They're just thoughts so go ahead and speak..
From now on I will only surround myself with people who lift me up instead of bringing me down.
One more year of this and I'll be gone. Can we please fast foward a year? That would be terrific.
http://fitnyc.edu/aspx/Content.aspx?menu=Future:SchoolsAndPrograms:BusinessAndTechnology:AdvertisingAndMarketingCommunications
I will be there.
I look at my past and honestly wonder how I turned out this way? At 16 years old I had done almost every drug ever imaginable and then some..I hated school..my parents..and friends who i should of spent my time with. I spent my days with my boyfriend at the time who I thought was the best thing ever getting so fucked up that i couldnt move..couldnt breathe..couldnt think..couldnt eat. I remember doing any drug that was handed to me. Whether it be taking a whole box of coricidin and tripping for days on end or popping 4 ecstasy pills at a time. This would be daily.
I remember Thanksgiving of 2004 I wanna say...the previous night I took 18 coricidin pills and Im pretty sure I thought I was a puddle of soup..tomato soup if i can remember. I remember my "friends" went to drive us somewhere and dropped dave cohen and i off on the side of south bay road at 4 in the morning because i was throwing up everything in my stomach and they had to drive someone else home. I came home the next day and my whole family was here for thanksgiving. I spent the whole day in my room, in my bed..i could not stop tripping. Finally my grandma (who cant even walk up the stairs) came into my room..threw a football at my head and told me to snap into fucking reality.
Orrr the time on halloween of 2004 when I drank a whole entire bottle of vodka and ended up in the hospital by 9 p.m. and had to get my stomach pumped or else i would of died. I woke up at 4 in the morning in the hospital bed with my mom holding my hand..she was crying so hard I couldnt even look at her.
How about the time I went to Crystals house for a party and Josh(my boyfriend at the time) and I got 10 ecstasy pills. I sniffed one pill up my right nostril...took one pill by mouth...parachuted(thats where you crush up a pill and wrap it in toilet paper and take it by mouth so it will desolve faster)another pill..then had the grand idea that i wanted more and sniffed another pill up my left nostril. As soon as I did that I felt a burning pain in my brain. It felt like my brian had been set on fire and someone was squeezing it then letting go..then squeezing it..then letting go..
When Josh moved to florida I thought my life had ended. I would stay at that apartment..sleep all day in his bed..wake up..go into the living room..sniff coke all day with random people..go bad into his room and stay up all night.
I looked like shit. I didnt care about anything in the world besides for Josh and drugs. drugs drugs drugs. I was addicted. Addicted at the fact that something could make me feel better about myself. I will always remember the feeling of doing certain drugs. How much better they made me feel. How much closer they made me feel to other people. It was an outlet of anything shitty going on in my life. the stories i have with drugs. and I was only 15, 16, 17 years old. I would sneak out of my house at night..get wasted..do whatever drug was available..go home.then to school the next day...leave school early and do more drugs. Where were my parents? Where were my real friends? Its all a blurr to me.
What the hell.
And then kaitlin died. and everything stopped. the world stopped. and i snapped into reality.
kaitlin died at 16 years old. I had just turned 18. She died because our life was one big party. I will always remember that night. Getting ready to go to the party..drinking a rediculous amount of alcohal. everyone was there..everyone was wasted. Getting ready to leave. fighting with kyle and armando. i didnt care about anyone other than myself..leaving the party..leaving kaitlin and danielle there to drive home..and then boom. Waking up in the morning to a phone call saying that kaitlin and danielle got into a car accident and kaitlin was dead..
and from that point on my life changed for the best. and I wish she was here so she could have the same chance that I get to. To start all over again..to go to college and to start a new life.
Now I cant even be around people while they're smoking weed. I dont know what i would ever do if I saw someone doing any kind of harder drug infront of me. I cant even stomach the thought. Sometimes I dont even feel the need to turn 21 only because I feel like I honestly have done enough partying in my life that finally being legal to drink doesnt mean anything at all.
To be honest..if I could take any of that back..I wouldnt. It made me into the person that I am today.
Some people take drug expieriences and turn them around and become better people. Some people never grow out of it..and thats scary.
And I also choose not to be around those kinds of people..
I should prob. write a book.