my life became a mockery...

[bemyanchor]

it's getting to a point where things have become rediculous. i keep thinking that i have things sorted out, and sometimes it really seems like i do. i just don't know why i keep falling into the same habits. it's like, i've met a bunch of nice girls, they're nice, cute, funny, but there's something in my head that keeps telling me to get the fuck out of there. it's crazy. i'm crazy. why can't i just trust other people? just let them know what the fuck is going on in my head? it's fucked up that you still get to me. i don't even know why. i don't like you at all, i don't like anything about you anymore. everything that i loved about you is gone. it doesn't exist. i think i just built it up in my head to rationalize why we were together for so long. what the fuck was i thinking? what the fuck where you thinking? i keep writing these lyrics to get myself back on track, get out of this funk i'm in. but nothing changes. i write a song and i think "this is it, this is the last song i'm going to write about it". and it feels like it will be. but then the words just keep coming. the songs keep coming. and nothing changes. it's different words, it's different music, but the message is still there, following me, haunting my every move. and i know it's not you anymore, i know for the most part you have nothing to do with it. it's me, there's something inside of me that won't let me stop feeling this way. it's like....i don't even know how to describe it. it's not an emptiness, that's not it at all. it's like...a...fuck...i don't know, a feeling as tho there's something else, like inside of me.

oh for fuck's sake, i need a therapist.

xoxo