a suffocating hug, shining eyes and a blinding smile that made Minseok feel bad about himself. He had dyed his hair back to black, and much to his grief, he was more gorgeous than ever: he looked mature and had an imposing bearing that made Minseok's knees weak.
Releasing him, Luhan examined him from head to toe in shock, and a second later he looked away with a blush on his face. Minseok tried to disguise his laugh as a friendly smile for Yixing, who was leaning in to give a greeting kiss on his cheek.
Yixing was cute. Not the usual cute like Kyungsoo or Luhan himself, because he had that natural charm that it didn't matter what he was talking about, he still gave the same vibe. There was only so much that Minseok could put up with in a single night, so soon he isolated himself and left the couple behind.
Roaming around the house, at last he found where the alcohol was, but there was a guy serving it and forbidding some people to approach the kitchen. Something in the way he was shooing away certain drunkards made Minseok think that he was the owner of the house.
"What's with that face?" The fake bartender asked him when he halted in front of him. "Are kitties usually that grumpy?"
Minseok grinned automatically. The stranger was staring at him with a humorous glint in his eyes, a half-smile that suggested he could eat Minseok at any moment, grumpy or not. Drowned in misery, that was enough to lighten his mood.
"It's just... Halloween is worse every year that passes by," Minseok answered sincerely as the guy filled a cup and handed it to him without asking what he wanted.
The stranger licked his lips in hesitation when he accepted the drink. "You're Luhan's friend, Minseok, right?"
A bunch of questions went through his mind. First, who was this who knew and remembered his name? But the most important matter was about Luhan and him. Were they still friends? After everything?
"I guess so," Minseok decided to respond, softly burrowing his eyebrows.
"I'm Jongin," the guy introduced himself.
Minseok beamed up at him, content with the sympathy, but maybe he shouldn't have been. Before he realized, Jongin had planted two kisses on his cheeks, or to be exact on the corner of his lips, touching so much of them that it basically counted as a kiss. Minseok was left dumbfounded for a few seconds, staring at him with wide eyes.
For some reason, his reaction was hilarious to Jongin, who laughed at him unashamedly. "He told me you two had a complicated relationship."
So Luhan and him knew each other to the point Jongin could recognize Minseok without having met him before. Somehow, that troubled him, though it was hard to stay mad when Jongin was smiling down at him.
"For a Language Major, he’s sure short with explanations," Minseok commented, not concealing his mild annoyance.
The boy looked confused for a while, but then he smirked and whispered. "Witty. I didn't imagine you like this."
Minseok couldn't comprehend why it was so easy to talk with Jongin. Usually, he would have run away from any stranger, especially if he complimented him like this. However, running away then probably meant having to talk to Luhan and Yixing sooner or later, and that was way worse than chatting with Jongin.
"Why is that?" Minseok inquired, curious.
From that moment, as if Minseok's interest was a signal, Jongin stopped paying attention to the people who came near the kitchen. Instead, he centered on the shorter male.
"Luhan talks about you as if you were some spoiled brat," he confessed; and perhaps Minseok was paranoid, but he was sure Jongin wasn't supposed to reveal something like that. His tongue darted out to wet his lips in a way Minseok couldn't ignore, thus he found himself looking up from his lips to a mischievous gaze. "I have to differ."
Minseok didn't open his mouth to answer. Jongin was subtle, but the offer was there anyways. Being with Luhan and his boyfriend in the same house, he needed to think about it, even if it was just for a couple of minutes.
Jongin seemed to notice his doubts, because his alluring stare softened a little. "He doesn't love Yixing."
It was an understatement to say Minseok was stunned. Inwardly, he had been conversing with himself about whether Luhan was in love with the other boy or not. It was useless, because he wasn't anyone to judge: his eyes would see what he wished and his mind would interpret the reality in a way that could make him happier. Jongin's words changed it all.
"They seem perfect, they fit together, but neither of them love each other," Jongin added, conscious that it was important information for the other.
Minseok encouraged himself to follow the guy's talk. This was significant for him, regardless of what he would tell himself once this night ended. "How do you know that?"
"Sometimes I'm Luhan's best friend," Jongin shrugged nonchalantly. Sometimes, Minseok repeated within. He didn't understand that specification. "I know what you are to him. Yixing doesn't, and there's a reason for it."
He shook his head in denial, which surprisingly drew a laugh out of Jongin. Even though Minseok smiled a bit at the sound, he still dismissed the possibility. "It doesn't matter to him anymore, though."
