Admiring Miss Manners

Dec 08, 2013 14:29

A comment I posted elsewhere got elegantly snubbed in the best Miss Manners style. I wonder if MM has written anything on the etiquette a LJ snubbee should use in such a situation.

Anyway, here is my comment. context redacted.

I agree with you about the comments [at a non-LJ site]. I think Miss Manners does a
wonderful job of showing how, in their original context, even things that
seem to us as fussy and too formal, really do work to save people's
feelings and prevent awkwardness. And she shows us what can help in our
own contexts.

There is a place where some people's natural courtesy can be exploited.
For example, a telephone solicitor deliberately talks in a way that
leaves you no polite way to disengage. Some people get really upset about
what to do; their good manners keep them from simply hanging up!

Some 'people in power' use that sort of technique too, for the purpose of
keeping their power or silencing dissent. The boss who spends a private
conference time talking about his grandchildren, then says "Well, I can't
spend all morning on this" -- without ever letting the employee talk
about why she deserves a raise. Body language to sweep someone out the
door before she can finish her question. Politicians at a meeting. People
who use crazy exaggerations to which there is NO polite reply -- so
you're silenced. That's the people on top abusing the situation.

People supposedly on the bottom abuse it too. Rude language, insulting
anyone who uses 'The Tone Argument', throwing around terms like
'priviledge' and 'racism'. Attacking any attempt by 'priviledged' people
to be nice, to reach out for consensus.
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