Business and Pleasure (J2, Adult) 5/5
“I’m not sure you’ll be able to see very many stars in New York City,” Jared says. “Or, at least not the kind that are in the sky. But I hope you find whatever it is that you really want.”
Jensen looks down at the cover of the book, suddenly seeing a lot more in the gift than he had just sixty seconds ago. “You remember that?”
Jared’s mouth tightens into a small, unhappy smile. “Of course I do. You never forget the one that gets away, right?”
“What? I thought - I didn’t even think you knew my name then,” Jensen objects.
Jared laughs. “It may have escaped your notice, Jensen, but you’re easily the best-looking employee that’s ever been on the payroll here. Trust me, I made sure I knew exactly who you were.”
Jensen suddenly feels like he isn’t get enough air, head spinning from the rapid transitions between anger, shock, and disbelief. “But - you never said anything. When I interviewed for the job as your assistant, you acted like you didn’t even know me.”
Jared shrugs. “Wounded pride. It’s not like I was going to remind you that you’d totally rejected me.”
“I thought you were just drunk and horny!” Jensen says defensively. “I thought you were just settling for the first willing body you found.”
Jared just laughs again and shakes his head. “I was drunk and horny, but believe me, I knew exactly who I was seducing. It just didn’t go the way I’d planned.” He pauses for a second, then says in a low voice, “I’ve wanted you ever since you walked through the door, Jensen. I just didn’t think the feeling was mutual.”
Jensen sinks down into a chair without really meaning to, his knees suddenly unsteady for some reason, but he goes with it, his brain busy trying to process every twist and turn this conversation has taken. It’s hard enough to learn he had the holiday party all twisted in his mind, and trying to untangle the fact and fiction of that night alone is already giving him a headache. But now, Jared saying he’s wanted him all these years and thought Jensen didn’t want him? It’s almost too much to take in.
Jensen presses his fingers to his temples, attempting to massage away the pressure of the million thoughts swirling through his mind. Everything is so convoluted and murky that it’s hard to think through the haze, and Jensen almost can’t believe any of this is actually happening. Well, he thinks absently, none of it would be if he and Jared hadn’t started this whole fake-relationship thing in the first place, and then moved on to -
“Wait,” Jensen says sharply. “You said you’ve wanted me this whole time, but you’ve never made any moves until this whole fake-dating thing. It wasn’t - you didn’t - ?”
“I didn’t plan it,” Jared hastily assures him. “I mean, I did plan little things, little tests to find out if you wanted me, too.” One side of his mouth quirks. “Sorry about the gin and tonic on your jeans, by the way. But choosing you in the first place - no, that was just spontaneity.”
Jensen barely has time to process that thought (not to mention go over their entire relationship to figure out exactly what those little “tests” were ) when Jared drops into the chair next to his and says earnestly, “But, God, Jensen, if I’d known you did want me, we could have - “
Jensen thinks about brushing it off, just a shrug and a laugh and a missed opportunity, but Jared is being painfully honest with him, and it seems only fair to do the same. “It wouldn’t have changed anything,” he says softly. “It - I wanted you, yeah, but I wouldn’t have.”
Jared frowns. “Why not?”
Jensen takes a deep breath. “Because I was in love with you.”
There’s a long moment where the only sound in the room is that of their collective, unsteady breathing. Then Jared shakes his head a little, like he heard wrong, and says, “What?”
“I didn’t want to be just another one-night stand or two-day fling,” Jensen says, tone flat and emotionless.
Jared still looks extremely confused. “But - so why did you - ?” He waves his hands around like he’s trying to encompass their whole strange relationship, not just the sort-of-accidental-and-then-not sex.
“Sleep with you now?” Jensen shrugs, a humorless laugh escaping. “I made a stupid mistake. Assumed things I shouldn’t have. Hoped that maybe you’d - .”
Jared is quiet for a long moment, and Jensen starts to think that maybe this whole honest-sharing-of-feelings thing wasn’t such a good idea, and he should just leave. It felt sort of good to get everything out into the open, but now he’s more confused than ever about what happened between them, and he really needs to just go somewhere he can think this all over, organize it and categorize it so he can just put it behind him.
But then Jared finally speaks. “You were in love with me - you’re not now?”
Jensen sighs, getting to his feet. “I’m…I’m leaving for New York, that’s what I am now.”
“No, no, no,” Jared says, standing too. “You can’t.”
“What?”
“You can’t go,” Jared says. “Not now. This changes everything.”