"Do you think so?" Jongin quirked a brow at him, uninterested, as his hand grasped the tail of Minseok's costume. He pulled it, dragging Minseok along until they were close enough to smell each other. "I don't know, I've had Yixing crying a few times because Luhan isn't capable of getting emotionally involved. Not enough, at least."
"Anyways, they're dating."
Minseok suspected that Jongin might have been enjoying the hidden argument between the two. He said 'Yes, yes, yes, Luhan loves you' and Minseok responded 'No, no, no'.
"Yes," Jongin whispered, almost coherent with Minseok's stream of consciousness. His eyes seemed to ask if he didn't care at all, if he was disposed to play his game. Minseok responded silently, barely raising his chin as to consent. "And you're cute."
Minseok focused on not panicking. He had done this before, since he had been flirting with Kyungsoo for months. However, Jongin didn't resemble him, for he wasn't timid and he didn’t waste time beating around the bush. He was also handsome, probably younger than him, but still someone that Minseok could easily get intimatewith.
The taller guy passed a hand around his neck as Minseok asked. "Do you like kitties that much?"
It was instantaneous: Jongin smiled, leaned in and left a chaste kiss on his lips, which was clearly a trick for him to yearn for more. "Maybe."
Minseok searched for Luhan's face among the crowd to make sure he wasn't around. Even if his friend was in a relationship with Yixing, he didn't want to be caught getting it on with a stranger. For now, Luhan didn't know that part of him.
"Do you want to make a bet about it?" Jongin continued, serious.
There was a certain comfort in Jongin's arms when Minseok entangled his own around him. They were big and nothing like Luhan's, so he didn't remember him as Jongin trapped his lips with his. The boy kissed his jaw down his neck, slow and hard, and he tried not to whimper at the mere touch.
"What am I winning?" Minseok questioned him, torn between a nervous laugh and a grateful sigh.
"Anything you want."
Although Jongin probably meant it, it was impossible for it to be true. There were a lot of things Minseok needed and no one could give him, but it was okay. He thought it was enough when Jongin hauled him to his bedroom, and he was sure of it by the time Jongin took his clothes off.
He was passionate and attentive, and made Minseok come just with a simple blowjob. But then Jongin hovered over him, still hungry for sex, and he realized he would have to pay back with something different than a blowjob.
It never happened, even though Jongin was hard and Minseok was naked and open-legged. A bang at the door startled both of them, freezing them in their spot, and they didn't move until a familiar voice called for them.
"Get the fuck out of there, Minseok!"
"Fuck!" Jongin cursed automatically, rolling over to free Minseok. He scrambled out of the bed first, so fast that he started to throw Minseok's clothes at him before he could even react. "Get dressed! We were doing nothing, okay? Shit, Luhan's going to end me."
Regardless of the shock, Minseok obeyed him, a slight trembling taking over him just from thinking Luhan was on the other side of the door.
"Then, why were you doing this?" He complained to Jongin as he stumbled to put his pants on.
Jongin was about to answer him when Luhan screamed again. "Minseok! I swear I'm going to break the lock if you don't-"
"Please, Luhan, you're making a scene."
His friend wasn't alone: Yixing was there too, and judging by the tone of his voice, he was crying. Minseok felt like puking the whole dinner and the alcohol, aware of how the situation was going to explode and stain everyone with the remainders. At the sound of Yixing's voice, real concern crossed Jongin's face.
Seconds later, Minseok found himself shoved out of the bedroom, yet he wasn't even brave enough to look up at Luhan and Yixing. The latter sobbed in desperation when Luhan grasped Minseok's wrist and, much to his surprise, started to walk downstairs. Luhan pushed the people away, leaving his boyfriend and Jongin behind, and Minseok was too confused to put a fight against him.
"Wait!" Minseok exclaimed. "Luhan, what-? Where are we going?"
"You're going home."
Luhan's car was only a few streets away from Jongin's house, but it felt like an eternity for both of them. Neither of them talked during the stroll, nor did they once they were inside the car. Luhan drove through the night while Minseok stared out the window, both uninterested and afraid of asking where Luhan was taking him. However, it became clear when Luhan parked the car in front of Minseok’s house, which was already in complete darkness.
The guy didn't move an inch as Minseok turned to look at him, expecting an explanation for his behavior. Unfortunately, Luhan simply gazed at his hands over the steering wheel in what was a clear invitation to abandon his car.
