The erotic word. Come to the garden.
“We all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flung into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.”
It’s funny how when there is little clarity in your life; a little soul and a Little mystery can make even the foggiest waters clear.
I am much better than the last entry although I’m still wading through several things on those lists; I do have to say though God has broken me and I’ve been humbled. I never really realized just how often we are all swimming in the same lake that is covered with fog and how many people actually fell like drowning would be better that what they were going through at this very moment. It’s funny we always think, or at least I do, that we are the only ones who seem to fall out of the boat.
Most of you know that I’ve been leading a college women’s bible study on the book of Esther and that I do leadership within the church and I am active in so many areas, well guess what I’ve been holding back (and granted some of you are saying how b/c it seems like I never stop) everything that I do with, for and in the church has honestly just been one more thing on my calendar and just one more thing to keep me busy………….. because when I’m not busy it hits…………… everything I don’t want to deal with, everything I hold back, guilt and shame of broken promises, and the list goes on forever. I hide and tuck my heart away even from the closest of friends and especially from God. And honestly I don’t know that I know how to stop
I’ve always been the strong one people come to me when they need someone to listen and granted I have a select few friends that I go to, but I’ve not gone to God and especially when others have come to me burdened and poured out their hearts I may pray silently right there and offer a listening ear (that is generally looking at her watch) but it never goes past that and it’s beginning to bother me……….. I was more than that once
Lets just be real I don’t generally pick up my bible during the week and I defiantly don’t pray as much as I did at some point in my life and there have been many weeks even months where I haven’t or I don’t want to. I find it lately it’s just so much easier Not to pray……………. Until a few nights ago when God finally broke me……
”One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
that word is love.- Sophocles -“
Granted I know the struggle isn’t over and I’m still tiered but I’m learning to pull water from another well and for some reason it’s just so much easier.
I don’t know why and I can’t explain it but I just know that there are surprises that lie around the corner not just for me but for those select few in my life who have come this far with me and who honestly I could see going through my entire life by my side (and I know that’s hopeful thinking/ wishing we all go our separate ways but these are people I’ll love and keep in my heart forever.)
In other news though I have had a very interesting conversation today and yeah jokingly I would say we’ve solved all the problems of the church ;) not really it’s just really nice to have a conversation of substance.
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flung into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memories
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.”
It’s funny how when there is little clarity in your life; a little soul and a Little mystery can make even the foggiest waters clear.
I am much better than the last entry although I’m still wading through several things on those lists; I do have to say though God has broken me and I’ve been humbled. I never really realized just how often we are all swimming in the same lake that is covered with fog and how many people actually fell like drowning would be better that what they were going through at this very moment. It’s funny we always think, or at least I do, that we are the only ones who seem to fall out of the boat.
Most of you know that I’ve been leading a college women’s bible study on the book of Esther and that I do leadership within the church and I am active in so many areas, well guess what I’ve been holding back (and granted some of you are saying how b/c it seems like I never stop) everything that I do with, for and in the church has honestly just been one more thing on my calendar and just one more thing to keep me busy………….. because when I’m not busy it hits…………… everything I don’t want to deal with, everything I hold back, guilt and shame of broken promises, and the list goes on forever. I hide and tuck my heart away even from the closest of friends and especially from God. And honestly I don’t know that I know how to stop
I’ve always been the strong one people come to me when they need someone to listen and granted I have a select few friends that I go to, but I’ve not gone to God and especially when others have come to me burdened and poured out their hearts I may pray silently right there and offer a listening ear (that is generally looking at her watch) but it never goes past that and it’s beginning to bother me……….. I was more than that once
Lets just be real I don’t generally pick up my bible during the week and I defiantly don’t pray as much as I did at some point in my life and there have been many weeks even months where I haven’t or I don’t want to. I find it lately it’s just so much easier Not to pray……………. Until a few nights ago when God finally broke me……
”One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
that word is love.- Sophocles -“
Granted I know the struggle isn’t over and I’m still tiered but I’m learning to pull water from another well and for some reason it’s just so much easier.
I don’t know why and I can’t explain it but I just know that there are surprises that lie around the corner not just for me but for those select few in my life who have come this far with me and who honestly I could see going through my entire life by my side (and I know that’s hopeful thinking/ wishing we all go our separate ways but these are people I’ll love and keep in my heart forever.)
In other news though I have had a very interesting conversation today and yeah jokingly I would say we’ve solved all the problems of the church ;) not really it’s just really nice to have a conversation of substance.