Conflicted

[benefitz]

There are different parts of myself that cry out to be expressed, and I don't know how to reconcile them. I feel that to really express these things requires a level of commitment and dedication that leads to the sort of quandary I described in my last post, namely that you can't do all of them. But when I choose one, I feel restless, like the

Comments

[katealaurel]

I don't know that I can necessarily offer any cogent ideas, but I certainly identify with the problem. [In a nutshell: I'm constantly torn between academia, which I love, and effecting more concrete change in the modern world, which I also love, and think might be more important.] It's a bit of a fox-vs-hedgehog problem: you've got disparate interests (fox) but want to be very good at them and pursue them deeply (hedgehog). And.. well, there's a limit to the amount of focused attention, practice, and pursuit that any given person can offer their interests at any given time

[troglodyteking]

I didn't think of the hedgehog and fox issue (Berlin's books is really good, too), but it is really applicable. The metaphor that came to my mind is the idea of 'Jack of All Trades, Master of None'. There is time and energy enough to do a lot of things decently, or a smaller subset really well. So people can do more things decently than others, or a larger subset really well, but ultimately the limits of our species (at least as we conventionally function) put a stop to how much one can do.

I think I'd say that the core problem here is that you, benefitz, are really attached to the idea of being really good at several things. Sort of a variation of perfectionism, maybe? So I'd say that you probably should be working on your thinking patterns, not that I know how to do that effectively. Do piano and performance, but just try to realize and reconcile yourself to only 'mastering' one of them. You can still be a really good jack at all sorts of things. Do you think you could be happy with that

[benefitz]

The jack of all trades, master of none notion has been very much on my mind. That realization is what got me started on trying to focus and do fewer things, and that was back in 2002 or so. I will not be satisfied with the master of none part. So I'm trying to specialize. But I have such a hard time letting go of the others. Your ideas of delaying gratification, trading off, etc. are totally things I've been thinking of. But whenever I think I've come to peace with it, I write some wangsty post like this. Thanks for the thoughts.

[benefitz]

Thank you for the thoughts. The idea of finding or creating a discipline that allows me to combine everything is something that has been in my mind for a while. I think Serious Hobby is probably more likely though

[ext_128701]

hmmm...it´s a pretty common feeling, people dream of that, what they don´t have. And the value of what seems to be fail is mostly overrated.
i always keep in my mind some economical principles of limited resources (time!)to make a decision and for a short time - peace of mind. People have to choose anyway.
Maybe it's better to be a bit unsatisfied with things you do, cause satisfaction leads particularly to stagnation (in self-development).

[benefitz]

Out of curiosity, do we know each other? How'd you find my blog?

[ext_128701]

no, we don't. i'm aigul. i have just seen your blog among the latest posts.