Admiring Miss Manners

[bemused_leftist]

A comment I posted elsewhere got elegantly snubbed in the best Miss Manners style. I wonder if MM has written anything on the etiquette a LJ snubbee should use in such a situation.

Anyway, here is my comment. context redacted.

I agree with you about the comments [at a non-LJ site]. I think Miss Manners does a

Comments

[lyonesse]

when do you think it's appropriate to discuss privilege and/or racism? who do you think should decide?

[bemused_leftist]

Depends. But subject of discussion is one thing -- and manner of discussion is another.

[lyonesse]

isn't that itself an issue of tone?

[bemused_leftist]

Long live tone!

[voxwoman]

Suzette Hayden-Elgin wrote a pile of books about verbal self-defense that can be used effectively in all of these examples of verbal abuse (which is what you are describing).

[bemused_leftist]

I love her books! I don't recall her giving counters to the things I described -- but, hm, she must have, some, because I think I got the boss and his grandchldren from her. Most of her counters that I recall, were what for you to say -- but first you have to get a chance to get a word in edgewise. Maybe I need to re-read the books.

My instinct in most of those situations comes from Miss Manners: to disengage asap with that person, perhaps forever. With the solicitor, hang up. With the boss, go into business for myself instead. ;-)

Btw Elgin has a wonderful blog here, ozarque.livejournal.com, with lots of deep discussions by a good group of commentators. At least a few years ago; later she went inactive because of health problems, but the archives are still very worth going through.

[voxwoman]

Her blog could have been where we "met", LOL. I followed her for years.