what would you think of me now?
jill,
what would you think of me now? would you be proud of all my accomplishments? what wise words would you have said on my graduation? would you applaud my so-called teaching career, celebrate my growth or comment on the movement into the so-called real world? would you think me more mature? would i be a better, grown, person in your eyes? would i be the special neice that you always acted like i was (only one of two neices)? how changed i am from the last time you saw me. would it be a good change if you met me now? how would you have reacted to my new car? would you approve of steve? i think you would have. you would have liked him like kathy does. what would you think of jim and his two twin girls? what would your impressions of scott? of john engaged to miranda? would you think your family was successful? i can almost hear your congratulating joe on his strength through his hard times and telling him, "well, you just have to keep perserving". your brows would have knitted together at the story of joe and his last job. you would have shook your head in total disbelief. your wrinkles on your forehead would have deepened.
what would you have said of liam and julia? i can almost see you with your grandchildren gathered around you, you as the adoring grandmother. i can hear you ask about how tim and ezra and carrie were doing and hope too that they came to st louis. i can hear you get excited at each new person who came in that door, saying each person's name as if they were the most special in the world. i can see your intent face and intent eyes what each person had to say. i can see mom and you cooking in the kitchen and both of you laughing. i can see you laughing still.
would we sing more faithfully if you were here - all those folk songs that you loved so much? i can still see you smiling so broadly and singing so passionately, belting it out with mom and kathy close behind to "If I Had A Hammer" and "Blowin' In the Wind" and "Jamaica Farewell". Some of us would sing just as loudly. It was so comforting to hear mom and kathy and you sing - as if the world was right again. Fall brought so many changes each year...and everything was set right by november when we sang our usual songs.
what would you think of the elections? would you think dad's new passion for politics amusing or inspiring or just annoying? would you think your neice's criticism of the church is interesting? what would you think of the catholic church now? would you laugh? would you cry?
there's so many changes. there's casimir and shabir and julia and ezra and Liam that you never met. there's jim's two little ones, too. you never got to meet krysten or steve. what would you think of krysten? would you approve of jeff's choice? would you have liked meredith better? would you think jeff is crazy or doing the right thing?
there are times when it's so hard to think you aren't here to see me or any of us so grown up. i was just a sophomore when i last saw you....that january. i wish you could see me now. i don't know what you would think of me...but i still wish you could see me. meet steve. offer advice about teaching and perserverance. be the wise, loving, enthusiastic, amazing, and caring aunt you always were. and singing aunt, too. the one who always had the response, "well, you can do it." yes, we can. if you did it, we certainly can.
it will be another thanksgiving without you. i guess the pain is eased, but it never goes away, does it? at a time when i am surrounded by the comfort of voices and faces i have grown up with...i still can't help but reflect about the people who won't be there..especially you. we'll walk for you..and maybe try to sing too. and when the going gets rough, ill think of you and what you would have said. do me a favor though - send mom and kathy some love. they need it. and i bet they are already missing you too.
lots of love,
sarah
what would you think of me now? would you be proud of all my accomplishments? what wise words would you have said on my graduation? would you applaud my so-called teaching career, celebrate my growth or comment on the movement into the so-called real world? would you think me more mature? would i be a better, grown, person in your eyes? would i be the special neice that you always acted like i was (only one of two neices)? how changed i am from the last time you saw me. would it be a good change if you met me now? how would you have reacted to my new car? would you approve of steve? i think you would have. you would have liked him like kathy does. what would you think of jim and his two twin girls? what would your impressions of scott? of john engaged to miranda? would you think your family was successful? i can almost hear your congratulating joe on his strength through his hard times and telling him, "well, you just have to keep perserving". your brows would have knitted together at the story of joe and his last job. you would have shook your head in total disbelief. your wrinkles on your forehead would have deepened.
what would you have said of liam and julia? i can almost see you with your grandchildren gathered around you, you as the adoring grandmother. i can hear you ask about how tim and ezra and carrie were doing and hope too that they came to st louis. i can hear you get excited at each new person who came in that door, saying each person's name as if they were the most special in the world. i can see your intent face and intent eyes what each person had to say. i can see mom and you cooking in the kitchen and both of you laughing. i can see you laughing still.
would we sing more faithfully if you were here - all those folk songs that you loved so much? i can still see you smiling so broadly and singing so passionately, belting it out with mom and kathy close behind to "If I Had A Hammer" and "Blowin' In the Wind" and "Jamaica Farewell". Some of us would sing just as loudly. It was so comforting to hear mom and kathy and you sing - as if the world was right again. Fall brought so many changes each year...and everything was set right by november when we sang our usual songs.
what would you think of the elections? would you think dad's new passion for politics amusing or inspiring or just annoying? would you think your neice's criticism of the church is interesting? what would you think of the catholic church now? would you laugh? would you cry?
there's so many changes. there's casimir and shabir and julia and ezra and Liam that you never met. there's jim's two little ones, too. you never got to meet krysten or steve. what would you think of krysten? would you approve of jeff's choice? would you have liked meredith better? would you think jeff is crazy or doing the right thing?
there are times when it's so hard to think you aren't here to see me or any of us so grown up. i was just a sophomore when i last saw you....that january. i wish you could see me now. i don't know what you would think of me...but i still wish you could see me. meet steve. offer advice about teaching and perserverance. be the wise, loving, enthusiastic, amazing, and caring aunt you always were. and singing aunt, too. the one who always had the response, "well, you can do it." yes, we can. if you did it, we certainly can.
it will be another thanksgiving without you. i guess the pain is eased, but it never goes away, does it? at a time when i am surrounded by the comfort of voices and faces i have grown up with...i still can't help but reflect about the people who won't be there..especially you. we'll walk for you..and maybe try to sing too. and when the going gets rough, ill think of you and what you would have said. do me a favor though - send mom and kathy some love. they need it. and i bet they are already missing you too.
lots of love,
sarah