Sometimes...

[bendy698]

It's been a while since I updated. I'm around, I promise. I have been doing ok most of the the time, but honestly not completely. I have alot of tricks and things to think of that help me out alot, not to menation people who care and are always there which I appreciate. I wasn't feeling so great today. I had a bad nightmare lastnight and I felt as I had relived some horrible experiences that obviously I havn't put to rest. I've tried hard to put it all behind me, but everytime I feel the most comfortable and relaxed it sneaks up on me again. Its hard for me to pretend things never happened especially when they involve someone who I honestly do care about. I guess what I'm saying is that I have a hard time with fighting between keeping the good memories that I would never dream of giving up, without being hurt by them. I promised I would care and be there. This person made me feel special in a way that can't be compared to anything I've ever experienced. Now, I'm going to have to try even harder to do this on my own. One thing is for certain. I DO want her in my life somehow because she is very important to me. I'm still so confused as to what happend to be able to fully understand how to think. I thought it was "perfect" but my concept of that has been shattered and I'm not sure I can even trust how I feel.

Thanks once again to all that have helped. I appreciate it more than I can express. I just really needed to vent, and may need to again to let these feeligns out. Be back later.