Just then, Minseok realized what his friend intended. He had dragged him out of the party in order to avoid him sleeping with Jongin, but that was all. Then he was going to go back to the house and continue his perfect life as if nothing had happened, leaving Minseok behind like always.
Deciding to confront Luhan about it, he tried to control his nerves as he muttered. "You can't hold me back this way."
He spotted the shaking of Luhan's hands, which gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles went white. Minseok waited, because he knew him enough well to anticipate a reaction. He just had to stay inside the car.
"That's what you do now?" His question resonated inside the car, and Minseok nearly jumped at the loud tone. Luhan's voice was sharper than he had ever heard. "You fuck the first guy you find on your way?"
Although it was subtle, Minseok caught perfectly the amount of rage in his voice. Even if Minseok didn't want Luhan to get mad, fear didn't make him docile. He had grudges against his friend too, and for that reason his accusation seemed unfair.
"You can't hold me like this!" Minseok repeated, provoking Luhan to finally meet his eyes. "Do you want to be living your life while I stay at home waiting for you? Just in case you have the guts to come back?"
It felt unreal for himself as he spat those words at Luhan. He hadn't planned it; he was determined to be smoother with the topic, but his lips moved on their own as soon as he found Luhan's eyes, emotional and watery.
"I'm letting you go!" Luhan blurted out. His eyes widened once he had screamed it, and despite the shock on Minseok's features, he went on with what he had wanted to confess for the last three years since he had left the town. "We are never going further, and it's stupid, and it's only making me hurt."
True terror took over Minseok, yet it wasn't that which pushed him to put a halt to all that nonsense. He couldn't let Luhan think that way, as though it was okay to force himself to forget someone so important in his life. Saying goodbye was a mistake, and Minseok wouldn't have consented to it.
"Don't let me go," Minseok pleaded with him, closing his eyes. Then, inhaling all the air he was able to, he detached Luhan's hands from the steering wheel to squeeze them in his. Luhan was bewildered, for he stared at the intertwined fingers in confusion, yet he would have never imagined what Minseok was going to say. "I love you."
The silence was more revealing than any response, and it took Luhan a long minute to utter a simple word. "What?"
Minseok wasn't nervous. He had been sure of his own feelings for so long that at this point they were encouraging him. However, he hadn't had that certainty about Luhan until Jongin's generosity had thrown them into this situation.
"I know you've waited a lot for me during all these years," Minseok said as he ignored the his friend’s state. "I can't do the same, because I don't want to be your friend and watch how you build a relationship with another guy. I would, but it doesn't feel like you'll come back to me anymore."
Luhan had never been the type to conceal his wishes, so when his look fell on Minseok's lips, he wasn't surprised. The other pressed his hands harder against his, even though he didn't seem aware of it.
"It has been three years," Luhan told him, considering it.
"Yes." Minseok stroked the outline of his jaw, a gesture that unconsciously attracted Luhan forward. It was too easy: he had closed his eyes and Minseok only had to kneel over the seat to reach his lips. He didn't think about why kissing him now was wrong, because it was trivial compared to how important this moment was to him. "Kiss me."
It wasn't the right thing to do, yet Luhan couldn't lie to himself like this; neither could he lie to the people he cared about. It didn't matter how long Luhan tried, Minseok was still the one he truly loved, the first one on the list, the one able to make him cheat on Yixing with two words. It had been this way since he had first met Minseok, when his cheeks were rounder but his eyes were still as sad as they were now. Luhan had dreamt about erasing that grief from him; he had needed to heal his broken heart and fill all those empty spaces of his interior.
He had always wanted Minseok to love him back, but it had almost been a fantasy. He had convinced himself of it once he had left the town, and finding Yixing at the campus during his first day of college had been determining for his sanity.
Luhan just needed Minseok, whether he was miles away or right next to him in the car. Minseok loved him; he wasn't sure when he had started or if it was true at all, but it was enough for him.
"If I kiss you now, I'll never let you go," he decided, grasping Minseok's jaw to pull him closer.
Minseok obeyed to his silent question in a way Luhan didn't predict. The guy graciously passed over the hand brake, slipping away from his seat and onto Luhan's legs. Though it was a bit embarrassing, Luhan felt himself choking when he realized he had Minseok on his lap, staring at him with a half-smile that was both lovely and seductive. From that distance, he could decipher even the deepest secret in his eyes.
"Kiss me," Minseok repeated, and this time Luhan didn't hesitate to grant his order.