For Now I've Decided To Die

[benjamincurley]

This should be the happiest day of my life, but it is the worst day of my life. Marching band is all but over and I finally got to fulfill my dream of performing. Those few moments of ecstasy while I was on stage just make this day so much worse because I have to put the ultimate high against the lowest low. It just figures that today of all days would be the worst day ever. The day I've been dreaming of for years been praying for it to happen and it ends like this. I start the day of going to Matt's house to pick him up for school, and I like to consider myself a good friend so when he is late I accept that and wait for him but then my mom and brother bitch me out for it. Well I get to Matt's and all I hear is yelling, Mellisa missed the bus and Matt is having major troubles. Well I get into the car and hear my brother complain all the way to school saying "You bend over backwards for Matt, you know what that makes you his bitch." I was about ready to rip his head off, but I refrained. Then school was just screwed up today, and then we get to the parade which was boring beyond belief. After school I get yelled at about eight times about taking my dad's acoustic guitar and taking the keyboard for the show that night. Then it goes to football game time, halftime we are standing out on the field and as we start to play "You Are So Beautiful" my pocket starts going crazy because Stephanie called me. Then after halftime I go and meet Felkey, Steph, and Steve. That is when I find out that Matt's bassist canceled, the last of his band to still want to do the show, and were not playing. Over the next few hours I am running around and were doing the song then were not doing the song, ect, ect, ect. Finally were doing the song and that was the happiest I've been since last December. "But Ben" I pretend you say, "That aint great but not worthy of a worst day ever." Well I left one thing out, I realized that there are there Stephanies. The one I remember from last winter, the one I had built up in my mind, and the one I met today. Wait, I know I'm a hypocrite. I've been trying to change myself so hard and I have to expect others will to. It's just I never expected this and I don't like it. This Stephanie I met today made me feel sick to my stomach. Look Steph if you are reading this . . . God I don't know. I went out to my car for a little while and if I could cry I would have. It really sucks to have a break down and not be able to cry. Man I just feel like shit.
Till next time,
Ben

P.S. Elizabeth thank you for sticking around at the dance, and always talking first.