If you could meet any famous person and smack them in the head with a large trout, who would it be?

[benton_fraser]

At the age of ten I was struck in the shoulder with a dead otter by a schoolyard bully.

In addition to being more painful than one might imagine -- certainly more painful than I had imagined, although I'd like to believe I would have stepped forward and attempted to reason with the other boy either way -- it was a singularly shaming experience,

Comments

[ray__k]

I think this question is just for the freaks and not the kinda freak you are, Fraser. The kinda freak I am. The kinda freak who'd love to hit someone with a trout.

I was gonna say I'd hit Carlos Zambrano, but now you made me feel bad about it. Freak.

[benton_fraser]

Answer as you see fit, Ray. I'm given to understand the question is hypothetical. Relinquish your morals at will.

[ray__k]

Of course it's hypothetical. It's not they're handin' me a fish and sayin' "Here, buddy, choose your victim", right?

Zambrano's got enough problems without me wantin' to hit him with a trout.

[benton_fraser]

It's a slippery slope, Ray.

I should say so. And given his current plight a threat, hypothetical or not, made via the internet might not go unnoticed.

[ray__k]

You're right, Fraser. Good thing I got you to stop me from slidin' down it, huh? Who knows where I'd be without you. I'd be whackin' people with fish all over the place.

I don't think of any other famous person I'd wanna hit with anything. Maybe Bruce Willis.

[benton_fraser]

Bruce Willis? John McClane, Ray? May I ask why?

[ray__k]

He kicks ass. All the time. It makes real cops look bad. I'm no John McClane, Frase. I'm a regular Joe with a gun and handcuffs.

Now, James Bond ... I can get behind that.

[benton_fraser]

But you do, Ray. You... do the same. Quite often.

Not the new fellow, I trust.

[ray__k]

I don't kick ass the way McClane kicks ass. You see me tangling with Russian spies or whatever the hell Alan Rickman played?

Oh ... well, I guess there was that one time with the Russian spies.

No, Connery-Bond. Just Connery.

[benton_fraser]

Yes, there was. You also have a number of snappy catchphrases. I believe you could hold your own with Mr. McClane.

Agreed. Needless to say.

[ray__k]

Like 'put the gun down or I'll kick you in the head'?

Brosnan's not the worst, though.

[benton_fraser]

It's really very intimidating, Ray.

Oh, I believe I'd have to disagree. Although I really didn't care for George Lazenby.

[ray__k]

That's why I do it.

Lazenby sucked. So did Dalton.

[benton_fraser]

Perhaps I could do with an intimidating catchphrase.

I liked The Living Daylights.

[ray__k]

Like what? Oh, hey, you could steal from McClane and just go around sayin 'Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker'.

Dalton sucked.

[benton_fraser]

... no, I don't believe I could.

So he did, Ray.