stuffy thoughts

[belovedtrizah]

"it's ash wednesday............. and lent begins......... so what now?

I generaly go home to St. John's for Ash Wednesday survice..... but St. John's stoped being home.... stoped when a piece of everyone died.... when You died.

and stinkey old stuffy southern baptist don't do Ash wedensday services :(

silly baptist

I feel a lil disallusioned (is that even a word?) tonight..... almost like I'm standing on the outside looking in.... but not seeing whats on the outside but what lies on the inside.

I'm not sure I like what I see

I know you don't like what you see

I'm tiered and I want to be held..... held close....... and just given a moment to rest and just let go of everything.....

but I never get held

I want somewhere to go and just sit in peace for a lil while...... somewhere to deal...... somewhere to heal..... somewhere to just let go.

I was compleatly and totaly honest with Red and yeah it hurt and it was hard but honestly it felt so good to be able to tell a friend everything.... everything that has ever happened and everything that I don't openly admit to........ and it feels refreshing to know that she is willing to help keep me acountable to stay pure in body and mind..... it's my job to be willing to allow God to keep me acoutable for keeping my heart and soul pure.

I'm not entierly sure what to fast form for the lent session........... maybe I should fast from what lies inside that neither one of us like

~Beloved