maybe i am still unsure of the way world works around me.
21 years old.
i used to be so impatient about reaching this age. i used to imagine that by 21, i am an independant girl living away from family doing things that i want without getting scold, coming home late without being questioned and living la vida loca with my friends, etc etc. but now, now that i'm already here, there's so many things to be done, so many things to do sometimes it's suffocating.
you have to take care everything by yourself. your bills, your rent, your food. heck, sometimes i skip meals for four-days straight trying to finish my projects because running up and down the stairs to buy food is apparently too tiring and takes too much time. and you're always rushing. there's no more time to spend in front of the television watching cartoons, or staying up all night finishing all sixteen episodes of your favorite korean dramas. i don't even follow up with what's new on korean stuff anymore. you are becoming a person that curses a lot, with less politeness in your language and your sarcasms hurts those around you but you don't care because you know they deserved it and they reciprocates, just the same. words that would get you scoldings by your parents and other elders if it was ten years ago now become your everyday vocabulary.
what does being 21 year old lady means?
i miss lazing around all day in bed doing nothing, worrying about nothing, opening the fridge without calculating the food stock i need to buy later, travelling with my parents in the car and sleep without worrying about the gas or finding the right way to the destination. i miss going out with friends while dressing sloppily without thinking about what others would think about us or if my makeup are too heavy or does my dress fit the event. i miss reading my favorite novels again and again and cry again and again when the characters died or when i reached the happy endings. i miss the time when reports only means to write your noisy friends' names and pass it to your teacher. i miss running around in the open field with my brother flying kites and jumping into the cold streams, fishing and find some birds to be shot by your slingshot.
where have my years of innocence has gone?
what does being an adult means? does it mean chasing the deadlines to your reports and projects and assignments? does it means filling your weekends with mundane activities that could help you to put good points into your CV and make sure you can do your internship in best companies? does it mean to stop being childish and start being all serious about your life?
if that is so, does it mean i have to stop being me, and start being someone else?
does it means being an adult is nothing but a choice we have to deal with sooner or later?
12 days and 21 years old me, and i'm starting to be afraid of the person i am going to grow up to be.
i used to be so impatient about reaching this age. i used to imagine that by 21, i am an independant girl living away from family doing things that i want without getting scold, coming home late without being questioned and living la vida loca with my friends, etc etc. but now, now that i'm already here, there's so many things to be done, so many things to do sometimes it's suffocating.
you have to take care everything by yourself. your bills, your rent, your food. heck, sometimes i skip meals for four-days straight trying to finish my projects because running up and down the stairs to buy food is apparently too tiring and takes too much time. and you're always rushing. there's no more time to spend in front of the television watching cartoons, or staying up all night finishing all sixteen episodes of your favorite korean dramas. i don't even follow up with what's new on korean stuff anymore. you are becoming a person that curses a lot, with less politeness in your language and your sarcasms hurts those around you but you don't care because you know they deserved it and they reciprocates, just the same. words that would get you scoldings by your parents and other elders if it was ten years ago now become your everyday vocabulary.
what does being 21 year old lady means?
i miss lazing around all day in bed doing nothing, worrying about nothing, opening the fridge without calculating the food stock i need to buy later, travelling with my parents in the car and sleep without worrying about the gas or finding the right way to the destination. i miss going out with friends while dressing sloppily without thinking about what others would think about us or if my makeup are too heavy or does my dress fit the event. i miss reading my favorite novels again and again and cry again and again when the characters died or when i reached the happy endings. i miss the time when reports only means to write your noisy friends' names and pass it to your teacher. i miss running around in the open field with my brother flying kites and jumping into the cold streams, fishing and find some birds to be shot by your slingshot.
where have my years of innocence has gone?
what does being an adult means? does it mean chasing the deadlines to your reports and projects and assignments? does it means filling your weekends with mundane activities that could help you to put good points into your CV and make sure you can do your internship in best companies? does it mean to stop being childish and start being all serious about your life?
if that is so, does it mean i have to stop being me, and start being someone else?
does it means being an adult is nothing but a choice we have to deal with sooner or later?
12 days and 21 years old me, and i'm starting to be afraid of the person i am going to grow up to be.