“It doesn’t,” Jensen protests. “I quit my job and I’m going to pack everything I own into a moving van in a week and move out-of-state. It’s already done.”
“No,” Jared repeats. “It’s not done, it’s not over. Jensen, the whole thing with that girl was a mistake, and I didn’t - “
God, not this again. “I already told you, you don’t have to apologize,” Jensen says wearily.
“No, I do,” Jared says firmly. “I do, and please, Jensen, you have to - just listen, okay? Hear me out.”
“Jared - “
“Please.”
Jensen sighs, rubs a hand over his face. “Okay. I’m listening.”
Jared takes a deep breath. “Okay. The whole thing was a mistake, and I knew that even before it happened. It was just falling back into old habits - I’d been with you for so long that I thought I must be bored, even if I didn’t feel like I was, and then she was there, new and interesting, and I just…did it.”
He ducks his head a little, catching Jensen’s eyes and holding them. “But I didn’t enjoy it at all.”
Jensen snorts. “Didn’t look that way to me.”
“I’m telling you the truth,” Jared says, eyes wide and earnest. “I couldn’t - I just kept thinking about you. Because even though we weren’t really dating, it just felt wrong. It was like - “ He moves into Jensen’s personal space, reaching a hand out to grasp his shoulder. “It was like all those things you said - about having a connection with someone, about wanting to make them happy, about not being able to stop thinking about them.”
He pauses, scrubbing a hand roughly through his hair. “And like you said, about everything being different just because of that one person, about everything changing - I thought I’d go crazy without sex, or that it would be boring, just being with one person, but it was - you were - “ He makes a frustrated noise, exhaling sharply, then meets Jensen’s eyes. “I know it’s like the most clichéd thing ever, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone else,” he says helplessly. “And if there’s any possibility that you still love me, then please, please don’t leave. Stay, so that we can work this out. So that we can figure this out together.” He leans down until his forehead is against Jensen’s and whispers, “Please. Stay.”
Jensen closes his eyes. He needs to think about this - needs to weigh the consequences and consider the benefits, figure out what he’d have to rearrange and revise in order to fit Jared into his carefully ordered life - but he can’t. He came into this conversation thinking he’d be moving his entire life across half the country, and now Jared is offering him everything he’s always wanted, holding it out there like a lifeline, and all Jensen has to do is generate enough brainpower to make a simple yes-or-no decision, but he can’t.
It’s funny, because he prides himself on his ability to think logically about any problem, look rationally at any situation, but around Jared, any hint of logic or rational thinking seems to disappear faster than a bowl of kibble in front of the dogs. He’s done things he would never imagine doing more times than he can count over the past three months because of it, and it’s caused him a hell of a lot of trouble.
But, strangely enough, he can’t bring himself to regret any of the decisions he made. He didn’t think them through, and the consequences have been a bitch, but those decisions also made him happy - happier than he’s ever been. He knew he was flirting with disaster every time he gave into Jared’s puppy dog eyes, but he also knew that whatever he was agreeing to would be exciting and exhilarating. But maybe that’s the only way it can be with Jared - like the man himself, there’s no halfway or half-assed, just all or nothing. It’s like a freefall into uncharted territory, no assurances or certainty, and it’s terrifying, but somewhere deep down, Jensen knows it’ll be a ride he’ll never forget. So he takes a deep breath and flings himself over the cliff, letting everything go, and just feels. Then he opens his eyes and says, “Okay.”
Jared looks like someone handed him all the candy in the world. “You’ll stay?”
“Yeah,” Jensen says. A million questions are already forming in his mind over what he’s going to do about his job and New York and the moving van he rented, but he pushes it all aside for later. “Yeah, I’m - I want to try. To make this work.”
Jared laughs in relief. “God. Thank God. I thought I was going to have to follow you to New York and stalk you until you gave in.” He uses the hand on Jensen’s shoulder to drag him into one of his infamous hugs, holding tight for a long minute.
Jensen has no doubt he would have, too, the persistent bastard. He’d have stowed away in the moving van or rented a billboard begging Jensen to take him back if he had to, and God help him, but Jensen finds it sort of weirdly endearing.
Jared pulls back and ducks his head for a kiss, but Jensen leans back in his arms at the last second. At Jared’s questioning look, he says, “Just to be clear - I’m the only employee you’re messing around with from now on.”
“Just you, crystal clear.” Jared leans in again, and this time Jensen lets him. It’s strange how the simple press and slide of mouths can feel so much like coming home, even when he’s never really left.
