You Might Be A Scientist If
Hello hello now. Its been ages since I have updated this thing because I have more important things to do than entertain you monsters. However, since i have received more complaints for not updating than blowjobs in the last year (i have had 2 complaints. Woot. Go me.), i will bring you yet another slathering of poorly articulated feces to enjoy. Alas, a backstory to make sure this is less funny.
"So i was at work one day thinking about how much I dont actually want to be a scientist because I dont want to accept the fact that I am a dork and Hey! Whaddya know. I already failed that one". So, i was at work friday and thought up of all these pretty scientist jokes for you guys. Your welcome. Stop complaining.
YOU MIGHT BE A SCIENTIST IF:
1.) If you think you look good in white.
2.) If you think people are laughing with you.
3.) If your glasses can double as a telescope.
4.) If your pocket protector weighs more than your wallet.
5.) If you have a microscope light on your nightstand.
6.) If you have a picture of Charles Darwin above a picture of your grandmother in your living room.
7.) If you’ve ever used a graphing calculator at a fancy restaurant to figure out your tip.
8.) If you have ever used a Kimwipe to blow your nose.
9.) If you made sure your kids’ names could be spelled using the periodic table.
10.) if you are the only person in America who doesn’t actually realize they hate their job.
11.) If you read the dictionary in your spare time.
12.) You might be a scientist if you’re the only person who laughs at your own jokes.
13.) You can actually understand what is written in the American Journal of Medicine.
14.) You own the Miracle of Life… on DVD and Blu Ray.
15.) If you think NPR is a classic rock station.
16.) If you still wear the tighy whities your mother bought you senior year of high school.
17.) If you can determine the weight of any compound using mass spectrometry but still don’t know how to change the oil in your car.
18.) If you’ve ever worn your own lab coat and goggles to a costume party.
19.) You might be a scientist if you prefer to sprinkle monosodium glutamate on your French fries instead of sodium chloride.
20.) If you’ve ever sat your wife down and discussed with her that it might finally be the right time to start propagating the species.
21.) Your idea of reality television is watching the Discovery Channel.
22.) Your friends’ nickname for you is the Encyclopedia Britannica.
23.) If you ride a road bike on the weekends with your coworkers in matching spandex with your company’s logo on it, and your company doesn’t actually sponsor you.
24.) If every person you have ever met you believe to be a pseduointellectual.
25.) If you sleep at night with Nitrile gloves on, out of force of habit.
26.) If you were born in America but think in Metric.
27.) If you surprised your kids on Christmas with season passes… to the Smithsonian.
28.) If you have more letters in acronyms after your name than you have letters in your actual name.
29.) If you have male pattern baldness… and you’re a woman.
30.) If your wife and kids ask you to leave before their friends come over.
31.) If you’ve ever applied the scientific method to your love making sessions, just to find that you’ve proven your own null hypothesis.
32.) If actually know what the hell pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism is, and not just that it pertains to a person who is almost almost ready to have a under performing thyroid.
33.) If you’ve ever used a micropipettor to get just the right amount of cream into your coffee.
34.) If you prefer your wife to wear her bunny suit instead of her birthday suit before you make love.
35.) If you took the time to name all 500 of your lab rats but forgot to name your own children.
36.) If you prefer mental masturbation to the real thing.
37.) If you have only ever made love in the missionary position because you are afraid to deviate from standard operating protocol.
38.) If you find Jeff Foxworthy at all funny.
Har de har har. So funny. Im laughing so hard that one of my kidneys just burst, but if I show this to a doctor before he operates on me, Hell prolly replace my blown kidney with a worn down tire from a used 1987 ford probe. If you know any scientists show this to them it might make them laugh perhaps once, no more than twice.
"So i was at work one day thinking about how much I dont actually want to be a scientist because I dont want to accept the fact that I am a dork and Hey! Whaddya know. I already failed that one". So, i was at work friday and thought up of all these pretty scientist jokes for you guys. Your welcome. Stop complaining.
YOU MIGHT BE A SCIENTIST IF:
1.) If you think you look good in white.
2.) If you think people are laughing with you.
3.) If your glasses can double as a telescope.
4.) If your pocket protector weighs more than your wallet.
5.) If you have a microscope light on your nightstand.
6.) If you have a picture of Charles Darwin above a picture of your grandmother in your living room.
7.) If you’ve ever used a graphing calculator at a fancy restaurant to figure out your tip.
8.) If you have ever used a Kimwipe to blow your nose.
9.) If you made sure your kids’ names could be spelled using the periodic table.
10.) if you are the only person in America who doesn’t actually realize they hate their job.
11.) If you read the dictionary in your spare time.
12.) You might be a scientist if you’re the only person who laughs at your own jokes.
13.) You can actually understand what is written in the American Journal of Medicine.
14.) You own the Miracle of Life… on DVD and Blu Ray.
15.) If you think NPR is a classic rock station.
16.) If you still wear the tighy whities your mother bought you senior year of high school.
17.) If you can determine the weight of any compound using mass spectrometry but still don’t know how to change the oil in your car.
18.) If you’ve ever worn your own lab coat and goggles to a costume party.
19.) You might be a scientist if you prefer to sprinkle monosodium glutamate on your French fries instead of sodium chloride.
20.) If you’ve ever sat your wife down and discussed with her that it might finally be the right time to start propagating the species.
21.) Your idea of reality television is watching the Discovery Channel.
22.) Your friends’ nickname for you is the Encyclopedia Britannica.
23.) If you ride a road bike on the weekends with your coworkers in matching spandex with your company’s logo on it, and your company doesn’t actually sponsor you.
24.) If every person you have ever met you believe to be a pseduointellectual.
25.) If you sleep at night with Nitrile gloves on, out of force of habit.
26.) If you were born in America but think in Metric.
27.) If you surprised your kids on Christmas with season passes… to the Smithsonian.
28.) If you have more letters in acronyms after your name than you have letters in your actual name.
29.) If you have male pattern baldness… and you’re a woman.
30.) If your wife and kids ask you to leave before their friends come over.
31.) If you’ve ever applied the scientific method to your love making sessions, just to find that you’ve proven your own null hypothesis.
32.) If actually know what the hell pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism is, and not just that it pertains to a person who is almost almost ready to have a under performing thyroid.
33.) If you’ve ever used a micropipettor to get just the right amount of cream into your coffee.
34.) If you prefer your wife to wear her bunny suit instead of her birthday suit before you make love.
35.) If you took the time to name all 500 of your lab rats but forgot to name your own children.
36.) If you prefer mental masturbation to the real thing.
37.) If you have only ever made love in the missionary position because you are afraid to deviate from standard operating protocol.
38.) If you find Jeff Foxworthy at all funny.
Har de har har. So funny. Im laughing so hard that one of my kidneys just burst, but if I show this to a doctor before he operates on me, Hell prolly replace my blown kidney with a worn down tire from a used 1987 ford probe. If you know any scientists show this to them it might make them laugh perhaps once, no more than twice.