an apology
That entry right below this one there is so fucked up. It's got to be the ugliest thing I've ever written, in every way. I hate it. But I will leave it on my LJ as a scar, a reminder, for me to wear and whenever I feel like fucking myself up again I can read it and realize the horrible decisions fucking myself up gets me to make. I'm sorry. To everyone. I'd really like to say I'm sorry because I don't think I said it before but I feel like I need to say it now I'm truly sorry. If you want more from me, give me a call or something please it will help things out. This goes out to everyone who reads or has read my LJ I think but yeah I guess it's directed toward a couple different people in particular. You know who you are and if you don't, then I *really* need to have a talk with you.
My grandma has cancer. Again. Only this time it took the form of four fucking tumors in her brain. So yeah I suppose this sounds stupid but even if you don't believe in the whole "Jesus is our saviour" thing I'd truly appreciate if you prayed for her or something in your own way whatever you like to do. My grandma's a really cool woman and she's had a big effect on my life and I don't like seeing what's happening to her happen to her... she called me "Jeff" as she was leaving the other night and that's my uncle. She's like 80something but before all this shit struck she was unbelievably sharp mentally, she's not some senile old lady she's really intelligent she used to be a chemist and a language enthusiast and stuff I mean she knows about a gazillion puns in English, French and German and I'm sure some other languages too and but the point is it's extremely weird seeing her like this and it's not fun :( So yeah I have faith that she can overcome it and I want her to.
In any case... yeah again I'm sorry. I fucked a lot of shit up and I've decided I want to fix it. I suppose it's too late. But I'll start now anyway. Maybe it will take a few months to assess and repair all the damage but yeah I'd like to do my part. See youse guys soon...
My grandma has cancer. Again. Only this time it took the form of four fucking tumors in her brain. So yeah I suppose this sounds stupid but even if you don't believe in the whole "Jesus is our saviour" thing I'd truly appreciate if you prayed for her or something in your own way whatever you like to do. My grandma's a really cool woman and she's had a big effect on my life and I don't like seeing what's happening to her happen to her... she called me "Jeff" as she was leaving the other night and that's my uncle. She's like 80something but before all this shit struck she was unbelievably sharp mentally, she's not some senile old lady she's really intelligent she used to be a chemist and a language enthusiast and stuff I mean she knows about a gazillion puns in English, French and German and I'm sure some other languages too and but the point is it's extremely weird seeing her like this and it's not fun :( So yeah I have faith that she can overcome it and I want her to.
In any case... yeah again I'm sorry. I fucked a lot of shit up and I've decided I want to fix it. I suppose it's too late. But I'll start now anyway. Maybe it will take a few months to assess and repair all the damage but yeah I'd like to do my part. See youse guys soon...