When they part for air, Jared picks up their conversation again. “We can do this any way you want,” he promises. “We can even start over. Just as long as we’re both finally on the same page.”
Jensen quirks an eyebrow. “What, you’re willing to do the whole dinner and flowers thing again?”
“Whatever it takes,” Jared says, serious for once. “Even if it’s roses for the rest of our lives.”
Jensen’s breath hitches, and it’s hard to keep his voice steady when he says, “Let’s not get carried away, here.”
“Carried away is exactly what we should be right now,” Jared says with a broad grin. “In fact, I think I should carry you away to my apartment right away, so I can show you just how glad I am you’re staying.”
He shifts his hips suggestively, giving Jensen a very good idea of what that would entail, but he’s not giving in quite that easily.
“Slow down, cowboy. You’re not carrying me anywhere.” He disentangles himself from Jared, stepping back to put a little space between them. Jared looks miffed and on the verge of pouting at the separation, though, so Jensen relents, “But a more private place would be good.”
He’s barely finished getting the words out before Jared is fumbling for his keys in his desk drawer and dragging Jensen toward his car.
* * *
The car ride is slightly awkward, neither of them sure exactly what to say, and there’s a moment when they both go to sneak a look at the other at the same time. And although they both laugh, the air between them is still charged with something that prevents any normal conversation.
In the elevator on the way up to Jared’s apartment they’re stuck with a couple of his neighbors, Jared making stilted small talk about the weather and road construction and the state of the world today, so as soon as the apartment door closes behind them, Jensen pushes Jared up against it and kisses him just to dispel the weird energy.
It works, Jared relaxing instantly, and they stay there for several minutes just making out, trading long, slow kisses to make up for three weeks apart and years of crossed signals. Jared has a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck, thumb stroking through the short hairs there, and Jensen sort of wants the moment to last forever, because even if it makes him a huge girl for admitting it, he’s missed this.
Jared has other ideas, however, and he stops to ask, “Is this - are you -?“
His hands are on Jensen’s hips, just a gentle pressure, but the touch reminds Jensen of exactly how lonely the last three weeks have been. He’s perfectly willing to move things straight into the bedroom, but the reminder of how miserable he’d been and some streak of evil causes him to decide he should make Jared work for it a little more.
“I think maybe we should take things slow,” he says.
It’s nearly impossible to keep a straight face when Jared’s hopeful expression vanishes and he says, “What?”
“Slow,” Jensen repeats innocently. “You know, to make sure we don’t make the same mistakes again. Is that okay?”
Jared looks pained, but he says grudgingly, “Yeah, that’s okay.”
“Good,” Jensen says. “But - “ He stops Jared when he starts to pull his hands away.
“But?” Jared prompts.
“ - but right now, there’s no way I’m passing up make-up sex,” Jensen finishes.
Jared looks torn between extremely pissed and extremely relieved, but settles for growling and pulling Jensen close again and making an inspired attempt at kissing him breathless.
It nearly works, and for a second Jensen is slightly dizzy with it all - being here, being with Jared, knowing that this is finally real, that he’s finally getting what he’s wanted for so long - but when Jared slides his mouth away to nuzzle just under Jensen’s jaw, nose brushing along the sensitive hollow below his ear, Jensen gasps in a breath and regains enough equilibrium to start walking them toward the bedroom, undoing ties and shirt buttons as they go.
Jared has a thing for using his teeth, always nipping at the corner of Jensen’s mouth or trailing gentle bites down his neck or inner thigh. Jensen was never sure if it was an ownership thing, him staking a sort of “property of Jared Padalecki” claim, or just an extension of Jared’s fondness for tasting every inch of skin, but he’s never minded things a little rough, and he minds even less now, as Jared pushes him down onto the bed and nudges his shirt aside to nibble along his collarbone.
Things get a little awkward when they’re trying to get their clothes off. It’s been a long three weeks, and in between messy, claiming kisses and their eagerness to be naked right now, Jensen ends up in boxers, one sock, and a loosened tie. Jared’s half-kneeling over Jensen, one bare leg on the bed and one still in his slacks and dress shoe on the floor, and when Jensen wrestles his dress shirt off Jared’s shoulders without a thought for his cufflinks, Jared’s arms end up tangled behind his back.
Jared raises an eyebrow at their chaotic half-naked state and his restriction. “Kinky. If you wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was - “
“Later,” Jensen interrupts. “We can go through the whole Kama Sutra another time if you want, but right now if you’re not naked in the next fifteen seconds, I’m starting without you.”
Jared looks amused. “So desperate after just a couple weeks? I made it two months with no sex. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust.”
“That’s great,” Jensen says. “Congratulations, I’d give you a medal if I had one. Now could we please just shut up and get on with the nakedness?”
Jared laughs but obeys, helping Jensen untangle and shuck the last of their clothes so they can finally press skin against skin. Jared settles on top of Jensen, one hand sliding between their bodies to stroke him firmly, and Jensen arches up into him. His hands roam restlessly over Jared’s back, tracing shoulder blades and ribs, slipping down his spine, measuring muscle and bone like he’s making sure Jared hasn’t changed since he touched him last.
It’s strange, how little has changed and yet how different it feels. Sex with Jared isn’t new, and neither is the way Jensen feels about Jared, but somehow the distance between hoping Jared felt the same and knowing he does is so vast that Jensen feels like they’re in an entirely new place, and even though the body beneath his hands is familiar, the old rules no longer apply. The notion strikes a spark deep within Jensen, and he suddenly has the urge to claim Jared for his own, to feel Jared come apart around him and know that it’s his doing. They’ve always done things the other way around, which was more than fine with Jensen, but now that he knows that Jared returns his feelings, he wants to prove that Jared is as much his as he’s Jared’s.
“Jared.”
“Mm?” Jared’s got his hand around both of them now, measured strokes interspersed with his thumb sliding over both heads to spread the wetness there, and Jensen tries to find some leftover blood for his upstairs brain so that he can articulate what he wants. His brain is currently behaving like a cell phone out of range, though, and doesn’t respond, so when Jared lifts his head and raises his eyebrows expectantly, Jensen just slides one hand down his back and over the curve of his ass until his finger circles sensitive flesh, and asks, “Can I - ?”
Jared pauses for a second, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, but then his eyes darken and he nods.
He sits up on his knees as Jensen fishes a condom and lube from the bedside table, but Jensen urges him over onto his back, settling at his side as he slicks his fingers. Jared’s never exactly been shy about sex, and consequently they’ve experimented with a lot of positions, but somehow Jensen can’t imagine doing this any way but face-to-face the first time, the intimacy of shared breaths and unseparated skin suddenly a necessity. Being half on top of Jared also provides the opportunity for a lot of kissing, which is good because Jensen can’t really think of anything hotter than fucking Jared’s mouth with his tongue while his fingers are working him open, sliding deep to hit the spot that has Jared moaning and panting into his mouth.
Finally Jared gasps, “Do it,” and Jensen rearranges himself, pushing Jared’s knees apart as he settles between them. His hands shake as he slides on the condom, and he fumbles with the lube before he lines himself up. He doesn’t know why - it’s not like he hasn’t done this before, and it’s just Jared, for God’s sake - but for some reason his stomach is suddenly swooping like it’s riding a rollercoaster.
“Hey.”
He looks up to find Jared watching him calmly, his face serene even as his chest rises with quick, aroused breaths. Then his mouth curls up in a sly grin, and he asks, “Was this what you meant by going slow? Because I thought there was going to be sex sometime soon, and if you’re not - ”
Jensen knows Jared has trouble shutting up - he even mumbles in his sleep, like he doesn’t get enough words out in the daytime - but he decides it’s high time someone showed him exactly how nice speechlessness can be during sex. Before Jared can get another word out, he presses himself inside, working in with small, gentle thrusts until he’s flush against Jared and completely encased in slick, tight heat.
It doesn’t work - Jared falls silent for the first few seconds, but as soon as Jensen pauses, he’s talking again. This time it’s not so much conversation as it is cursing and urging Jensen to move, liberally sprinkled with praise and the Lord’s name taken in vain, so it’s not as bad, but Jensen’s always been an overachiever, so he doesn’t give up on the goal. Instead, he starts experimenting with the angle, shifting his hips as he restrains himself to long, slow presses in and out.
He knows he’s got it right when Jared’s murmured “God, so good,” ends in a shout, and his long legs tighten around Jensen’s back as if to draw him in deeper. Jensen works that spot relentlessly, making sure he brushes against it on each stroke, and when Jared’s reduced to moans and the occasional “Jen,” he speeds up his thrusts, ready to take them both home.
Jared’s cock is hot and hard against his stomach, and when he wraps his hand around it, it only takes a few pulls before Jared’s fingers are digging into his shoulders and he’s tensing underneath him before coming all over their stomachs and Jensen’s hand.
The sight and feel of Jared coming undone around and below him is almost too much for Jensen, and his pace becomes feverish as he approaches his climax. Jared, who’s been mercifully silent for a minute, recovers his powers of speech enough to whisper, “C’mon, Jen, want you to come inside me,” and Jensen, as always, is helpless to resist. Apparently Jared’s inability to shut up means he always needs to have the last word, as well.
After their breathing has slowed and they’ve regained enough strength to move, they clean up a bit and rearrange themselves, Jensen on his back and Jared curled up next to him. Jared’s fingers roams over Jensen’s chest and arm, light, restless touches like he can’t keep his hand to himself, and Jensen knows the feeling - he keeps a hand on Jared’s back and a leg entwined with his, because any less contact feels like a loss.
They doze for a bit, drifting in an out of awareness for an hour, but Jensen never falls asleep, his mind going straight from a satisfied blank to a swirling mess of complications. He still thinks he made the right choice to stay here with Jared, and the sex definitely reassured him of that, but all the things he pushed aside earlier when he said yes have come back like obedient boomerangs and demand attention.
Jared groans into his neck. “Jen, I can hear you thinking and it’s so loud it’s keeping me awake. Stop it.”
Jensen laughs, but it trails off into a sigh. “Sorry, I can’t. There’s a lot to think about.”
Jared lifts up his head to look Jensen in the eye. “You’re not…having second thoughts, are you?”
“No, no,” Jensen reassures him, “Definitely not.”
“Then what else is there to think about?”
“Well, I just quit my job, for one thing. And my landlord thinks I’m moving, so I don’t have anywhere to live after the 30th. Oh, and there’s still that damned moving van I hired.”
Jared yawns and leans up on an elbow. “Well, we can fix two of those. Just use the moving van to get all your stuff over here.”
Jensen opens his mouth to say, “And then what?” before he figures out exactly what Jared’s proposing. “Wait. You want me to move in with you?”
Jared shrugs. “It’s not like I don’t have the room, and half your stuff’s here already. Besides, I don’t want to be a single parent anymore. My dogs need a strong father figure in their lives. Well, another one. You know, someone who’ll actually be a good role model for them.”
Jensen raises an eyebrow. “So we’re already staying together for the kids?”
“No,” Jared says, rolling on top of him. “You are staying for me. But this way, if you ever try to leave, you’ll have three sets of sad puppy dog eyes to contend with.”
Jensen groans. “That is so evil.”
“Resistance is futile,” Jared says, kissing him soundly.
It’s definitely been long enough for both of them to be rested up, and from the way Jared’s rubbing up against him, Jensen’s thinking round two will be coming up very soon. He pulls back before things can get too heated. “And the job? I’m going to have to find a new one now, you realize.”
“I know,” Jared says. “It’s probably a good thing, actually. Not mixing business and pleasure.” He pauses. “Well, any more than we already have, anyway. And it’s not like you’re going to have trouble finding a new job, with me writing your recommendation.” He clears his throat, then says in a sultry voice, “Why yes, Jensen is a very hard worker. He does whatever it takes to get the job done, even if that means a lot of after-hours time. His communication skills are excellent, and he’s very good at reading body language.” Jared punctuates the statement with a teasing thrust against him. “And he pays attention to every -“ Jared licks up his neck “- little - “ a nip on his earlobe “- detail.”
Jensen laughs a little breathlessly. “I don’t think anyone’s going to hire me if you tell them that. It sounds like a line from some really bad office porn.”
Jared’s eyes light up.
“No,” Jensen says preemptively.
“You don’t want to play naughty secretary and big, bad, boss?”
Jensen just glares.
“Oh, all right,” Jared says with a pout. “Are you done thinking, then?”
And the fact of the matter is, Jensen is. He’s analyzed and agonized enough lately to last him a lifetime. Jared’s right, he has a glowing recommendation and a lot of contacts to assure him another job, and his living situation has dramatically improved. There will be more to think about later, like friends and parents and holidays and anniversaries, but right now he’s ready to be done thinking and just enjoy being here with Jared. “Yeah, I am.”
“Good,” Jared says, leaning back to lick a trail down Jensen’s chest and stomach. “Because all you need to be thinking about right now is how loud you’re going to scream my name when I make you come.”
Jensen very much agrees.
END
* * *
Wow, you deserve a cookie for making it this far! This is the longest fic I've ever written as well as my first foray into RPS, so any and all comments are appreciated. Thanks for reading!